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How to Ask a Girl Out

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How to Ask Women Out

One young single man and woman stand gazing at each other on the drink aisle of the grocery store. Other shoppers pass them by, but neither of them notice; the spell of attraction has taken over and they are both captivated. The guy is racking his brain on how to start a casual conversation with such a beautiful woman, while the woman is buying her time praying that the guy will make a move and start up a conversation.

A few more seconds pass when the woman gives up and takes the first step, "I noticed that you seem to be trying to decide what kind of drinks to get too," she says with a smile, "I find that Coke products are cheaper than Pepsi and even taste better too, what do you think?" Pleasantly surprised, the guy fumbles for his words, "Ummm, I, I think you're right!", he flashes his best smile.

The woman is hoping that he'll continue the conversation, she waits a few more seconds, "Well, good luck in picking one!" she says slowly with a parting smile. The guy desperately tries to think of something, anything, to say to continue the conversation, but he feels frozen and can only manage, "Thanks". The girl walks away and leaves the guy standing on the drink aisle, dumbfounded and angry at himself for not making a move.

Don't Freeze Up

Unfortunately, many guys suffer from the above "freezing" syndrome. Although the woman in the scenario even took the first step, giving the guy an opening, he didn't take it. For some guys, starting a conversation up, and especially asking a girl out, can be like facing a mob of angry vultures wanting to eat them alive. The fear of rejection comes on full force and for shy guys, their shyness takes over leaving them without words.

Fortunately for all guys, there are steps that can be taken to boost their confidence and improve their skills when asking a girl out. Of course, situations and scenarios will forever be changing, but below are a few tips, sample scenarios, and troubleshooting tips to help all types of guys ask a girl out.

General Rules

No, there aren't actually a list of rules that have to be followed when asking a girl out. However, there are general guidelines that should be followed so that the process is easier.

Look your Best

It doesn't matter if you're just running to the gas station to buy a candy bar; for all you know, the girl of your dreams could be doing the exact same thing at the exact same time; you don't want to get caught in your sweat pants. It's okay to be dressed casually, but make sure that you're well presented even when wearing casual clothes. Good hygiene is also a must.

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It's All in the Approach

This tip has a double meaning. You want to seem approachable in hopes that a girl will feel comfortable around you and perceive you as warm and friendly; don't go around acting closed off or icy. Take the example at the beginning of the article, obviously the guy in the drink aisle was giving off the right signals as the girl felt comfortable approaching him. Although it's not always realized, body signals can say a lot when two people are around each other.

For guys who are wondering if a girl is event interested, reading body signals can be a good way to find out. Flirting and body language has been studied with results showing that 55% of communication is through body language. Guys can tell that a girl is interested in them if the girl plays with her hair, makes herself look smaller, or constantly exposes her neck. If you notice any of these actions when you're thinking of approaching a girl, go for it!

At the same time, as a guy, you also want your body language to say, "I'm interested!". When a guy is flirting, body language signals are typically doing things to make themselves look bigger, grooming themselves, or lots of eye contact. Although you won't necessarily have control over the subtle changes your body takes on when you're interested, you can make sure that your body language and facial expression is open, positive, and shouts "I'm interested!" when approaching a girl.

Word it Right

Unfortunately for a lot of guys, they stumble through asking a girl out making the question come out awkwardly. Even worse, some guys decide to get straight to the point and come across as too forward. At the same time, you don't want to be too vague leaving a girl with the impression that you just want to be friends. For example, do not ask "Will you go out with me?", the question is much too forward and to the point.

In contrast, you don't want to flake out, either, for example, "Do you want to hang out sometime?" is much too vague and does not necessarily imply a date.

However, asking if she wants to do something specific such as, "Would you like to take a walk with me tomorrow afternoon?" is a happy medium. She may ask, "As in a date?" If so, reply with a yes! However, be careful not to use the word date when actually asking her out. Using the right phrasing isn't complicated, just remember to stay relaxed and confident.

Make a Plan

If you are in a situation where you know when and where you will see the girl you want to ask out, make sure you have a plan. Chances are you will be fairly nervous, so having a plan can give you something solid to rely on. At the same time, you want to make sure that if something should go awry with your plan you do not panic. Simply go with the flow and snatch up the next opportunity to ask her out.

Be Independent and Respect her Space

If you're around the girl you like often, be sure that you don't come off as clingy. Often, girls don't like guys that smother them. Although you may like the girl and want to spend time with her, don't crowd her! This doesn't mean you shouldn't try to spend time with her, just don't overdo it.


No two situations ever seem to be the same. Guys can read all of the advice they want, but typically everyone finds an excuse or loophole in their situation that makes it "different" or "more complicated". Below are some common scenarios that should at least help in a variety of different situations when a guy is trying to ask a girl out.

At School

There's this girl you like in one of your classes. You sit near her and occasionally you find the two of you making eye contact for brief moments during class. You badly want to talk to her, but you can't seem to find the right moment or excuse to do so. What should you do?

This scenario is very common. Thankfully, it's also very simple. By having a class with this girl, you already have something in common. You'll both have the same homework from this class and having a study partner is invaluable. . So, be brave! After class catch up with this girl and simply ask her if she'd like to study together sometime. If you're feeling especially charming, ask something like, "Would you like to study together over coffee sometime?", by adding the "over coffee" (or lunch, breakfast, dinner, you get the idea), you're also implying that you might like to go on a date with her. She may say no, but if so, it's her loss and you haven't put yourself in a vulnerable position; perhaps you really did just want a study partner.

At a Party

While at a loud, rowdy party, you see a girl that you'd love to ask out. Unfortunately, she's surrounded by friends and you have no idea how to approach her. You think you catch her sneaking glances your way too, but you aren't entirely sure.

In this case, you can do one of two things. Wait for her to step away for her friends and when she does, snag the opportunity to approach her a start a casual, yet friendly conversation that eventually leads to you either getting her phone number or asking her out. However, it is possible that she may never leave her group. In that case, it's not impolite for a guy to make friendly, not overly aggressive, eye contact with the girl, approach her with a smile and strike up a conversation with her.

At Work

Of course, there are a lot of mixed opinions on whether or not someone should date another co-worker. However, in this case, that debate is irrelevant, just make sure that you won't lose your job. If you happen to be crushing on a co-worker, don't fear, you can tactfully and successfully ask her out.

The same rules apply to asking out a co-worker than any other girl. The aforementioned tips will put you where you need to be. However, there are some aspects that can make asking out a co-worker a tad bit easier. For example, if you have to attend a work related lunch function, ask her if she'd like to accompany you. Although it seems far from a date, it's a start. If she says yes, good! If after the function all is well, ask her out.

Just remember that you don't won't to embarrass the co-worker you have a crush on. Be discreet so that other co-workers won't know, but make it obvious to your crush!

A Total Stranger

Asking out a total stranger is difficult, yet easy. Thankfully, you don't know the person at all, so if for some reason you look like an idiot, it won't matter! Of course, you won't look like an idiot, but just remember to be confident and even if you make a mistake, it won't matter. Take the example at the beginning of this article.

The guy in the grocery store was lacking confidence, even when the woman made the first move. However, their interaction was harmless, fun, and friendly. When considering asking out a complete stranger, don't over think it. Be polite, friendly, and charming. One of the things that is more difficult about asking a total stranger out is building a rapport in order to put them at ease; you don't want to seem like a serial killer.

Once you have taken them time to build a positive rapport, get to the point following previous advice in this article.

Troubleshooting

Even when feeling confident, prepared, and calm, things can still go wrong. If and when they do, it is best to realize that your efforts aren't wasted; you can swim when you start to drown!

You Don't Remember Your Words

Believe it or not, this happens to a lot of guys. Thankfully, it's not the end of the world. If you forget what you're going to say, the most important thing is to not panic! Smile and take a deep breath. Keep in mind that the worst case scenario is that you change the subject within the conversation. When you do, try to use relaxation techniques through breathing that will help you regain composure.

One-Sided Conversation

You have finally gotten up the nerve to ask out the girl you like, but you feel like the conversation is one-sided; you're having to do all of the chatting and are wondering if you're talking too much and what is going through her head. If this happens, stay calm. If the girl hasn't interrupted you to end the conversation or walk away, things are going alright. It is possible that you're rambling due to nerves, so pause, breath, and see if she has anything she wants to add to the conversation.

It's relatively important that you do give her a chance to talk otherwise you might be left talking to yourself! If the girl you are talking to is especially shy and doesn't start talking even when there's a pause in the conversation, try asking casual questions to give her a chance to respond. Some people are shyer than others; it doesn't necessarily mean she's not interested.

Fear of Rejection or Looking Like an Idiot

We've already established that asking a girl out often makes guys very nervous. You might be nervous for a variety of reasons, perhaps the fear of rejection or making yourself look like an idiot. However, remember that when you go about it the right way, even if they say no, you're paying a girl a compliment when asking her out. If she says no, you shouldn't take it personally. If you're the type of guy who is afraid of looking silly, take a deep breath and ask yourself what the worst case scenario is.

You never know, even if you do something a bit unusual, the girl might be surprised and refreshed that you aren't like other guys who have asked her out.

When worrying about rejection, try to remember that even if you think she is the girl of your dreams, this isn't your only chance. Also, keep in mind that there is absolutely no way any girl will go out with you if you don't ask. The worst thing that can happen is she says, "No". Face your fear!

Rejection

Unfortunately, sometimes you will get rejected. However, if you are rejected, it's important to act gracefully for a variety of reasons. In some situations, you might get a second chance at asking a girl out. If you react badly to rejection the first time, she'll be much less likely to even consider saying "Yes" the second time you ask. Remember that you always want to make a good impression and having a bad attitude after being rejected is immature.

If you've asked a complete stranger out and she declines your offer, keep in mind that there's no way that it's a personal judgement against you; the stranger doesn't even know you! It's possible that she has a boyfriend, doesn't want to date, or is a vampire trying to keep you out of harms way. Of course, she's probably not a vampire, but you get the idea.

If you're facing rejection, one of the most important thing is to be optimistic. Although you were rejected, you can learn something positive from the experience. Perhaps you were too nervous or came on too strong, try to analyze your approach to make it better next time. At the same time, try not to over-analyze as it's possible that you did nothing wrong.

The Big Picture

In reality, asking a girl out is easy and fun. Try not to fall into the misconception that girls are monsters eager to laugh wildly while rejecting you. If you do it the right way, as outlined in this article, girls, even those who say no, should feel flattered that you've asked them on a date. Everyone loves to give and receive compliments; asking a girl out can be as easy as saying, "I love your shoes".

Get out there, find your girl and ask her out! When doing so, remember to:

  • Look your best.
  • Be tactful, friendly, and open.
  • Try to control your nerves.
  • Confidence, not arrogance, is key.
  • Be optimistic.
  • Avoid being clingy.
  • Watch her body language.
  • If rejected, don't take it personally.

Good luck and happy dating!

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:18.
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