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The term "Foot Logic" was first used during polite conversation by Gilberham Messenbacher, a specialist in the area of "körperliche psychologie der füße", in 1974.

Due to his specialization being very difficult to pronounce, it became more commonly known as "Psychobipedia".

Although hard to capture the exact nuances of the original language, it translates loosely as "the physical psychology of the feet".

Early Years

Gilberham Messenbacher was born in Kruptenhaag on a Saturday. From an early age he was interested in feet and noticed that there was a direct correlation between the amount of happiness emitted by a person and their current "shoe comfort level".

During his time at Eingebildet University he conducted a fair amount of research upon his fellow students. He asked for volunteers and was pleasantly surprised when a considerable number agreed to help him. For the duration of the experiment, it was universally accepted that "considerable" meant two.

His test subjects were asked to walk a distance of 5 miles in relatively good weather. Whilst they were walking Messenbacher measured their levels of happiness and comfort by asking them if they were;

a) Happy b) Comfortable

Using the Kamen-Janhkopf Scale he plotted the results in a graphically linear way.

Very Important Graph

In an attempt to make sure the data was 100% accurate, he repeated the experiment twice more.

Once while it was raining heavily and then at 04:30 the Monday after. It is worth noting that he was severely reprimanded by senior Faculty Members for failing to notify them (in writing) that he would be waking his volunteers up by hurling bricks through their dormitory window.

Messenbacher used the repetitive data to formulate the following formulaic formula.


  x = Happiness

  y = Shoes

  n = Shoes on both feet

 -K = Detractive Stupidity 


Messenbacher discovered that this formula resulted in a constant negative quantity. Which was bad.

He tried removing the detractive and discovered that <math>x =(y-n)</math> resulted in <math>x</math> totalling ⅓ of the original comfort level.

This was largely due to a rogue P entering the equation. (P = puzzlement as to the whereabouts of the other shoe).

Eventually, Messenbacher went back to using only the graph to demonstrate his point as it was a lot clearer.

The Theory of "Foot Contentment"

In the September of his early twenties, Messenbacher traveled to China. Upon his arrival, he realized that C'hi and Chiropody both began with c-h-i and suddenly, everything made sense. Messenbacher left immediately and returned home so he could enjoy his epiphany properly.

The following is transcribed and translated from a thrice repeated version of a conversation Messenbacher was alleged to have had with his friend.

"The human body is an amazing source of energy. It's like a battery. Positive energy is created in the cranium, usually by shaking the head vigorously or rubbing it with a balloon.

Negative energy is created in the stomach, the main causes of negative energy are hunger, nervousness and tripping over something really small in front of a large group of your peers. It is possible to increase, decrease or change the polarity of the energy levels using physical, mental or vocal stimulus; individually or in combination.

It is vitally important that the positive energy is allowed to flow in an unrestricted manner through the body. That type of energy has weight to it, it's heavy so it must travel downwards, that's because of gravity. Look, I know Physics.

No, it won't. A ton of feathers is still a ton, there's just more of them. Anyway.

It travels down and it exits the body through the toes, creating an invisible harmonic pool around your feet. As the energy leaves the body, it leaves the weight behind.

Yes, it does. Do you notice that you feel lighter when you're happy? Well... that's why. So, it pools (invisibly) around your feet. Whilst the energy is outside of your body it is subtly altered by any other energy sources or pools in the vicinity. After a few minutes of losing weight and interacting with other energies it will begin to float upwards, when it reaches head height, it will be reabsorbed and combined, thus forming a cycle. It's almost another method of communication, like both tasting and smelling someone inside of you at once but without being aware of it.

However, if you are wearing incorrect or ill-fitting shoes, the flow becomes blocked in the ankle area, causing feelings of dissatisfaction and irritability. Positive creation is stifled resulting in negative creation taking it's place. An excess of negative energy is obviously a bad thing. Not only will you personally feel a bit rubbish but it's highly, nay, extremely possible to negatively influence the energy of others.

Shoes. It's all about them".


Messenbacher spent the next three weeks being published, which he liked quite a lot. He still resides in Kruptenhaag and is available (at very reasonable rates and if travel expenses are included) to lecture on the subject of Psychobipedia. He is also heartily involved in the design and manufacture of Soft As Butter™ shoes.

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This page was last modified on 30 September 2017, at 18:50.
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