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Your First Kiss

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Romantic First Kisses

The first kiss between a guy and girl can often predict the future success and outcome of their relationship (or lack thereof) romantically. It is a physical gesture of attraction that, when used at the right moment, can be very meaningful and certainly enjoyable. The frustration often lies in the problem of when the ‘moment is right’.

This makes sense because every situation, every relationship, and everything leading up to the first kiss can have a great impact on whether or not it is successful. It is an imperative move for any romance to grow, and is usually the first step towards physical romance. Paradoxically, the decision on when, and how, to go in and make the first move needs to be both spontaneous, and still somewhat predetermined.

Before getting into the mechanics of the kiss, I will speak on some of the common situations in which a first kiss may place – as each is unique, and by understanding them, you become more attuned to when to make that move. The type of girl, the atmosphere, and the mood of the moment are all very important factors that must be addressed. With proper planning and patience, kissing a girl is truly a remarkable experience; one that you will surely want to revisit time and time again.

Different Girls May Require Different Approaches

The type of girl that you are interested in often will be a determining factor in the approach. The more information you know about this person is a big issue. Knowing a lot about someone can assist in deciding how to handle the ‘date’ in which you kiss her.

Coincidentally, the less you know about a girl, perhaps one just met, may reduce the amount of stress associated with kissing. The first thing to be aware of is the relative status of your current relationship with this person – should there already be one. In the context of a first or second date with a girl you’ve known for a long period of time, tension can often be felt. Do what you can to loosen any awkwardness. Use jokes, stories, questions, anything to your advantage.

Make it like any dinner, picnic, etc., without any sexual tension, to the best of your ability. If you are on an actual proper and formal date, then she may be expecting a kiss. She may be nervous, perhaps more so than you are.

With a new girl, be casual and confident, but never arrogant in your approach. You will need to build up a good rapport with her. She needs to trust you. She needs to like you. Most importantly she needs to trust and like you at the same time. The time it takes for a person to develop trust and a liking towards another person varies, but if you are confident, engaging, and fun to be around it will come much sooner than later.

The spontaneity of meeting someone new and forming a quick relationship, whether physical, emotional, or both, can be very enticing. It is important to remember though, that often random flings with a girl out on the town are simply that – random. It is something that should happen naturally, without any pretense towards what the connection is, and without reading too far into the situation. Sometimes guys and girls just want to have fun, and maybe fool around and kiss a cute stranger.

That stranger could be you! Meeting people is fun, and can be easy with the right attitude, but going out in an attempt or with expectations to engage in some lip action is not the right approach. If it feels right, by all means, go for it and enjoy yourself, but don’t set yourself up for failure trying to meet girls just for the sake of meeting girls. This will lead to disappointment more often than not.

Where Should You Kiss Her?

The location in which you first kiss a girl should be memorable. This doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be romantic, in the traditional sense. Candles and incense may be great, but spontaneity will always be more memorable. Girls are used to the kiss at the door when you drop them off, or during a romantic movie. They may be taken by surprise (in a good way, of course) if your first kiss is something a bit more creative and less cliché.

The possibilities are pretty much endless, but a few ideas just to give an example: in a pool or ocean while swimming, during a private walk, or the back of the library even as you look at some of your shared literary interests. The idea here is that the place does not have to be somewhere obviously romantic. If you are more spontaneous in your first attempt, your confidence should be high.

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A pleasant walk through the woods may become awkward if you don’t play your cards right and make a wrong move at the wrong moment. What is very important to keep in mind is that when engaging in an activity that requires more than talking (miniature golf perhaps), you should wait until the activity is halted by conversation; as you walk to the final hole on the mini-golf course perhaps, before you go for the kiss. This can’t be overemphasized. You want a moment in which you are interacting with one another, not doing something distracting.

Interacting is part of any date, so you have plenty of chances – some are simply better than others. A kiss while wading along the shore of the ocean, splashing each other playfully, is much better than during an actual activity. It would be seem strange to have a first kiss during an activity like the first big plunge on a roller coaster. The activity is meant for fun, not to facilitate a kiss. Don’t plan a date around a kiss, unless the date is going to be exclusively private. In the case of the private date, you must use your own judgment for when a good time would be. Setting the mood may happen naturally, but you should do what you can to make sure that the right mood does occur.

Setting the Mood

Once you have the girl you like in an environment that is fun and comfortable the next step is ensuring the mood is right for a kiss. Timing really is everything, especially for the first kiss. If you are nervous, then it is not a good time. If you can’t get past your nerves, then wait until you can. One of the biggest mistakes that many guys make it to go for a kiss because they feel obligated to do so – they have set it in their mind that they are going to kiss the girl and whether or not the mood is right, they go for it.

Don’t do this to yourself; make sure that you and the girl are both comfortable and at ease. It’s usually not hard to tell when a girl is willing to accept a kiss from a guy. She will be obviously happy in a way that she can’t hide despite her best efforts. She may be more affectionate or playful. You need to respond to these clues accordingly.

Play along with her. Love is a game after all. Not to say that a great date will lead to everlasting love, but the point is that both you and the girl need to be in a relaxed frame of mind. A little bit of sexual tension is common, sometimes unavoidable. The most important thing you can do is to recognize the tension, and not let it build up to an awkward level. Once you feel the sexual tension, play with it for a short period of time, and then make your move. Once you make your move, the tension will subside immediately, and the kiss will take over any fear, doubt, or apprehension.

Now the Fun Part! – The Mechanics and Varieties of Kisses

So you’ve got the girl, the right location, the right mood, and you are confident. Now it’s time to test the water, which turns out to be a great analogy for how you should approach the first kiss. You don’t want to jump right in, as this is not only overanxious and immature, but also a turnoff for most girls.

The First Kiss

The mood is set, and her body language is telling you that she is enjoying your company. You can either sit or stand, that doesn’t matter. What matters is the pace in which you make the move. You should always be slow and gentle initially. Look at her, deeply into her eyes. Very slowly you want to move your head in, usually slightly to the right or left, to meet her face.

Before an actual kiss, simply touching lip to lip and feeling each other’s breath can be great start. This step is not necessary and can certainly be omitted, but in the right circumstances it makes for a great prelude to a memorable, romantic kiss – with the potential benefit of her going back to you for the second true kiss if she’s really enthusiastic.

This is why testing the water can work out in your favor. If you opt to simply rest your lips to hers then pull back, you give her the chance to reach in for the real kiss. This option may be good for novices as the pressure is reduced, and many girls may find it cute that you are so patient. If you use this technique and she doesn’t reply with a kiss, watch for her reaction – it will be easy to tell if she wants you to go in for more.

In the moment you move in to kiss her, be sure you are facing one another and close enough to reach in without leaning too much, this looks amature and silly. You simply grab her cheek and/or chin gently and hold it softly as you meet her lips. Do not pucker up, but slightly extend your lips so you can make full contact with hers. Remember – slow and steady wins the first kiss race. A smooth kiss, with a slight amount of pressure is perfect. Keep it short and sweet initially, a few seconds is all you need.


You should also close your eyes, as staring at the girl while kissing her for the first time might be perceived as a bit weird. Unless she pulls you in closer for more, you should pull back your head and look at her immediate reaction, trying to remain confident and smooth, no matter how nervous you may be. This is where her body language will tell you if the kiss was enjoyable for her. If she smiles slyly, looks into your eyes, and maintains open body language, take that as a good sign and go in for another kiss – this time with slightly more pressure and for a bit longer.

Don’t be a robot about it, however. If you grabbed her face initially, you can repeat this, but add variety: move your hands through her hair, hold her around the waist, or gently rub the small of her back or lower thigh – just nothing too touchy feely. Assuming that things are going good there are some very simple ways to impress her with your skills. Alternating between a slightly open and mostly closed mouth is the best approach, as well as slightly switching the pressure you apply to her lips.

Gently sucking (and this must be VERY gentle, no slobber) her lower lip for a second, even a little playful nibble before pulling away is not only fun, but also feels great. If her lips are mostly closed, try ever so lightly tracing her lips with your tongue – be careful though, you don’t want to go too far too fast.

French Kissing, The Tongue Can Be Fun!

French kissing is usually the next step, but be mindful of the girl and the situation. Some girls are more modest than others. If the girl has just been kissed for the first time, it may be too early to go for any tongue massaging. However, some girls like to ‘make out’ sooner than others, some during the first kissing session even. Should you be so lucky, you should have an idea of how to french kiss. Everybody knows that french kissing is placing your tongue in your partner’s mouth, but not everybody understands the best way to approach a french kiss.

The three main things to keep in mind are: pressure, speed, and rhythm. This cannot be overstated, as no girl wants a guy to hit her gag reflex with his tongue, nor do they want your tongue having a small seizure in her mouth. A french kiss is much like dancing, in that you need to respond to each other’s movements and anticipate the ways in which you move. French kissing should always begin softly, barely placing your tongue inside her mouth and slowly massaging her tongue. Going too fast is a huge turnoff for most girls when starting out.

Don't Think Ahead

Sure, it may lead to a heavy make out session, but much like a piece of music, you must build up to reach such a crescendo. Again, like dancing, you quickly become familiar with how you partner moves – in this case it just happens to be the mouth, tongue, and lips as opposed to feet. You can certainly lead the kiss, but try not to dominate the kiss. Let her explore you. Let her set the speed. Rhythm generally occurs on its own naturally, but if you are concerned about how to move your mouth and keep things interesting focus on a give and take approach.

This will most likely happen naturally, but it’s important to point out. For every kiss and movement that you engage in, let the girl follow up with her own movements of her mouth, tongue, and lips on yours. You should not only have your tongue in her mouth, you should be massaging her tongue – and this occurs in both your mouth and her mouth.

So give a little, and take a little, and this process can repeat until you’ve exhausted yourselves! Important to french kissing is that you move your hands about her body, in a non-offensive way. How you do this is based on whether you are sitting, standing, or lying down together, but be sure to stroke her hair, touch her cheek and neck, or holding her close and gently rub her back.

Here and There, but Not Everywhere!=== If things are going good, try mixing it up a little. Kissing on the neck is considered by many girls to be one of the most sensual places on their body. The key to kissing ‘other’ body parts is to be tasteful about it. Nobody wants to go to work or school the next day with a hickey on her neck or elsewhere.

So take it easy, and don’t dare venture into any area that you are not absolutely certain she would approve of – remember don’t be too touchy feely, especially with a new partner. This is a rule that has no exceptions; stay within her comfort zone at all times. If you challenge her in this way, she may be put off immediately. A true gentleman would never put a girl in a questionable position, so assuming you are a gentleman follow that rule!

Hygiene

To be successful kissing a girl, you need to first have a girl interested in you. Ok, sure, you know that already, but keep in mind that hygiene, clothes, cologne, etc., should be taken into great consideration. Take a shower and wash your body and hair well. Shave if necessary – some women like stubble or beards, so this is a judgment call that you must make yourself. Best advice on shaving is to stay with a look you are comfortable with, and one that is natural for you.

Be careful shaving to avoid cuts, as a sloppy, chopped up face doesn’t lend itself well for appearing like that of a good kisser. Use aftershave and/or cologne. Use any cologne sparingly; if you can smell it, then it’s probably too much. Musky colognes are good as they mimic the musky sent of testosterone released in a man’s sweat and can be natural aphrodisiacs. Scent is not necessary however, being clean is plenty good enough – some women are even allergic to certain fragrances, so be mindful of this. Dress for the occasion. If you are going to a coffee shop, keep it casual. If you are going rock-climbing, something sportier will do. Without exception, if you are dressing up make sure your clothes match.

Complete Hygiene

Don’t wear a yellow button-up dress shirt with khaki slacks. It is important that you were shoes that are both clean, and in tune with the outfit that you’ve decided on. Oddly enough, a man’s shoes are one of the first things many women notice about a guy’s wardrobe. Women pay attention to details, so make sure you are presentable. If you’re not sure about colors, get a second, preferably female, opinion.

Brush your teeth and use mouthwash. I recommend using mouthwash twice, and keeping some mints with you for the date. Nothing is worse than encountering bad breath during a first kiss, or any kiss for that matter. Perhaps even during a restroom break, use the available mouthwash that is commonly found in some high-end bars and hotels. Make sure to have trimmed and clean fingernails.

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Cleanliness is the one of the most important things to not skimp on. This is one issue that transcends every potential physical and psychological attraction – A sloppy, dirty man will not likely attract any girl. It is important to make your appearance fit your personality. Don’t try and pull off a hippy style if that’s how you normally dress. Be yourself in the way you dress. This gives off the impression of confidence in yourself, which itself, is an attractive feature.

Confidence

It’s often a misconception that women like to date ‘bad boys’, while largely ignoring the ‘nice guys’. There is some truth to this, but it is highly exaggerated. Most women like guys that are nice, but are confident and not easily intimidated. If you are not one of the lucky guys born with natural confidence, then you have to work on developing it. The best way to get better at anything, such as kissing itself, is through practice. The problem for many guys is that they don’t know how to practice confidence. This is understandable, as confidence is a character trait that is developed over time.

Think about the way you currently view your skills with women. If you had to put it on a 1-10 scale what would you consider yourself to be? Now take this same question and ask a friend, preferably a platonic female friend if possible. Do the numbers come close? They definitely should be somewhat close. If your perceived confidence and the confidence that a good friend perceives in you are wildly different you need to work on changing that, along with improving your 'score' closer to a 10. Building confidence is not easy, especially if you are at the lower end of the spectrum.

Building Self-Esteem

The good news is that by engaging yourself in situations outside your usual comfort zone, you can slowly build up your confidence and overall self-esteem. A great way to do this is by simply talking to girls that you find interesting or attractive. It works even better if you don’t know the person, as they will not have any prior experience with you to base judgment.

So talk to the pretty girl at the coffee shop next time you go for a latte. Practice making eye contact, listening and responding to questions, and simply enjoying a friendly conversation with a stranger. You should be able to have a conversation with anybody without being intimidated. The more you practice becoming confident in yourself and interacting with people, the better suited you are to be deemed desirable to the opposite sex.

Again, women do not typically like arrogant men, but confidence is usually one of the most important qualities that they do respond to. It has been shown time and time again that a man that is not confident is not likely to have the charm or charisma needed when talking with women. So if you have low confidence, hit the streets and start talking to people! It may seem awkward at first, but with some practice you will quickly notice that you become more comfortable in situations that may have been highly intimidating to you before.

Body Language

Body language is a two way street. You can often tell how a person is feeling by the way they carry themselves. At the same time, you may not realize the impression you give to others with your own body language. Poor posture, lack of eye-contact when conversing, and fiddling your fingers or tapping you feet are obvious signs of nervousness. The biggest problem is that oftentimes these actions are done subconsciously and we are not even aware of it.

If you have ever been in line at the bank, for example, you can often tell the mood of the other people in line by body language. Someone tapping his or her foot is probably impatient – maybe late for another engagement. Someone looking down might be having a bad day. A person that is looking ahead with a small smile is probably financially secure and having a relatively good day. It is much easier to read the body language of other people sometimes than it is to realize the impressions you make with your own body language. When talking with a girl on a date you need to have inviting body language. This lets the girl know that you are at ease, not nervous, and also confident.

Confidence

Body language and confidence are often closely related. If you lack confidence, your body language will probably show. If you have practiced confidence building techniques, then your body language will probably be much more accommodating. The things you want to be sure to do are: look her in the eyes when talking and listening to her, face her with your body without crossing your arms or any other defensive body positions, smile as much as appropriate, and maintain good posture.

Looking at the ground, crossing your arms, slouching in your chair, or failing to smile will make it blatantly obvious that you are nervous. Nervous is not what a girl wants when she goes out with a guy – she wants him to be fun and relaxed. At the same time, when deciding when to kiss a girl, look at her body language. Does she seem happy, relaxed, and comfortable? Good, this means that she is probably all of those things, and the chance to kiss her is in your favor. If her body language suggests she is tense, try and work to make her more comfortable. You may be able to transform a nervous date into a relaxed date if you yourself are confident and welcoming.

Final Thoughts and Extra Tips

The way you go about a kiss with a girl will show her your sensual side. So be natural about it and act as if you’ve kissed thousands of girls (of course, even if you have, you don’t want to share this information!). Be sure that the girl is special to you. The length of time that you have known each other is not important. It is important that there is chemistry between you and her. If the chemistry doesn’t seem to be there, then you may want to wait until you find a girl that does create a common spark of mutual interest. The location, mood, and timing are all very important factors leading up to a kiss, but should not be considered a concrete framework for every girl and every kiss.

Always remember that you need to start slowly and smoothly. If things build up and get intense, go with it. If they do not, then refrain from trying to force a passionate make-out session. This will come off as being pushy, inconsiderate, and even rude. Always respect the girl’s wishes, but at the same time you should stay within your own comfort zone. It may sound strange, but sometimes a girl may actually want things to progress faster than the guy. If this is the case it is important that you communicate honestly with the girl. She would most likely do the same if she is uncomfortable.

Presentation Matters

Make sure you are clean, well dressed, and generally presentable. Use lip balm if your lips tend to get chapped, and make sure your mouth and breath are clean and fresh. Practice confidence building exercises by simply conversing with girls, without any intention of a kiss. This will reduce anxiety and prepare you for the fun, casual interaction you should be able to have both before and after kissing. The last thing you want is for the moments following a kiss to be strange or awkward. To ensure this doesn’t happen practice reading body language as well as being aware of your own body language.

Be Confident and Patient

Using these tips, along with the actual technique for kissing a girl and you will do fine in the world of dating. Kissing can be fun, but always remember that it is of more important to be respectful of a girl than to get that first kiss in. If you use these tips, and are mindful of how to put them to use, then I am sure you will have a great and fun dating life ahead of you.

Don’t forget, slow and steady always wins the race when it comes to kissing a girl. Keep it short, sweet, and simple – and you will reap the benefits of not only having fun, but maybe even moving further into a relationship that brings with it not only plenty of kissing, but perhaps even love someday. Remember to be respectful and a gentleman.

Good luck out there guys, and more important than anything else – don’t stress over it, kissing is a fun activity to show how you feel about someone in a physical, and intimate way. The last of the tips for your lips is this: just be yourself, practice what you can, find the right person for you, and have a lip smacking good time!

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:24.
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