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  • Name: Clifford (Edsel and Precipice)
  • Nicknames: Super Mario, The Spaniard
  • Sex: Presumably male
  • Age: Unknown
  • Race: Tentacle Monster
  • Height: ~12ft
  • Weight: ~1.5 tons
  • Hair color: no hair
  • Eye color: Red
  • Skin color: Dull gray with yellow splotches
  • Home World: Unknown
  • Player: Milo
  • Theme: The Urban Spaceman by The Bonzo-Dog Doo-dah Band.


Clifford's life is largely a mystery. It is known that he attended a school of some sort at least up to the third-grade level, although in what capacity is unclear. He has appeared in thousands of seemingly unrelated places in various realities, usually just prior to some sort of monumental crisis, most of the time precipitated by him. Just about the only person who could give you the straight dope on Clifford is Clifford.

And he's not telling.


Clifford's body is an amorphous, vaguely reptilian blob covered in gray and yellow splotches. He has two draconic heads on long serpentine necks. One of the heads (Edsel) has horns. Both necks have calloused yellow armor running down their underbelly.

Affixed to the bottom of Clifford's body is a writhing mass of several dozen tentacles (forty eight on average). These tentacles are immensely strong, can extend or retract as needed, and will re-grow almost instantly if severed. They are used for locomotion, and in lieu of hands.

Two twisted wing-like growths sprout from Clifford's back, though it is almost certain that he can't fly with them.


  • Extroverted - Both of Clifford's heads are extremely boisterous. They talk almost constantly, whether to themselves, to each other, or to some hapless third party. Neither of them is afraid of public embarrassment. They positively thrive on it.
  • Happy go-lucky - Clifford seems to think everything is a joke. He treats the world at large (no matter what world he may be on) as though it were placed there exclusively for his amusement and gratification. If something happens to contradict this, at least one of his heads will (momentarily) sulk. His disregard for the property and safety of others borders on evil.
  • His Brother's Keeper - Edsel is much more reckless and childish than Precipice, and Precipice often finds himself arguing with or correcting Edsel about some misapprehension on the latter's part. Precipice has a larger, more sophisticated vocabulary than Edsel and is more likely to attempt diplomacy.
  • Cunning - Beneath their fun-loving exterior, both of Clifford's heads have very calculating minds. Regardless of how things may appear to be going, they are usually in control of the situation. They can talk circles around most people, and take advantage of this to confuse opponents and keep others off guard, both in conversation and in battle. They are both masters of reverse psychology.

Combat Style

Clifford is a tentacle monster, affording him a great deal of physical power. As such, he possesses a high degree of resistance to injury and a healing factor of unknown capacity. He is proficient with most weapons.

  • Tentacles - Clifford posseses roughly four dozen tentacles. They are supernaturally strong and can be extended to an unknown length. If any of Clifford's tentacles are severed, they regrow in a matter of seconds.
  • Heat Vision - Edsel possesses the ability to emit beams of concentrated heat from his eyes and horns. The intensity of the beams varies depending on how long he spends charging them prior to release. At higher intensities they are preceded by a blast wave, which leaves a vaccum through which the beam may travel without diffracting. Precipice may or may not possess a similar ability.
  • Darwin's Nightmare - Clifford is very adaptable, and his amorphous physiology can develope resistances to certain attacks if exposed to them repeatedly.
  • Body Cavities - Clifford has many empty spaces within himself, which he uses to store a wide variety of items, from cellular phones to weapons of mass destruction.


Clifford has on his person at all times:

  • 1 sombrero
  • 1 party hat
  • 6 packages of confetti
  • 1 noisemaker
  • 1 kazoo
  • Military grade pepper spray
  • 1 human corpse
  • 1 coffee cup
  • 1 handgun
  • 1 BFG (Big Friendly Gun)
  • 1 package of hamburger buns
  • A 6-pack of beer
  • 1 cellular phone.


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This page was last modified on 16 July 2008, at 21:56.
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