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Evo Magazine Forum Wiki

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FAO SPAMMERS PLEASE FUCK OFF

The Evo forum has been taken offline due to the embarrassingly simple-minded opinions exhibited by its user-base. This Wiki remains for reference only: in the highly unlikely event that anyone takes even a vague interest in the rambling outpourings of a group of halfwits, they can find satisfy themselves that their effort is wasted by consulting the information below. EDIT: For some reason the forum is now back onlnie, who thought that was a good idea?


History

1st Generation

Originally the forum was formed as an add on to the website of the then independently published Evo Magazine. With a simple cascading format and a hardcore of members, discussion was almost exclusively limited to matters surrounding performance cars and driving.

2nd Generation

With an updated (and still independent) website, the forum was upgraded to run on Snitz ASP discussion board software. Many members regard this as the golden-age of the community: banter was frequent but friendly and meets were often organised. While discussion during this point was still broadly related to the subject matter of the magazine, subjects often went off on tangents and off-topic conversation became more commonplace, leading to the use of the convention NeC (No evo Content) to denote non-car related discussion.

As an interesting sidenote to this period, a bug in the Snitz code prevented pages from adding the top post to spawned 2nd, 3rd and 4th pages once discussion reached the size limit for the 1st. The workaround PFT (Page Flip Thing) was used to add a spurious post to the bottom of each page to force a rollover to the next. If you actually do think that's interesting then please join the Evo forum as we'd love to rip the, er, have you contribute.

3rd Generation

Following a buyout by the major publishing house Dennis in 2002, the Evo website was merged with the wider Dennisnet community forcing members to re-register their usernames (often with some difficulty) and, more controversially, another change of forum software - this time to the PHP based wwwthreads.

During this period the forum underwent a change of focus. Several members actually bought a Focus. One idiot even put it in his username, even though he now drives a different make of car. Perhaps because of the uncertainty of people with new usernames and perhaps because the matey banter and self-congratulation of the 2nd Generation had run its course, the 3rd Generation settled into a darker and harsher form. Patience was seldom shown and trolling from existing members was frequent. This version continues to this day: members are frequently berated on the slenderest provocation, tolerance is rarely shown to stupidity and the topics of discussion often have very little to do with performance motoring.

Sadly, much of the Evo forum content now revolves around discussions as to whether a particular celebrity female is attractive. (I blame Markus aka Trany)

On Monday 6th February 2006 at 4.45pm a censor bot was introduced to the forum, thus effectively signalling the end of the evo forum in this guise.

On Monday 6th February 2006 at 4.46pm a work around was sussed, thus allowing the forum to continue unabated.

On Monday 6th February 2006 at 5.25pm under fear of forum closure, thedomster3000 came out and confessed his fondness of men, in particular his fondness for a select few forum members. But then, he's always been such a nice boy. I really like him.

4th Generation

In June 2006 the 3rd Generation forum made way for all new forum software. Activity on the new forum started out slow, as regular forum members took time to adjust to the new software. In that period, peace prevailed. Now a return to the anarchy of the past seems to be gaining momentum again, with many of the forum members resorting to personal attacks once more - the peace which everyone once enjoyed seems like a sweet utopia of the past.

4th Generation Update: Actually, the new forum is absolutely awful and the place appears to be populated with idiots.

This is best summed up with the immortal words of proper old-school regular Ian Fletcher, who declared "the Evo forum really is a shadow of its former self. I remember when the internet was for the elite and now they seem to let any spastic on."

Sadly it looks like the decline may be terminal and a crack hit-squad may have to be heli-choppered in to rescue it and liberate the place from twats like Domster3000, Cosgrove and automadic who fill virtually every thread with mindless non-car related drivel that no one really cares about.(boo hoo)

This has led to an increase in the forums favourite sport: trolling. This can only be a good thing.

As one casts a lazy eye over previous threads of note, that same eye does indeed get moist, nay misty when remembering such times as a "fall out" actually meant near legal involvement in a disagreement rather than some cunts arguing over cameras, and anyone with £13K to spend would have looked a bit wider than a fatter version of their current car which retained similar dynamic compromises.

One remains optimistic that a saviour exists... that the dead may rise from the tomb... that the seagull may once again soar across the blue ocean... if not, then the pigeon will remain picking at the floatsam of the scrapyard and all is lost.

Only God shall be our judge.

Amen.

A Further Update:

Well there it is, dead on it's arse.

Despite the best efforts of the old guard, 90% of the remaining content comes from simpering cretins (Allisdair, Clayton[just come out of the cupboard mate]Cosgrove and the rest of the morons that feel that they're amusing) so there really is very little to check in on.

Scanmans' valliant and repeated, and repeated, and repeated, and repeated, and repeated, and repeated, attempts to create a car-based forum notwithstanding, why bother?

The regulars that are on there who provided some worth are simply not enough to keep the flag cracked. Factions have formed. The Northern misers still are soooo 'evo' it hurts in their little hatches. DanPowerslideWebster still makes a good case for banning the car enthusiast.

It's worth keeping an eye on, though, in case you need a new telly or hi-fi or perhaps a new CD. Maybe you want to get some info about the technology version of COE Vs Catholic. Andybond will give you great advice about a phone, and Renaults (and is a top bloke in general). BT52 will contine to bemuse. Jobson WILL BE CORRECT and Lemmy will be there to add an air of actually having done something. Exiges will throw-up if you look at him without mentioning a game, Dom will assure you that both he and his car has worth and Beany will tutor you on right-from-wrong. Then Cosgrove will reply with something witless, non-car-related and base because he's a no-mark.

Sadly, with the geeks who read the magazine dropping by to OCD the place up, the new regulars and the lack of a proper, been done up the arse Donna ~ there seems to be no hope.


RIP evo forum you were entertaining.

The 4.5 Generation (The 'Orange' Era)

In late October 2008 the forum changed, again.

The layout has changed and now we are presented with an eye bleeding shade of orange everywhere you look.

The change was sudden and forum members were not even notified or asked they're opinions of said change, we are becoming less important in the great ones eyes.

The forum itself is still dead on its arse, topic turnover is slower than a very slow thing and there is only a small core of regular posters.

Curry_Favour made a quick re-appearance and attempted to liven things up, but even a hate topic devoted to members other halfs posting on the site as Mrs_... raised little confrontation.

The light is fading, the evergreen tree of forum life is wilting, the end is nigh.

Death

On the 23rd March 2009 at 13:28 GMT the Evo Forum died.

5th Generation

On the 25th March 2009 at 10:02 GMT the Evo Forum came back to life as the 'Evo Community' http://community.evo.co.uk/Forums/index.cfm

And everyone moaned about it, as usual.

Hacked On 2nd July the evo forum was hacked by MuHhaMid (or something like that) reciting the Takbir leading to the 'comunity' being taken offline. Thanks to Micky the forum was soon back in working order.

Conventions

Like the majority of internet discussion boards, Evo tolerates the use of accepted Abbreviations (LOL, LMAO, ROFL, TIUTA) in posts although overuse is frowned on. Strong intolerance is, however, shown to poor spelling and grammar. This often has the reverse effect as users rebel against those enforcing proper grammar by adding poorly spelt words on purpose with the intention of forcing these to become the conven. Its an unwritten rule that any correction to someone elses' grandma or speeling should contain at least one mistayke.

Cliched phrases may also be written in a bold type font to emphasise their point, see below for example in 'the power of my mind'.

Local conventions

Additionally Evo has many catch-phrases and abbreviations unique to the community.

  • AICMFP - Abbreviation for "And I Claim My Five Pounds" and has two meanings, depending on context:
    • used at the end of a post to signify that, tongue-in-cheek or otherwise, the author considers his statement to be indisputable and final. For example, "this is the best explanation so far AICMFP".
    • used to claim (truly or falsely) that the accused poster is another individual. eg "You are Quadcamspacker AICMFP" or "You are James Allen AICMFP".
  • Boat shoes - The Evo forum enjoys an almost classless environment, where the amount you earn and the price of your car are irrelevant. Other forums are less tolerant - Pistonheads in particular - Evo uses the boat shoe as a shortcut for references to a certain type of moneyed British sportscar owner - typified by a wardrobe consisting of rugby shirts, chinos, school blazers and worn leather boating shoes - who is generally avoided by forum members. 99.99% of Pistonheads is made up of these types.
  • Breaks - Brakes
  • Bubbly - Annoys the fuck out of everyone
  • CAF - worthy of drooling admiration (see GAF)
  • DNBICTGBYCAMA - Do Not Brake In Case The Guy Behind You Causes A Massive Accident - In his next installment of crazy thinking, PugRallye suggests that if there is a car up your bumper, then do not brake, even slightly, because this is likely to send the car behind to perform an emergency stop, most likely with the aid of air-brakes and arrestor hooks, causing a pileup of such massive proportions that the ball of burning twisting metal would be visible from the moon.
  • Dry Yer Eyes - a response to any complaint, however minor (or indeed major).
  • Evonomics - This is the theory which states that if a buyer can afford, for instance, a car costing £1000, they can easily afford a car costing double the amount. Often used in discussions initiated by a members question about which car they ought to consider buying. Using the Evonomics argument means that if the person initiating the discussion asks for a small saloon car with a diesel engine suitable for taking 2 children on a school-run and costing in the region of £12,000, it is perfectly valid to suggest that a second-hand Porsche 964 Turbo costing £24,000 is a suitable alternative.
  • Ferrari F40 (see "Evonomics") - default suggestion to any thread of a "what shall I buy to fit these criteria", normally citing frugality and low insurance as essentials.
  • EXIGES!! - Written as an exclamation!! To make outrageous claims about a future purchase and then, when challenged, to claim it as an elaborate hoax. Phantom or no Phantom, it is was it is. See also "Prove it Bruce"
  • GAF - used most frequently to refer to anything diesel, or VAG company products that might not come up to the standard of 100% heterosexual. The term is also regularly and very aptly used to describe the BMW MINI. (See CAF)
  • Ghey - Gay, a man who has his own table at a male run Oxo Tower restaurant.
  • GWD - Gay (Four) Wheel Drive, especially as relating to the Haldex drive system installed in certain VAG products. See "GAF", above.
  • Hammered Into Dust - a phrase coined by a delusional brother of a Mercedes 190E 2.6 owner, it has since been used to refer to any mythical situation whereby a weaker example beats a stronger.
  • Head-Wand - Used almost exclusively in association with forum member thedomster3000, this phrase is used to describe a certain type of mental capability more associated with a tree fungus than a fully grown adult, e.g. "bang the Y key with your headwand if you understand".
  • Is she (are you) fit? - generic, compulsory question in relation to discussion about any female in the wider world. Any female at all.
  • It's the evo (forum) way - to discuss the fine nuances of a certain car's handling, when one has never driven said car. From this humble beginning, this has now been expanded to cover any subject where the person issuing the advice has absolutely no real-world experience of said matter, from the tricky on-limit oversteer of the McLaren F1 GTR LM, to the finer character attributes of Rachel Stevens.
  • IYRWOYWAHO - If you really wanted one, you would already have one - A fine retort to anyone considering a new car purchase as espoused by PugRallye. A mind-bending illogical reply which suggests that at the precise moment you consider buying a car it is impossible to want it, since you would already have it. The kind of stupid logic that Douglas Adams would have made millions from.
  • LARGE CASH DEPOSIT. A phrase believed to have been originally devised by forum deviant thegavster, which has passed into use as a phrase generally used when a poster wishes to demonstrate the spending ability of their wallet to purchase white goods, cars or property. Most used by those forum members least likely to have more than a Free Big Mac voucher or a scratchcard in their wallet than a pile of crisp ÿ£50s.
  • Lifter - used to discredit a person, to openly proclaim them as a wimp/coward. Lifting your foot off the throttle while entering Eau Rouge at the Spa-Francorchamps racing circuit in Belgium is the typical cowardly behaviour of a "lifter".
  • [LIFTED] - The Forum Mods decided to have some fun with the swearbot and introduce a suitably evo version of [Censored].
  • McLaren F1 in the Twisties - A long-running catchphrase from a long-forgotten discussion about the Renault Clio 172, a reasonably fast French hot-hatch. Its abilities as a driver's car have taken on almost mythological properties and it is now regarded as the benchmark against which all other vehicles should be measured (in particular, its McLaren slaying capabilities on twisty roads).
  • NeC - No Evo Content. Constitutes 99% of the content of the forum, questioning the need for this acronoym in the first place. It would save bandwidth and time to simply label the thread as having evo content on the rare instances when one actually does.
  • Oxo Tower - A restaurant frequented by many members of the Evo forum, most famously the below-mentioned Donna Ludlow.
  • Prove it Bruce - a reference made to a mythical(?) forum member who reported to own particular distinctive cars and be a test driver involved in the development of the Jaguar XJ220 at the Nurburgring racing circuit yet failed to provide any plausible evidence and was dismissed by most forum users as a troll. For many however, he is a hero. Owner of the rare Brabus AMG Merc CLK convertible 6.1 McLaren.
  • Rachel Stevens is not fit. An opinion held by the latest lovebird on the forum, because she does not have a beautiful mind based purely on the fact the he has never met her. Neither is she said to "light up the room when she enters" and "dance when she walks".
  • She sits so nicely mate - From a genuine post on a Volvo forum relating to the lowered stance of a 440 or something equally knackered.
  • Shitter - cheap car bought purely for A to B purposes. Note that one forumer's signature "pictures of my shitter" referred to this and not his back door.
  • Smashing The Back Door In - an Evo poster's favourite means of entering their house (see also TIUTA, Oxo Tower).
  • Spacktard, spacker, quadraspaz, spazmong, flidmong, Joey Deacon - expression of contempt for another person (see also boat shoes, headwand)
  • Steveo/Jobbo is correct - a default response to a post made by two leading authorities on evo life.
  • Supremely light dashboard - the only criteria to be used when evaluating a car.
  • teh - the
  • Teh bad aids - A cold, as in Muki always has teh bad aids. The word Ghey can also be incorporated like this - teh bad ghey aids.
  • TIUTA - owner of Oxo Tower restaurant (q.v.) which is frequently visited.
  • TOO EXTREME. This moniker was originally used by Foz in an advert for his trackday Honda S2000, a banana-shaped non-road legal car which took 19 years to build, where he declared it TOO EXTREME for trackdays due to its crazy straight line performance and the massive negative G-forces the brakes could generate. Once the laughter died down it passed into general use to describe anything and everything which is slightly outside the normal envelope, for instance "We went for an evo curry meet in London last night and the chillies proved TOO EXTREME for my toilet the following morning".
  • Would you?, i.e. would you desire congress with said person. See also was she fit.
  • WWD - wrong (i.e. front) wheel drive
  • WYBWAAJOTS - Will You Be Writing An Auto Journal On The Subject? - In the unlikely event of a vaguely automotive post appearing on Evo, the poster will be sent this stock reply from desperate self-publicist David Yu in the vain hope that you contribute to his floundering website. NOTE: Do not confuse this with his other project Fish Journals, which is a flounder website. WYBWAFJOTS ?
  • Snapped banjo string - Youch! GF tugging too hard? Weiner hurting afterwards? Why not go tell a load of retards on an internet forum about it, you twisted f*ck!

Members

The forum has had a huge member-list since its creation, and, on occasion, a fast turnover of members. Some of note include:

  • 0Nismo0 - Evo's youngest poster
  • OnismoO - a troll based on a troll.
  • _573_ - (see Ste). Had his worth to the forum challenged by Lordbin (see below). This is one the most ludicrous events to ever happen. Worshipped by most on the forum, oh wow you've got a tatty old Mx5 with some nice wheels, let me suck you off Ste and you can drizzle you're warm man fat all over my moobs.
  • Aquadrome, aka Richard Porter, aka SniffPetrol - font of knowledge of car trivia great and small
  • automadic, Angry, angry young man. Fills virtually every thread with mindless non-car related drivel linked from the BBC that no one really cares about.
  • Barry - Humble but FG driver, avoids full throttle. Grumpy. Has a Drink problem (and denies it). Loves Matt_H in the bum.
  • Ben__7 - One of the best drivers on the forum. Former LOO specialist. Prefers driving to cars. Dyslexic. Another bible bashing twat.
  • Bunta - Had a popular anime made about him and his Tofu shop. Plays too many games.
  • Beany - now StevenRaith (highest 'real' post count noted; to clothes what Henry Ford was to cars), his colleagues are waiting anxiously for him to go postal, get laid, listen to advice (and have a mofo'ing wash!). Has so far acheived 0.25% of the things he constantly talks about doing.
  • Bri957cc - With his bottle-blonde hair, estuary accent and pillow-gut, Bri is kind of like Jade Goody (I didn't realise he had a Cervix)!
  • BrianDrought (serial car-leptomaniac.... just don't mention living at home) Looks like Baldric.
  • Cal - Forum hard man and other half to Foxy_355
  • Canned_Heat (can open, heat everywhere)
  • Captain_leela - Nebpor's love buddy, also stropped off when Nebpor did
  • Carolineccccbbbbcbcbcbbcbc - hopes she will get rear ended again soon, so that she can have a Z4M Coupe as a courtesy car again. Very attractive (are you lot fucking blind or something?). 100% T'sIUTA. Steven Raiths tugging material.
  • Catsarse - Lawnmower racer extrordinaire
  • cosgrove3 (legendary French lover of girls - Is looking for a girl that lights up the room and dances when walks but will settle for passes out when drinks or a warm packet of crisps), not to be confused with oe_cosgrove.
  • Curry_Favour - Crap troll, moans daily because Jonafun won't answer his posts. A complex mixture of family members who love each other a little too much and lucidity, combined with irrational hatred and a perplexing propensity to use large amounts of time projecting this hatred onto anyone he deems deserving. Inexplicable.
  • danwebster - Former 'most famous mini in the world' owner. Now drives an MR2 aka the greatest drivers car in the world evar...or so he would have it. Bought the Mini back, stripping it down to make it better, stronger, faster...again. The Mini is on the back burner, he now has an Elise to play with aswell.
  • dave69_ - photographic god. Enjoys diesel Polos. Looks like Dave Grohl. Loves Neb in the bum. Has moved to NZ now.
  • David Yu - writes (badly) in the magazine and posts on the forum, which makes him unique; has blown up more cars than Clarkson. Has a propensity to take his ball home if the other boys are mean to him. Has periscope fitted to his cars so he can see out of his own arse. Coincidentally 'Yu' is Cantonese for 'chav'. Gets on really well with Nic(unt)Dale and _573_. In 2009 he took part in the Gumball 3000 rally, making him officially twat.
  • DboyXR2i - Does not drive an XR2i. Was initially responsible for this Wiki. Sarcastic.
  • Delphi_God - The forum's answer to Timmy Mallet, noted for his fine taste in shirts. Ninja in training.
  • DH_seb - the worlds best driver, EVAR. In fact possibly the world's greatest EVERYTHING, EVAR (or at least 90% there). Normally ridiculed for his strange obsession with fuel economy. Conundrum: despite being the world's most intelligent person, he drives an LPG-powered Citroen van and is perpetually skint. DH stands for Dick Head, a rare moment of self-perception for Seb.
  • Dinny_g - Like the very earth itself - "Mostly Harmless"
  • Don - another of Nebpor's love buddies. Again has also flounced off in a strop because no-one likes Neb anymore.
  • DonnaLudlow - a mostly misunderstood member who actually is not as stupid as she appeared. She passed her driving test on 18th May 2009 and drives a VW Polo. Graduated from Swansea Metropolitan University with a 2:1 in Motorsport Management.
  • EdFiasco - listens to drum and bass whilst driving his Primera complete with kleenex on the parcel shelf. Big shout to da jungle crew massive!
  • Evanna - Jimmychoo's little bit on the side (lets just stop right there, the only bit on the side is the growth of semen on wank stained duvet), must be the reason his marriage failed. Somehow always pops up in thread's Jimmy has commented on to pay him a compliment?
  • Evo_PrincessKaz - Thinks Wiki is rubbish (which it is) but has no concept of sarcasm or irony. Only interesting in meeting people in her area and ends each post lolz. Rumoured to be a complete slutbag. Probably 'no' and 'yes', to ISF. Actually is the hottest poster.
  • Evo_SteveB - outed on the Evo Forum
  • Evostick - Alcoholic with a predilection for ale which contain mud and grass. Spends most of his time posting about how to chop wood and which animals he's interfered with of late.
  • exiges - I am considerably, considerably richer than yau!
  • Foxy_355 - Is she, does she? In our wildest dreams, yes.
  • Foz - Too Extreme for the forum! Another Scottish member. Not fond of Tim_M3. Semi-literate Aberdeen oil-chav.
  • Steveo (Power Tramlining Extraordinaire) Claims to have been born in at least 14 locations at the last count. Steveo is always correct.
  • Gremlin - did the indescribable. Up the arse. Has a pair of breasts. See also: "TIUTA" and "OXO TOWER". Liked it so much he left on the other bus.
  • Graham_evo - the new Beany and Donna rolled into one. Another cock, err, Jock.
  • Gwarethd - Doesnt deserve a Volvo, drives a chipped 530d, diesel fanboy. Doesnt have a leg to stand on in many forum arguments. The only person on the forum to actually drive a car in the REAL WORLD, or something. Builds his own engines out of scrapmetal and cheese. Never spends more than £100 on repairing his 106. Legend.
  • Hates__ - Non-chav drifter.
  • Horlix_Uk - Fat social outcast who talks too much about eating kebabs. Repulsive feet. Has been correct 4 whole times since his existence became known. Doesn't like corners or ABS.
  • Ian Fletcher - the statistician. Want to know the front and rear track of a Maserati Khamsin? (Ed: No ...) He's your man.
  • integrale_evo - Harry Potter-alike. Most likely to become a famous photographer of all things automotive. Likes dayglo wheels. Much like the forum's obsession with Ste, he is also worshipped for his ability to modify a shit car. Suddenly acquired children and bought a sensible car.
  • ITYEL - Serial wind-up merchant. Also (possibly) a test pilot for MiG, and hyper-talented global car designer. All at the same time. Quite possibly a complete nutter. Allegedly.
  • japmobiles - serial japanese car lover, but actually drives a british car
  • jimmy_choo - no longer drives an Italian luxobarge made of snot and pasta. Appears unable to tell if a car he wants to buy is completely fucked or not. Rarely posts now as he is busy decorating his ex wife's house. Has definitly smashed Evanna's back doors in. Cuckold.
  • Johnny_g_b - forum OAP, used to drive a CAF Mk1 Escort, now drives a yellow VX220.
  • Jonafun - Upset Curry_Favour when Curry_Favour wasn't a troll (ie. posting under his real name). Once had an unfortunate and worrying accident with a prototype supercharged toilet brush, which resulted in him not visiting the forum for a substantiated period. Favoured by cetain members who think he is wittier than he actually is.
  • m477hew - claim to fame, once appeared in an episode of Wifeswap.
  • Mark_BT52 - Tuscan driving goth who doesn't actually exist. Doesn't like Ferrari F40s, but only because they wouldn't let him have one in black. Like a squirrel. Or a Mole. Or something. Can't drive a GT-R for shit and so cancelled his order, boo hoo.
  • Markus154 (aka trany) Subaru then Mercedes then Subaru salesbod. Total fantasist, compulsive liar, serial loverat and regular midget beater. No proof has ever been given of his antics or cars, so much like Mark_BT52, he doesn't really exist.
  • Matt 82 - insane character who threatened to knife another forum member. Sees ghosts. Trailbreaks on his commute. Needs putting down.
  • matthew_h (longest serving member of the forum and former DTM driving God) Forum arbiter. Does not like FAO - Whoever threads, they should be put in a PM. Has no sense of humour whatsoever. Will mention his girlfriend now wife and / or Barry in every post. Is like a magnet to natural and unnatural disasters. Piss poor luck. Spends most of the time studying the top of his own head.
  • MattyB_ - No specific traits. His current car is always the absolute best in the world evar until he gets rid then they're shit again. Serial Alfa fanboy - current car you see.
  • mercemployee2 - Wouldn't be seen dead hanging around the evo proles unless forced to. Takes pride in having never owned a car worth more than £1000. Would keep a wallet if he found one on the floor.
  • _Mick'BIG GUNS'_N - the forum's Mr Angry. Perhaps due to having worked in the latter days of the mighty Rover empire. Or perhaps due to spending his life designing car ashtrays, and living in Birmingham, although he seems to think this is the epicentre of the known universe. Possibly the most derogatory and arrogant member of the forum. Illiterate. Drives a Rover 75. Supremely unaware of his own shortcomings, Mick thinks he's a god. He will have a glittering career as a travel writer - as long as people are only interested in curries and strip bars. Needs to evolve more. Leading light in the installation of AV systems in hallways and cloakrooms. Not so prolific in his hate posts now, as his life has been reduced to staying in with the missus and bike rides by the canal, living the Motherfucking dream!
  • Micky_P - EX-Goderator - moved on to pustules new. Now back again after Dilbert, er, decided to do something else. Its his fault the forum is orange now!
  • Mike1215 - Still waiting for the evo tyre test. A challenger to the Jobson back catalogue hall of fame. Older than the sun itself. Bloody nice bloke, who unusually for a forum member, never has a bad word to say about anyone. Curiously quiet about his well tuned Cossie. It's probably because he's a northerner and stole it in the 90's. Part man, part scanner.
  • MrsMunki - a troll. There is no way that that disease ridden, limp wristed, excuse maker would ever get a lady. Although Jobbo has actually met her.
  • MukiMunki - Leon MPVGAFFR.Permanently has Man Flu or teh bad ghey aids as we like to refer to is as. Has been considering buying a Boxster, S2000 or RX8 since time began, the race is on between this purchase and Beany getting a license. Be patient. Does not really exist. Slowest loser on the forum. Has now actually bought a "sports car". Still does not really exist.
  • nefarious - think Dr Emmett Brown and the crazy Chinese guys from The Cannonball run and you will get Nef.
  • NicDale - Cunt that lives in Wales (How misfortunate can you be, other than actually being Welsh?) Only comes on to post hatred towards other forum members, well David Yu really. Loves to bang on about the good old times on the forum, even though many will agree these good times didnt actually exist - the evo forum is shit and always was!
  • oe_cosgrove - just legendary... bullshitter
  • Preacher_Cain - the Evo forum's concession to diversity. Makes Oscar Wilde seem semi-heterosexual. Apparently he's got a 928?
  • Pugwash_X - who is alleged to be QuadCamTastic. Pugwash seems confused as to the workings of the petrol internal combustion engine. An utter arsehole whose presence on the forum is about as welcome as a dose of piles at the annual Sitting-On-A-Spike convention. I'm just misunderstood. In four words a "see you next tuesday". That is not four words it is a semi-expanded acronym. Why dont you go and pollute someone elses forum, there you can whack your rotten little stump off in the corner to the thought of your Rover 45 until your heart is content. Jesus, Abu fucking Hamza gets less abuse than me. But more fanmail. And a longer beard. Posts as Yugguy on PH.
  • Quadcamtastic - (Generally obnoxious ex member who left in a torrent of abuse against the forum and other members, only to return several months later as Pugwash_X.) Victim of travesty of justice. Currently enjoying a long, slow pervy asphyxiwank.
  • R1chardb Argumentative little cunt that ordered his Polish girlfriend on the internet. Mention a CLS and he will post a pic of his Bosses car. Don't mention a CLS and he will post a pic of his bosses willy. Only considers cars which have a warranty. Has at least 52 close friends as every weekend he seems to be out celebrating a birthday.
  • samuelcross (least prolific poster, but has been there since the very beginning)
  • Sheriff John Bunnell - the original and best. Guardian of INNOCENT LIVES. Remember, always BUCKLE up.
  • SidewaysFocus - MkV GTi-driving, ex Focus-owning, haggis-munching, sometimes potty-mouthed scotsman. Once sported a hairdo which prompted the response, "Jon Bon-Mother-F*ck*ng-Jovi!" from Nebpor. It was NOT a mullet. For two years; owned, loved and cherished an example of "the greatest FWD car EVAR
  • simonjobson - is correct. Always. Is Middle Aged and shooting blanks into the exhaust of his BMW 540 - the best car evar btw.
  • speedingfine - (His C7 SLR is TOO EXTREME for the Nurburgring) Also a liability with spanners - should never attempt anything DIY with a car. Wastes everyone's time posting threads about cars he never intends on buying. Can't drive for shit.
  • Steve_H_ - (formerly Steve_Hx_) Known as 'The Eyebrows'. Probably a serial killer. Definitely a serial wanker.
  • Sundayjumper - Ebay addict and E36 fetishist. Less interesting than his less interesting brother.
  • Super_Marv - Porsche works driver - someday he'll Ocean Finance a proper Porsche. *See toleman
  • Swervin_Mervin - (The person you'd really hate to sit next to in a pub). Puts requoters out of a job i.e "The fresh willy I drove felt softer if anything".
  • Swearbot - Keeps law and order on the forum
  • thegafster - forum deviant. NSFW post asshole. Promotes substance abuse to make himself appear more interesting than he really is. Always posts about being hungover, always a twat. Cut that bloody ponytail off (done). His missus left him after she actually woke up and realised that he is indeed a complete cock gobbling donkey humping twat.
  • the_ginger_ninja - One of God's 'special' people. Actually a Christian who never shys away from a question. Really does believe teh world was created in 6 days, God had a wank on the 7th.
  • thedomster3000 - (aka OCDom) Turbo nutter barsteward. Total muppet. Unzippy's long lost brother. Flounced off.
  • Thuddmonkey - MukiMunki's new username. It is rumoured that because he posts so much on the forum, he actually wore his old username out.
  • toon10 - wye aye man, see you at the Grove like. Must be very old as he drives an Accord.
  • toleman - see Super_Marv. Writes in muddled English.
  • ukpete1 - where do we start...
  • Unzippy - G-Lader owner. Arse of ill repute. Dom's long lost Bro. IaFG (Im a fucking gaylord?). Now married and living in Australia.
  • Wilspeed - blue-blooded international urban ladyboy and style guru. Lives in Liechtenstein. Probably. Skeletor's hirsute half-brother.
  • Zonda - (twisted firestarter, claim to fame - has appeared on an Ocean Finance advert) also has a penchant, nay fetish for Thomas the Tank Engine. When he walks into a room it doesn't light up, but when he drives a car it usually does. Drives a non turbo Impreza - haha loser!

All members can be characterised by a distinct lack of social skills and a healthy disdain for the members of Pistonheads and each other. The Evo forum plays a vital role in keeping these people away from mainstream society.

Where are the forum members based?

Mainly Great Britain, some in SECRET UNDERGROUND LAIRS, others live on yachts harboured in various tax havens, with a scattering of sodomites throughout the rest of the world. And Scotland.

Trolls and trolling

Because of its high-profile parent, the Evo forum is a natural target for trolls. In this it has much in common with other high-profile forums. However, unlike other forums, Evo is often fairly welcoming to trolling members. This is because it has been found that debate and humour can often be stimulated by such behaviour. It is important to note that Evo has a quality threshold for trolling behaviour because it has seen so many. In order to troll effectively the persona must offer something new or unique. Simply assuming a name and using it to bandy insults around will result in a backlash of abuse or, more probably and depressingly for the hopeful stirrer, the troll simply being ignored.

Trolls of note during the history of the forum include:

A pair of students experimenting with the forum to record the behaviour of some of the more self-important members when under stress. A member posing as celebrity chef Jamie Oliver A member posing as TV star Sheriff John Bunnell A member claiming to own the fastest Mk4 Golf in the world Donna (See above), who just looks like a troll OnismoO, Worst troll evar! Lordbin, a troll if ever there was a troll. Curry_Favour. A quasi-troll who lights up the room when he leaves and dances when a foot is placed up his rear end. Certainly entertainig, but has much in common with Athletes foot: No real purpose, mildly amusing when first found then quickly irritating. Also believed to smell badly. Less successful trolls include

All of the sad attempts by PH members to troll Evo after the highly successful invasion of their board by Evo members. Due to their lack of experience, most attempted to suggest that the Evo forum engaged in Onanism and Homosexuality. Simonjobson's correct-as-usual reply " Criminy, you'll have to do better than that." sums this depressing moment up. Common troll styles include:

members under driving age (see ukpete1) members with below average mental capacity (see Donna) It is also common for existing members to use their own accounts for trolling purposes - the incidence of sarcasm being quite high it is often easy to provoke an argument from a new member who may not be used to the behaviour of other posters.

It has also been noted that on several occasions the forum members have been involved in the process of Anti-Trolling. This strange phenomena is the logical reversal of trolling in that a new member may appear and post to the forum with real subjects whilst the forum members intentionally mislead the new member as to what cars they drive, see MrsMunki.

Evoposters

Evoposters is the image and video hosting site that operates in tandem with Evo. It is provided free-of-charge by the member Spook and HDP and provides a structured picture and video gallery service for forum members. This used to be particularly important when the forums used wwwthreads software as this is configured to disallow inline image placement - a gallery site was essential in this case to allow people to display pictures elsewhere. Is now fubar'd.

Auto-Journals (or AJ)

Any thread concerning the rather spiffing internet site founded by David Yu (http://www.auto-journals.com/) must be bumped at least 4000 times before the thead is alowed to die, albeit normally by David himself. His fanatical obsession with this website of his is yet to be explained - however, any criticism or indeed even questioning of the purpose of this website is met with a fingers-in-ear "La, la, not listening" type of response. Either that or he just chucks his toys out of the pram - again.

Here's a picture of the fat chinese cunt.


http://bhnsupers.com/files/bhnsupers/2008%20Look%20Alikes/big-fat-chinese-baby.jpg

Meets

In its earlier incarnations, the forum was used as a launching point for many driving meets - where members would meet at a pre-arranged destination and, follow a pre-arranged route. Of late these have become far more infrequent due to a number of factors not least of which is the more stringent policing of British roads and the attention a large number of performance cars descending on a single location tends to attract. It is far more commonplace for meets to be arranged in pubs, with those members located in London and the south-east of the UK being the most regular at these.

Sweaty Trucker Bum Love

A recent development on the forum has been the classification of the members as to wether they would, for one million pounds sterling or a Bugatti Veyron (or both), be bummed into the middle of next week (or into insanity) by a large, unwashed, hideous, sweaty truck driver.

The question as to why said trucker would pay so much money when several of the forum members would do it for pies, or even for free, has not been considered.

Would You?

Controversy

It should be remembered that the forum now has only a tangential relationship with the subject matter of the magazine. Because of this, and because of the reactive, rather than proactive, moderating style, the forum can sometimes be the breeding ground for material that would be more severely censored on other motoring forums. In the past discussions about forum members' marriages, bizarre sexual practices, most recent visit to the toilet, and the legal ramifications of driving behaviour have led to discussion with content that could be considered sensitive. It is often thought laudable that the Evo forum provides an environment where such discussion can take place without heavy-handed censorship. Any posters complaining about the lack of moderation are simply told to 'Dry yer eyes'.

Alas, following the introduction of a swear-bot into the forum software the forum population is engaged in a mass eye-drying exercise.

Further controversy

Foxy, dark or blonde

Debate rages fiercely on the temporary forum as to wether Foxy, the forum's token female and tarty winner of sales contracts, would look better with dark or blonde hair. Whatever the outcome it will not alter the fact that we (some) would. Til she smoked.

Said temporary forum now being defunct does not negate the above argument.

As of 8:58 PM on Wednesday 6th December 2006, Foxy was once again dark, covering her roots of indecisiveness. This is a good thing.

Further controversy

Moles, black or brown

MarkBT52 and Jobson - by some margin the two most intelligent people on the forum - spent a CONSIDERABLE amount of time arguing about whether moles are black or brown. The lengths they went to to substantiate their opposing viewpoints were, at times, frightening.

Exiges' cars

Forum member Exiges has a habbit of buying far to many nice cars. This makes everyone else jealous, and so David is the most hated forumer of all time, probably. Of course just becase he has owned all these cars dosn't mean he has driven them as the average time he's kept them for is 28 seconds..

Exiges' car list

(Quoted from RR Phamtom thread)

1979 Ford Escort Mk2 1.3

1978 Ford Escort Mk2 1.3

1968 Ford Escort Mk1 1.6

1989 Peugeot 205 XLD

1993 Peugeot 205 XLD

1994 Peugeot 205 Sceptre

1991 Jaguar Sovereign 4.0

1993 Daimler 4.0

1971 Pontiac Firebird 7.2litres (Bullnose)

1998 Toyota Celica 2.0 GT

1998 Subaru Impreza Turbo (+ Unichip)

2000 Lotus Exige (260TT)

1958 Edsel Pacer

1999 Porsche Boxster 2.7

2001 Nissan Skyline GTR R34 (400bhp)

1998 Ferrari F355 GTS

1998 Land Rover Discovery Tdi

2003 Porsche GT2 (996)

1979 Ford Escort Mk2 RS2000 (TT)

2004 Vauxhall VX220

2000 Mercedes S600 (N/A)

2001 Porsche Boxster 2.7

2003 Ferrari 360 Spider (not driven)

2001 Ferrari 360 Spider

2001 Nissan Skyline GTR R34 (400bhp)

2004 Ford GT (import)

2004 Nissan Navara

2001 Land Rover Discovery Td5

2002 Mercedes S600 (Bi-Turbo)

2000 Ferrari 550

2001 Lotus Exige (std)

1998 Lotus Elise TT230 (Motorsport panels)

2000 Lotus Elise (333bhp Audi - Motorsport panels)

2005 Mercedes SLK350

2004 Range Rover Td6

2004 Mercedes CL65 AMG

1998 Lotus Elise (360bhp Audi - Motosport panels)

2007 Winnebago thing (don't ask)

2005 Ford GT (UK)

1999 Lotus Exige (Chassis #001 )

1985 BMW E30 M3

2007 Audi Q7

2008 Mercedes C63 AMG

2008 VW Phaeton

2007 Aston Martin V8 Vantage Coupe

2009 Aston Martin V8 Roadster (not driven)

2008 Rolls Royce Phantom

On 23 June 2009 at 12:38 PM andybond announced that exiges has been test driving a Bugatti Veyron. This lead to much excitement and a 11 page thread before exiges admitted on 30 June 2009 at 10:09 AM that it was a hoax.

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