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How to French Kiss

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The Art of French Kissing

Everybody wants to be able to kiss well. A really great kiss is something your partner might remember for a lifetime--and in the more immediate present, it's sure to make him or her go all weak in the knees and start to feel just a little more helplessly crazy about you.

Don't know how to kiss, or not sure you're doing it right? Don't fret, because kissing is a skill which anyone can develop. Although some people may seem to have a natural instinct for great kissing, it's the people who really want to do a good job who ultimately are the best kissers.

Reading a few articles is a great start because you'll get a wide range of perspective, and a few new ideas.

Killer Tips for Great French Kissing

In this article I want to specifically focus on how to french-kiss. This kiss is certainly one of the most famous in the world--in a room full of people, it's a show-stopper. Unfortunately, it's also very easy to make a big mistake, so remember to follow the tips below.

After a while, they will seem like second nature. And remember: have fun! If you make a mistake, it's not the end of the world. Just laugh and smile. If your partner is still comfortable, try the kiss again.

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, How to French-Kiss!

Beginner Advice

Maybe you've never even kissed anyone before, and you're just curious how it works. Here's a fun way to experiment--Strawberry Practice! Strawberries have a shape and texture similar to a tongue, but I bet you never noticed that before. Now you'll never eat one in quite the same way...

To practice with a strawberry, wash the fruit and your hands. Now, go somewhere private, because in order for this to really work, you will need to use your imagination. Cup the strawberry loosely inside your hand, with the pointed tip just behind your thumb and forefinger.

Your thumb and forefinger, when closed, make a pretty good pair of lips to practice on, don't they? Try kissing your hand, and when that starts to feel comfortable, you can open your fingers so that your tongue meets the strawberry held inside your hand. This is also fun for sleepovers. You and your buddies are guaranteed to giggle all night--and any time any of you ever sees a strawberry again.


Remember, before you can start practicing kissing, you have to be kissable! That means make sure your face and lips feel soft and smooth, and your breath smells nice. French-kissing is an extremely intimate kiss.

french kissing the right way

This is why it is always better not to eat garlic, onions, or any other strong smelling foods on a first date, although if your partner eats the same food, you may not notice garlic breath. Gum can help, if you forget--just don't spit it into the other person's mouth! Fancy restaurants are helpful, too.

The fluffy green sprig of parsley which is sometimes served with food is actually an instant breath freshener. Nice restaurants are also more likely to have free mouth-wash available in the washroom, so avail yourself of that, too.

If you are a smoker or like to dip tobacco, consider wearing a patch instead on your date, especially if your partner doesn't smoke or dip.

Before The Kiss

Okay, dinner went great, you're hanging out together afterward, and now you can see that light coming on in their eyes. They're ready--they want you to kiss them! Moisten your lips just slightly if they're dry. Quickly make sure there's no loose food in your mouth.

If you have gum, swallow it if you can. Lean next to your date. Sometimes I think it's easier to kiss someone if you're sitting side by side, but it's all personal preference. Let your knees press softly against theirs--take their hand and interlock your fingers playfully. Your partner should have their face very close to yours. That's how you know its time.

Now pause, and look them in the eyes.

The Kiss

Slowly come closer, angling your head, until your lips meet softly. Until you know each other better, don't ever come at your partner with an open mouth. It feels unpleasant, and makes it difficult to establish a good rhythm. It helps to think of your kiss as a type of conversation. Light, sweet kisses with your mouths still closed is like murmuring softly together.

For a really amazing french-kiss, the kiss must actually "build." When the kiss begins to be more passionate--your bodies are moving, and maybe you have your hand in their hair, that's when you should open your mouth, just slightly.

Lips and mouths are very sensitive. By opening your mouth only slightly, you send the message to your partner, letting them know what you'd like to do. If they open their mouth, too, then that's your go-ahead. Sometimes your partner won't feel comfortable yet, and there are those people who simple don't like to french kiss. The poor souls! Be considerate. Don't rush them.

Romanticizing the Kiss

Let your lips close again, and continue with the soft kiss. It can be very romantic to pull back and look at your partner. Stroke their hair or their cheek, and say something. If your partner has started to feel nervous, this is a nice way to help them relax.

A good kisser should be thoughtful and considerate, above all things. After all, if you concentrate on making sure your partner has a good experience, you won't feel as nervous, and the kiss will be so much more rewarding.

Has your partner opened their mouth yet? If they have, press in more closely. Your mouths should be fitted together. Some people see open-mouthed french kissing as gross, and you don't want to offend your partner. Wait to see if your partner lets their tongue enter your mouth before letting your own tongue pass your lips.

If he or she does, let their tongue explore your mouth. Press back with your own tongue and mouth. Don't thrust your tongue into their mouth like a frog.

That usually doesn't feel very good, so never do this unless your partner requests it. Tongues are so sensitive that the simple act of even running your tongues together will feel very pleasant and give you tingles all over. Go slowly. This will make the kiss extra intense.

Keep Breathing

Taking deep breaths makes your head spin when you are french-kissing, so definitely try that. Consider yourself very lucky if your date puts their tongue in your mouth first. This shows you not one, but two things: first of all, they really like you, and are awfully excited to be kissing you.

Second of all, you get lots of clues on how they like to be kissed. If they move their tongue soft and slow or hard and fast, this is a movement you should reciprocate with them. Remember, kissing is a conversation. Just like you would in a conversation, adjust your speed and pressure to suit your partner. When you've spent more time together, you can explore different ways of kissing, but for your first experience together, make sure you sweep them off their feet!

Sometimes, even though both your mouths are open, your partner hasn't put their tongue in your mouth. Maybe they are shy, or nervous--maybe this is even their first kiss. Let your tongue slip gently over your lips and touch their mouth with it. Try doing this like you would an ordinary, closed mouth kiss.

Using Your Tongue Appropriately

Do your best not to get the outsides of your mouths wet. If your partner seems to like that, do it again--and then let your tongue slide further into their mouth to meet their tongue. Press your tongues together softly back and forth. If your eyes have been closed, open them to look softly at your partner. If he or she opens their eyes too, you can smile at them with your eyes, and keep kissing; this is wonderfully electrifying, and your partner will be thrilled.

It's okay to pull back and re-angle your head, too. You don't want to get a crick in your neck, or the dreaded "Saturday night arm." That's when you're afraid to move your arm because you don't want to disturb your date, and then your arm falls asleep for two hours. Relax. Remember to breath. Take breaks to pull back and look at your partner. Let them know how much you like them, and what a wonderful time you're having.

It's always better to end a kiss leaving your partner wanting a little bit more--if you take the kiss away, and it takes a moment for them to pull their head back and open their eyes, you know you've done a really good job. Squeeze their hand and gently kiss their forehead or temple. Congratulations. You just made your partner swoon.

Tips and Tricks

French-kissing is very enjoyable, especially if you have an arsenal of little tricks up your sleeve to keep things exciting. You don't ever want your partner's mind to wander from the kiss. That means you've gotten repetitive. Try a mix of styles, including being very gentle and also being a little rough.

A slightly rough french-kiss is very exciting for both parties, but this style is not suitable for every occasion, so pay attention to your partner's body language, your surroundings, and the mood of your evening together. To have a very rough french-kiss before spending much time getting to know your partner will seem disdainful of them. If you want to have a real relationship with somebody, don't do that if you can help it.

Entertaining Your Partner

A really great kiss is like a conversation, but it is also like a dance. You don't want to be stiff when you're kissing--you want your bodies to "flow" together. Before a big date, spend some time loosening up. Some people like to do a lot of cardio, just to get the butterflies out, and other people like doing a few yoga moves, to stretch and relax.

french kissing the right way

Whatever works for you will do just fine, but you don't want to go into a date feeling stiff and uncomfortable. That will translate into a stiff and uncomfortable conversation, and ultimately a stiff and uncomfortable kiss. Hey, it happens sometimes, but loosening up beforehand will improve your chances of a wonderful time.

Spice up your kissing by concentrating on different things each time. Focus more on your partner's tongue during one session, for example, and then more on their lips the next. Some people enjoy slight suction on their tongue or one of their lips as well. Try this playfully to see if they like it.


Experiments with temperature can also be fun. Try kissing after swirling a couple ice cubes in your mouth--or try that hand trick again. A cold kiss on the neck can give somebody goosebumps, and be fun and silly as well. Also try kisses on the neck after you take a drink of something very warm, like tea or hot chocolate.

If you like to get ice cream together, you could even try kissing while licking the ice-cream cone. Might result in a bit of a mess, but you'll certainly have a good laugh together during your little moment.

During a good french kiss there should be movement. You should switch head positions--slowly--touch their arms, their back, their hair--use firm, slow pressure. Don't rake your hands up and down their back. Run your fingers along your own skin, and see what feels nice. Most people like a mix of slow, firm pressure and very light touches.

A light hand can make your hair stand on end in the very best way. Try it and see. Skating your hand, just like that, along the back of your partner's forearm is a really great way to start a kiss.

Using Your Hands

Hands are very sensitive, too. If you and your partner have become comfortable with each other, try taking up their hand and turning it over. Kiss their fingers, while still maintaining eye-contact. If you're feeling very daring and sensual, take one finger at a time into your mouth, and suck on it gently.

The hot and cold feeling of a warm tongue sliding up and down your finger is wonderfully thrilling, especially when teeth very gently rake the sides. Again, you should try this on yourself first. It can be very surprising just how sensitive your hands are, especially in a darkened room when your senses are heightened.

Eye Contact

There should always be some eye-contact during a french-kiss. Remember how I said it's electrifying to meet each-others eyes during the kiss? Prolonged eye-contact will boost the intensity and heat of the kiss. You can also look down and then back up at your partner, or just smile and close your eyes again.

Eye-contact is also a way to check in with your partner and make sure they are enjoying things just as much as you are. You can even ask your partner questions, like, "How am I doing?" If you think you might feel nervous doing this, practice a few lines before hand, and experiment with the tone of your voice. Even saying something as simple as "How am I doing?" can be devastatingly charming, if it's done right.

Imagine Brad Pitt saying this on a first date. During the "conversation" that is the kiss, you can sprinkle in some actual conversation as well, even including jokes. Remember, the whole point of kissing is to become closer to the other person, and being able to have relaxed, stimulating conversation together is incredibly important.

Still Breathing?

Breathing is another tool you should utilize. First of all, you must always remember to breath regularly. It would be easy to get so swept away during a kiss that you forget to breathe, and even pass out! If you want to deepen the kiss, take a deep breath and hold it.

Likely your partner will, too. This is a simple and very effective trick. For some reason it will make your kiss feel cinematic--like lights and cameras are swirling around you both. This is a great time to open your eyes and smile with them at your partner. They'll be spell-bound.

Stop Traffic in the Street

A beautiful french-kiss is a performance. Lay the scene. Check out your surroundings, and ask yourself, is this a great spot for a romantic kiss? Of course you can kiss someone anywhere, but some places are less appropriate. Examples of terrible places for a french kiss include your school classroom, or on anyone's parents' doorstep. A wonderful spot for a kiss, however, is in the park, or on a walk over looking a bridge, city, or water.

Sometimes a really special person comes along in your life, and you begin a very important romance. For that type of relationship, you may want your first kiss to be especially memorable. Maybe you haven't seen each other for a long time, and now you're running up to each other for a big hug.

It's a busy street, it's the middle of the day... but wow, what a time for a magical kiss. Hold your partner type, angle your face, and go for it. If you're a woman, keep the backs of your knees soft and lean back, so that if he'd like to dip you, he can. If you're a man, cradle the middle of her back with one forearm, and place your other hand at the back of her hair. Now dip her back--people will whistle and clap their hands, and your lovely lady will probably blush...

A Life-Long Learning Process

The art of kissing well is one which you should cultivate all your life. These little attentions to detail help keep marriages happy and healthy--a french kiss is a very pleasurable way to show your sweetheart how very much they matter to you, even if you've been married for decades, and life is no longer as simple as it used to be.

You'll discover new ways to please your partner every time you spend time together, if you just pay attention. It's not necessary to spend lots of money to be a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse either. Making one another surprise treats or dinners, dropping by with freshly picked wildflowers or tickets to a show costs less than twenty dollars a week. Everybody loves a great massage, especially a foot massage.

That's the perfect way to begin or end any day. And a wonderful french kiss? Well, that's as free as the air. The time you spend learning how to perfect your kissing technique is time you spend investing in ways to improve your relationships. Although this can seem like a lot of information now, with enough time and experience, it will all seem like second nature--and other people will appreciate your loving touch.

Pick Up Tips from Hollywood

Another way for you to continue to hone your skill, movies are a great teaching resource. Everybody loves sitting back and relaxing with a great movie, but pay attention during the kissing scenes. Examples of really great Hollywood kissers include Jude Law, Brad Pitt, Mila Kunis, and Natalie Portman. Actors and actresses are trained experts in the dramatic kiss--it's their job, after all.

Watch how your favorite actor or actress lays the scene for a kiss--how are they holding their bodies, how do their voices change? Notice what they do with their hands and their breathing, and the way they move their faces, necks, and shoulders. It's natural to learn how to do something well by watching another person do it, so don't be shy.

French-kissing is never something to be ashamed about. Our mouths and hands have been given extreme sensitivity for a reason. We are meant to touch and kiss our partners to deepen our feelings of closeness and trust. There are people who feel uncomfortable with their bodies and with sensuality, but that means missing out on a hugely pleasurable and important cross-section of life. It's wonderful that you want to learn how to be a great french-kisser--enjoy the learning process, and savor every step. Happy kissing!

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:20.
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