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How to Get a Girlfriend

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How to Get a Girlfriend

The dating process can be difficult. And more often than not, it can be downright troublesome, especially if you're shy or not particularly confident in yourself. But finding a girl isn't nearly as hard as you might be making it.

There are a number of ways to improve your skills and chances of finding a girlfriend. By sampling utilizing the various techniques described in this article, you can increase your chances of finding a serious relationship greatly.

Step One: Talk to Girls

The first mistake many guys make is simply not practicing talking to girls enough. Getting girls is a skill, an ability, something that can be improved upon. And how do you improve this skill? It's simple, by talking to more girls.

Practice makes perfect, and talking to any girl, regardless of age, your attraction to her, or her appearance in general, is a good way to improve your chances of getting one. You're not trying to score a date every single time of course, you're just trying to learn how girls talk, their social mannerisms and the like.

Over time, talking to women will become much easier, all because you have been there and done that.

So in summary, you should talk to a lot of girls. It's as simple as that.

Step Two: Make it Apparent you’re Attracted

When you finally get a chance to talk to girls that you consider girlfriend worthy, make sure it's apparent that you're single and looking.

Don't go overboard of course, like wearing an "I'm single" T-shirt, just be sly. Don't mention any ex-girlfriends, or girls who you are actually just friends with until your attraction is obvious. Keep your ring finger naked, duh, and pay attention to the girl who has caught your eye. Do not play hard to get, that doesn't work, especially for guys.

In summary, make it apparent that you're single and looking for a relationship.

Step Three: Absolutely No Pickup Lines

Nothing hurts your chances with a girl more than asking her "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" Picking up girls is not a battle of poetry and wits. It doesn't involve beautifully worded, sensual statements taken from the deepest, most unreachable fathoms of your heart. A simple hello and a genteel conversation is all that you need to impress girls.

And whatever you do, don't waste your money on dating books. There is no secret formula to getting girls, as they are not robots all looking for the exact same thing in a guy. Besides, even if a routine did work, the girl wouldn't really be attracted to you, they would be attracted to the act you put on.

This is one of the most important rules in dating, be yourself. It's foolproof, and it's the simplest method of getting girls. Besides, any relationship built on a lie or an act will fail given time.

In summary, no ploys or acts, be yourself and be natural.

Step Four: Make Yourself Available

You can't meet girls while sitting in your living room; you have to go find them. But it's not about chasing them down necessarily either. If you are not comfortable in a bar or dance club, then don't think you have to go to one of those to go get girls. Instead, go somewhere where your personality can shine through.

If you’re into music, you should go to concerts. If you like theater, then go see a play. Find women in places that you like to go to, and you'll have a better chance of finding a girl with similar interests. It's as simple as that. Meeting girls with the same passions as you greatly increases your chance of finding a girl that's right for you.

In summary, put yourself out there where girls can meet you being you. Don't stay home all day.

Step Five: Compliments are Vital

Everyone loves compliments. That is why it is best to learn to compliment girls as often as you can, without going overboard of course. You should get into the habit of complimenting every girl you talk to, much like step one.

Even if you aren't attracted to the physically, find something, anything positive about them. Making girls feel good about themselves is a great skill to have, and it's something many girls desire in a boyfriend.

In summary, you should compliment girls as often as possible, without going overboard.

Step Six: Don't Overlook Shy Girls

Sometimes, you'll meet a girl who has a hard time opening up to you; she might be shy or maybe even a little awkward, but that doesn't mean she's not interested in you or she's not girlfriend material. Some people simply take time to warm up to people until their personality really becomes visible.

So if you find a girl you're really interested in but she doesn't seem very open to you, give it time. If she isn't interested in you she probably won't go on more than a date or two. If she still shows up for a third date and is shy, just give her some time. She may be just what you have been looking for.

You should also do your best to make her feel comfortable with you. She may not like starting conversations, and if so, start them for her. Talk about what she likes at first; even shy people can talk about what they love. Being shy doesn't equal being boring.

In summary, shy girls are people to, and they are more than capable of being a good girlfriend.

Step Seven: Flirt

Flirting is an age old way to charm a girl, and there are many ways to do it. But basically, just be playful and laid back. Flirting is all about not being serious. And if a girl isn't interested in flirting with you, you'll know. They tend to make it very obvious. Also, do not go overboard.

Flirting is something best done relatively cautiously. Don't creep a girl out, flirting absolutely does not involve being dirty minded or disgusting. That will kill almost any chance of her being your girlfriend. A little innuendo may work, but it can be a risk. The wise way would be to lay off perverseness until the relationship matures a little more.

In summary, be sure to flirt, but flirt respectfully.

Step Eight: Good Conversations are Good

Hopefully, as time goes by, and you keep practicing step one, this step won't be much of an issue. But being a good conversationalist is a great way to keep girls interested in you. It should be obvious that it is important to listen well, most girls look for that.

Get a Girlfriend

You also should go on and on about yourself, it makes you seem arrogant, and that's often a huge turnoff for most ladies. Talk about the interests you both share, and after you feel comfortable with each other, then you should start talking about more personal things and getting to know each other better.

In summary, girls like good, interesting conversations.

Step Nine: Be Assertive

Most women like strong men. They generally don't like guys who don't like to make decisions and pass them off onto others. For example, it's okay to suggest where to go on a date.

She may not want to go there, but it is still good that you offered an opinion. Going where the girl wants to go every single time is an easy way to bore her. Be strong, have a backbone. No girl wants a guy who gets walked on all the time.

It's also important to know the difference from assertiveness and aggressiveness. You should never tell a girl where you two are going to go. Aggressiveness can scare women, and rightfully so. It shows a lack of patience and a lack of listening, two things no one wants in a partner. Aggressiveness can also be a sign of a violent attitude, something no girl wants anything to do with.

In summary, just remember to be assertive and have an opinion, just don't go overboard.

Step Ten: The Touch Barrier

It is sometimes believed that touching is something not to do when talking to a girl you're interested in. But actually, it can be a very romantic gesture to show someone your interest in them. Most guys wait for the girl to initiate any physical contact between them, and that is a mistake.

A girl might be as cautious as you are about touching someone, because they think it might be misconstrued. If you initiate things, it shows confidence in yourself, and your interest in her. And if she doesn't like it, she will let you know. And if she doesn't like it, all you have to do is stop.

In summary, be sure to try initiating some minor contact with her.

Step Eleven: Be funny

Girls love funny guys; in fact, it's probably the personality item that begins most relationships. And being funny is as simple as lighthearted and calm, and not being abrasive or cocky. Being funny isn't very difficult, not as some might think. We all have some kind of a sense of humor; you just have to find it.

Don't be so serious, and be playful if you can. Make interesting observations. You don't have to make her laugh out loud, just making her smile is good enough. No girl is expecting a George Carlin in every single guy they meet.

In summary, be humorous and make her smile.

Step Twelve: Be a Gentleman

Girls like guy who treat others with respect. It shows thoughtfulness, and caring for others. And simply being helpful to others is all you need to do. Open doors for people, help people carry heavy items if they are having problems with it, or just be polite in general.


Saying please and thank you and showing respect for others is also important. Try living by a few codes of chivalry as well; let ladies go first at all times and help them if they need help. A little goes a long way in politeness.

In Summary, be a gentlemen, and be chivalrous.

Step Thirteen: Don't Be Needy

No girl wants a desperate guy, not one you want to be with anyway. Being too eager to please a girl can come off as a bad thing. Don't idolize them either. You should make her feel wanted, but there's a fine line between feeling wanted and feeling needed.

No girl wants to feel like your clinging on to her as if you need her so early on in a relationship. It shows a lack of mental stability, which will scare off almost any girl.

All you need to do is have a life outside of girls. Have a job, have friends, and have a hobby. Have interests of your own. No girl wants to be somebody's world in a week. Later on in a relationship, of course you may feel that way, but it should me months, if not years down the line.

In short, don't be clingy, and have a life outside of any girl you meet.

Step Fourteen: Take Your time

Relationships are a lot of handwork, and they take time to build and grow. You won't generally have a serious girlfriend in just a week of dating. And just because you've been on a few dates doesn't mean it is going to progress past that. You might go through a few short relationships to get that true girlfriends you're after, and that's okay. Don't rush things with a girl who has potential just for the sake of moving things along.

You'll ruin the relationship by doing that. Let them progress naturally, and you'll be rewarded with a strong, healthy relationship with someone you may have a future with. But there is more than that to finding a good girlfriend, some good habits to get into, and some bad ones to break. Do’s and Don’ts Don’t be clingy. We went over this earlier, but it can’t be stressed enough. Maintain your independence and have a social life away from any girls you meet.

It’s good for you and it’s good for any future relationships you may hope to have. By being clingy, you run the risk of becoming infatuated with a girl, and that is not a roller coaster you want to ride. Infatuation is an attraction that more resembles an addiction then romance, and can last a long time.

Do try to read a girl’s body language. Just like talking to girls, reading body language is a skill, and a useful one at that. Everyone gives off signals, whether they know it or not, in the form of the most subtle body moments, hand gestures, and mannerisms.

Looking at Body Language

Body language can tell you many important things. By reading her, you can tell if she is attracted to you, or if she is not attracted to you.

This can save you a lot of time wasted on girls who just aren’t interested in you, where you’d never have known otherwise. Does she touch her hair when she’s talking to you? If yes, then that is a good sign that she is attracted to you in some way. Are her arms crossed? If so, chances are she isn’t.

Crossed arms are a way of appearing closed off to others. There are a lot of different messages the body language of someone can tell you. In fact, this isn’t a bad skill to have in general, regardless of if you want to use it for dating.

Topics to Avoid

Don’t talk about past relationships. Later on, in a more serious relationship, they may come up, and if so it may be okay to talk about them. But early on, there is no benefit whatsoever in bringing up past flings.

It tells her you might not have moved on from it yet, and she probably won’t want to waste her time on somebody lauding over an old girlfriend. Keep old relationships in the vault for a while, they aren’t good conversation pieces.

Making Eye Contact

Do make eye contact. This goes hand and hand with body language. Looking at her eyes will tell her you take her seriously and are attracted to her. In fact, this is one of the most important things you can do when trying to find a girlfriend. It exhibits confidence and assertiveness, two things discussed earlier, and it shows that you are listening to her.

Staring is a sure fire way to intimidate her, and it is very easily taken the wrong way. And staring also refers to staring at any part of her body. No girls want to feel like she is being rated or measured in any way. It’s is rude, and an insult to her.

Treat her like a lady. Now, of course you are going to check her out a little, and she knows that. In fact, many girls like it when guys notice their bodies in a good way, but there is a fine line between what is welcome, and what is not welcome. Just don’t gawk at them, and you should be alright.

Talk About Yourself

Do talk about yourself a little bit. If she is interested in you, then she will want to hear about some of the things you are passionate about. But don’t go on and on about an interest the two of you don’t share. Most of the time spent talking to each other should be about what you have in common and you can talk in detail about your unique passions later.

Don’t be afraid of her misinterpreting your actions. Most girls don’t psychoanalyze every little thing you do. And if they do, a relationship with them would be almost impossible to maintain for any great length of time.

Be courteous and polite, and girls won’t think anything else of it, other than you being a gentlemen. That is as long as you don’t give them any reason to think that.

===Be Positive

Do be positive. Even on the worst of days, you should smile and be open. Don’t complain or nag in front of her, at least not excessively. A girl wants a guy who will bring positive things into her life, not negative things. If you’re not an optimistic person, then become one.

This could actually be one of the biggest things you can do to attract girls. Taking the bad things in life and turning them into a positive is one of the most endearing qualities you can have. A relationship built on that can go a long way.

Don't Settle for Friends

Don’t waste your time on a girl who only wants to be you friend. If she doesn’t like you like you like her, then stop trying to get her to. If you’re fine being just friends with her and you can manage that without it becoming a downer in life, then go for it.

But if you two have settled as friends, then move on and find another girl who is interested in a relationship with you. Don’t waste time that can be used for finding and building a relationship on someone who doesn’t want one with you.

Do end every conversation on a positive note. Try to avoid that awkward silence at the end of conversation and end it earlier. It’s not a deal breaker if it happens, but every little bit helps.

Put Sex on the Back Burner

Don’t worry about sex. If you want a solid, healthy relationship, then the worst thing you could do is bring this topic up too soon. The biggest deal breaker there is for a girl is if she gets the idea that you just want her for sex. Sometimes sex becomes a conversation topic even on the first date, and that can be okay.

But while sex might be a comfortable topic to one girl, one girl can find it a very private and personal matter, and won’t enjoy being asked about it. Generally, it’s best to let sex come up naturally in a relationship. Do discuss sex at some point if a relationship matures.

If you both have differing views on when sex is appropriate then that may be a sign to end the relationship right there. A healthy relationship whether you like it or not, needs to have the issue of sex discussed and agreed upon for it to blossom.

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:26.
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