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How to Get a Guy to Notice You

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Getting Guys to Notice

If you have a major crush on someone, but you're not sure if they even notice that you exist, there are things that you can do to help this to occur. This can be an easy process in some cases and more difficult in others, depending on the personalities of the people involved.

It is important to remember that there is a balanced mid-ground that you are aiming for: you don't want to be totally unnoticed by the object of your affection, and you don't want to come on too strong, like you are forcing someone to pay attention to you.

This article will discuss tips to increase your chances of being noticed by your crush, and also discuss certain things that you shouldn't do if you want to get someone's attention in a positive way.

The Friend Factor

Getting a guy who is a decent friend of yours to notice you is different from being noticed by a casual acquaintance or a stranger. On one hand, the guy who is your friend already enjoys your company on some level and probably respects you as a person if they are hanging out with you on a regular basis. On the other hand, your friendship could make it hard for either party involved to discern whether there is a romantic interest there or just a platonic friendship.

In other words, it can be awkward when you start to fall in love with a friend, because you may not know how the other person feels and there is also the fear of ruining the friendship if you confess to having a crush on the other person. Depending on the relationship, it may or may not be a good idea to make this confession.

Some great relationships have come out of a situation where good friends have started dating, but there is a real risk of pushing the other person away if they know how you feel about them and they do not feel the same. You have to decide for yourself whether you are willing to take the risk of being honest.

Don't Feel Dishonest

If not, you do not have to feel dishonest; there is always a chance that your feelings will pass with time and the friendship will remain viable. Waiting for a period of time and then deciding whether to bring your feelings up is also an option, because feelings change over time and you've had more time to think about it, perhaps in a less emotional manner.

This is more of a problem when good or long-term friends are involved. Being casual friends with someone can actually facilitate relationships. If you met your crush through a mutual friend, try hanging out with your crush and the friend together. If everyone has a good time, your crush may want to hang out again, whether it is with you and your mutual friend or just you.

Coordinating busy schedules may also work to your advantage: if you plan hangout time with your crush and your friend, a situation may come up where your friend is busy. In this case, you can mention that you are not doing anything that night and suggest a fun activity to your crush. In choosing an activity, try not to choose something that screams "DATE!" unless it is clear that the other person is interested.

Spend Some Time Together

Hanging out a few times before you bring up the possibility of dating may make the person more comfortable with the idea because they are familiar with what you are like and they know that you are a cool person to hang out with.

A guy is much more likely to want to hang out with you or date you if he knows that you have interests and hobbies in common. A guy wants to be with a girl that he can have fun with. Imagine going on a date with someone you are attracted to, only to find out that you have very little in common and the date is boring and uncomfortable.

If the guy has already seen that he can relate to you in some way, the awkward part of dating where you don't know anything about a person has been skipped over and both people are more likely to have a better time on an actual date.

The guy will associate you with being fun to be around, which makes him more likely to want to continue the relationship with you. This is why being friends with a guy is probably the best way to get him interested in you. It is not the only approach, though.

What Do Guys Find Attractive About a Girl's Personality?

The answer to this question is somewhat variable, depending on the guy. However, there are certain things that work universally as general guidelines for getting your crush to notice you. Positive qualities in personality make you stand out, while negative qualities make you either unnoticed or unattractive.

For instance, if you seem cheerful and smile a lot, you seem like you are having fun in a social situation and you seem like a fun person to be around. If you are funny, more people want to be around you. If you appear reasonably intelligent instead of airheaded, you are more likely to be respected by others and people are more likely to start a conversation with you.

Whatever you do, you don't want to seem bored to be in a certain situation, or closed off and introverted. You also don't want to be too extroverted, obnoxious or the center of attention, because while you may be noticed, it may not be in a good way, and also your crush is less likely to approach you because it seems like you are already occupied with entertaining other people.

Social Gatherings

If you are at a party or social gathering, you should have fun, but don't put yourself in a situation in which your crush will not want to come up and talk to you because you look too busy. You do want to be around other people, though, instead of just standing by yourself, looking bored.

It may be a good idea to be with a small group of friends, as long as you are not too involved in conversation. If the group is too close-knit, it is impossible for a person to join in and start a conversation with one of the members of the group.

Avoid Negativity

One thing that is a huge turn-off is too much negativity, especially when you first meet someone. You do not want to seem insecure or like you have really low self-esteem, because that may make you seem like you are in constant need of attention, praise or sympathy. Constantly complaining about situations and people makes you seem really high-maintenance, which is not something that a guy wants when he is getting into a relationship.

If you seem too negative, your crush may think that you are not fun to be around or that you are negative all the time. You should try to seem optimistic and secure. When you get to know each other better, it is okay to express it when you are discontent with a situation or upset about something. Some negativity is justified. After all you're only human, but you don't want to make it seem like negativity is a personality trait of yours. A negative mindset is something that should only occur in certain bad situations, not all the time.

Indecisiveness

You also do not want to seem completely indecisive. If you can't make simple decisions, even if it is just out of nervousness, the guy is going to think that you can't make any decisions or that you don't know what you want. At the same time, you don't want to boss the guy around, especially if you have just met. A date should not be a power struggle.

Like most of the personality traits mentioned, you want to be in the healthy middle ground area. It is totally okay to state your preferences confidently, but be flexible. You do not want to seem obsessed with having things a certain way, because that may make you seem too serious and stubborn.

While some amount of awkwardness or nervousness may be cute for a while, it gets old quickly. If you remain awkward too long, the guy is going to think that you're not comfortable talking to him and the conversation is not going to be good. He may become bored if you are not able to talk about yourself, and it may also seem like you have a confidence issue. You should at least have enough confidence to have a basic conversation, or you're not going to be desirable.

Be Balanced

Basically, you just want to come across as a balanced person, who is not insecure and who knows how to relate to other human beings. Guys do not want to constantly take care of girls with low self-esteem, and they want to be around someone who is fun to be around and knows how to have a conversation. They certainly do not want to date anyone who appears to be incredibly obnoxious or unstable or someone who needs constant, 24/7 attention from people.

Appearances

In some ways, a date is similar to a job interview. You want to present the best appearances, but you don't want to lie about yourself. If you want a guy to notice you, you should dress attractively, but you don't have to dress provocatively. If you show off too much cleavage, some people might accuse you of being "easy." A guy might respect you more if you don't try to dress like a sex symbol.

You don't have to overdress for the situation; you can even wear jeans and a t-shirt as long as they fit nice and you don't look like a slob. Definitely make sure that you look like you practice good hygiene. Don't overdo the accessories or perfume. It shouldn't be hard to breathe around you because you've sprayed on so much fragrance.

Basically, the best look to aim for is one that says that you take care of yourself and that you want to look nice, but you are not trying too hard to impress everyone. You don't want to seem high-maintenance, but you don't want to look frumpy either.

Makeup Considerations

You should basically wear the same amount of makeup that you normally do; it is not necessary to pile on extra makeup for a date or an encounter with your crush. Too much makeup can make you look fake, especially if you are not used to applying it that way. Some girls have great skin and require little to no makeup, while others feel more confident with makeup on. Just do what you are comfortable with in terms of makeup. The guy usually won't care; either he will be attracted to you the way you are, or he won't.

Most guys prefer just a little bit of makeup or no makeup; makeup should be used to enhance your features, not cover them up completely. Hair is the same way: You don't want it to look like you've spent hours doing your hair, but you want it to look nice. You don't want your hair to look like if someone touches it, it would be ruined. Again, just do what you are comfortable with. It is okay to enhance your appearance a little bit for a date by doing your hair, nails or makeup or dressing nice, but you don't want to go overboard.

Body Language

Believe it or not, some of the signals that you send to potential dates are actually unconscious and very hard to control. Body language can make a big impact on whether someone approaches you or not. People react to body language without thinking, just like people send body language signals without thinking. Some body language tics are extremely common in women who are in social situations. For example, if you are standing with your arms crossed in front of you, this can signal that you are not receptive to someone approaching you to have a conversation. If you are sitting, crossing your legs also sends off the same signal: You are closed off. If you are sitting and you're crossing your legs AND your arms, you are really closed off!

When girls twirl their hair or play with their clothing or jewelry, this can be interpreted as being flirtatious. So can a slight tilt of the head while you are listening to your crush talk. Women send off more body language signals than men do, so that may explain why guys seem harder to read sometimes as noted here . Women also usually make more easily interpreted facial expressions, so it may be more difficult for a woman to hide what she is feeling than a man.

There is not a whole lot you can do about body language signals, because they tend to be ingrained deeply and instinctually into our behavior. You can be more aware of these tics, though, and that may help you control them at times when you are consciously thinking about them. For instance, standing in a more relaxed posture instead of with your arms crossed can make you seem more approachable at a party or other type of social situation.

Flirting

Flirting is one way to show a guy that you are interested in him. However, you don't want to do it too much, because you may come off too strongly and the guy may want to avoid you. Flirting should be subtle but not unnoticeable. If you smile when your crush is talking to you, make eye contact and laugh at what he is saying, the flirting should be obvious enough. You can also try making eye contact for slightly longer than normal, without outright staring at your crush. This may send the unconscious signal that you are interested in him without him consciously noticing the difference.

You may also be giving off unconscious cues, like in the previous section about body language, without even knowing it. There is no need to say anything verbally to make flirting obvious, it should basically happen on its own if you are genuinely into someone. Whatever you do, don't act like you are bored when your crush is talking to you, because that makes it seem like you aren't interested.


Conversations

If you are having a conversation with your crush, first make sure that it is friendly in nature. If you are a funny person, throwing in a witty observation can make the conversation memorable and make you seem like an interesting person. If you are in a position to have a longer conversation, you can use it as an opportunity to determine whether you have any similar interests or hobbies and then go from there.

Make sure to listen when he is talking to you. Don't just smile and nod. Don't let the conversation get too one-sided. You want to make sure that you both have the chance to talk. You want to give information about yourself without just rambling about yourself. A conversation should be a healthy mix of give and take: you do want to reveal some things about you, but you don't want to seem self-centered. Ask him questions about himself, but do not interrogate him. It is okay to turn the conversation to topics other than you and him, but don't let it become an impersonal lecture about a hobby or activity that the other person doesn't share an interest in.

Avoid Gossiping

Guys are not interested in gossip, especially about people they don't know, so don't even go there. Don't drop names in a conversation without explaining who the person is in relationship to you. This just makes the conversation hard to follow for the listener, and they may zone out completely.

If a controversial topic comes up, speak your mind if you have thoughts about something. However, don't just give a long, angry rant about the topic. Stop and listen to what he has to say about it, then respond. If you pay attention, you can usually tell if someone is actually listening to what you're saying. If they are not, don't get mad, but you should change your approach to the conversation to be more interesting.

An example of a bad conversation is one in which one person does most of the talking and just rambles about things that are irrelevant and uninteresting to the other person. Another example of a bad conversation is one in which neither person talks about anything interesting, and the conversation becomes strained and awkward. Conversation truly is an art form, and it can be more difficult with some people than others. Remember to talk to your crush like you would a friend. If you are good at having an engaging and interesting conversation, a guy is more likely to notice you, respect you and want to date you.

Approaching Him

You do not always have to wait for a guy to approach you, just because you're the girl. Some guys are really shy and they do not usually approach girls. It's as easy as walking up to him and starting a conversation about something. You do not need an opening line or an excuse to approach him. Introduce yourself, remind him where you met, or ask where you know him from. The topic of the conversation may vary depending on how you know him and the current situation. You can make an observation, such as "you look bored, so I thought I'd come over and say hi," or make an observation about the setting to start the conversation.

Don't interrupt him when he is having an active conversation with someone else. Another thing not to do when approaching a guy is to overstay your welcome. If he begins to seem uncomfortable after you talk to him for a while, tell him that it was nice to talk to him again and make your exit from the conversation.

Get to Know What He Likes

Always remember that the guy you have a crush on is a person with interests of his own. Don't project your own interests onto him. When you are having a conversation, ask about the things he likes. Try to find common interests, so that you have something to talk about that will not bore him. Don't pretend to like something just because he is into it, because it is more than likely that he will be able to tell easily that you are not actually into something if he is knowledgeable about it. Be yourself, but don't smother him. Make sure to pay attention to his personality and interests too.

Whatever you do, do not try to agree with him about everything; it is okay if you have different preferences. You are two different people; trying to be exactly like him will not get him to like you more. If you have some things in common, he will appreciate it greatly but he will also appreciate the things that you don't have in common. If you are exactly like him, he will get bored with you quickly. You'll seem less interesting because he already knows about the things that he likes.

On "Playing Hard to Get"

Common wisdom is keen on the idea of "playing hard to get." People often say that if you act like you are uninterested in someone, they will be more likely to be interested in you. This is not true in the vast majority of cases. If you don't show anyone feedback, you are more likely to just be ignored instead of approached by your crush. What people usually mean by "playing hard to get," though, is to not come on too strongly when you are flirting with someone.

This can be true, because you don't want to push someone away by being too overt in your advances. But he can't read your mind, so you do have to show that you are interested in noticeable ways. If you don't, you will most likely be interpreted at face value and he will think that you are genuinely NOT interested in him. If you continue to "play hard to get" for too long, your crush will just give up on trying to get your attention. Beware of this strategy.

Being Clingy

If you are hanging out with a guy as a friend and you are interested in him, or even if you are dating him, you should remember that he needs his space. If you follow him around everywhere and demand a lot of his time, he may start to feel like you are clingy and maybe even begin to resent you. Don't invite yourself every time he hangs out with his friends, and don't pressure him to hang out with you instead of his friends. It is okay to send him messages or call him occasionally, but don't constantly blow up his phone.

Don't keep sending messages to him, especially if he isn't responding. After a while, excessive messages from you can begin to feel invasive, especially if he is not interested in you. Just let him have his space. If you're always the one initiating conversations, there may be a reason why he is not. If you both initiate conversations, it is more likely that he is comfortable talking to you and he is comfortable with the direction that the relationship is headed in.

Making the Relationship Explicit

There comes a point at which it may become necessary to verbalize that you have feelings for someone. This may happen because you want to know if you are just friends or you are going to start dating. Simply asking someone whether they are interested in you will get you an honest answer and take the uncertainty out of the situation, but it will generally make things final. That is, you don't have to wonder anymore about whether you are wasting your time, but if he says no, you might be disappointed. Whatever happens, you have to respect his answer and take it at face value: If he says no, he really means no and you should back off. If you keep trying to get him to like you after being rejected, you will just seem manipulative or even creepy. Don't become fixated on one guy if he says he is not interested in you; there are plenty of other guys out there that may feel differently.

What to Tell Your Friends

It is okay to tell your friends that you like someone, but girls often gossip. In fact, the person may actually hear that you like them from your friends, or your friends telling someone else, especially if you are in high school. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. Your crush may actually approach you if they hear that you like them, or you may hear bad news back that he is not interested. There is also the chance that someone else may make fun of you if they find out.

It is not a good idea to ask one of your girl friends to ask a guy out for you. This seems weird to the guy, and he might think it is strange that you did not ask him out yourself instead of having someone else do it for you. This may seem like you are too shy or weak. He may also be more likely to say no if he knows that a group of girls has been talking about him behind his back.

If you do hang out with the guy you like or go on a date with him, you shouldn't tell your friends the details of everything that he said. Some guys are shy and may get offended if they find out that you told your friends the things he intended you to hear. If this is the case, he may be mad at you or embarrassed. It is also possible that he will trust you less and refuse to tell you things in the future. When in doubt, keep the things that he tells you private. If a friend asks how your date went, you can tell them in general terms instead of with specifics.

Girls and guys are different in certain ways. One of the main social ways is that guys do not usually gossip with each other, and girls do. Some girls may try to gossip with guys and not realize that the guy is not interested in hearing it. Avoid telling the guy you are interested in scandalous things involving other people. The occasional funny story about someone is okay, but gossip for the sake of gossip is likely to bore him. Guys are not interested in drama. As mentioned above, guys also don't like to be the subject of gossip.

What Not To Do

There are certain things that you should not do while trying to get a guy to notice you. Some of these things have already been mentioned in some form in previous sections of this article. This list describes some of the things NOT to do when getting to know a guy that you are interested in. These tips can help you avoid some common pre-dating and dating faux pas:

  • Don't demand all of his attention when he is trying to hang out with his friends. He doesn't have to be focused on you at all times; this makes you seem needy.
  • Don't try to force his friends to be friends with you. They were his friends first; it is okay to get to know them, but they are not required to like you and hang out with you.
  • Don't be too clingy or pressure him to hang out with you when he seems uncomfortable in doing so.
  • It is okay to initiate conversations, but if you are always the one doing it, maybe it's a sign that you need to back off.
  • Don't constantly complain. When you do this, it makes you seem like negativity is one of your core personality traits. It is okay to complain about some things, but if you seem unhappy, people are not going to want to be around you.
  • Don't be completely indecisive. It makes you seem too passive and like you don't know what you want. At the same time, stubbornness and inflexibility are also a turn-off.
  • Don't ramble during a conversation, whether it's about your interests, other people or any other topic. It's a problem if you are not letting him get a word in edgewise.
  • It is good to ask questions about him during a conversation, but don't interrogate the guy. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about himself constantly.
  • Don't wait to be asked out by him; he might be shy. You can ask him out. The worst he can say is "no." However, be sure respect his decision and don't pressure him.
  • Don't make a conversation or date seem like business. Have fun and don't act too serious all of the time.
  • Don't seem too high-maintenance. Guys don't want to have to take care of their girlfriends.
  • Don't expect the guy to pay for everything for you if or when you start dating. It may be traditional etiquette, but he will appreciate it if you treat him as an equal. And he may offer to pay anyway.
  • Don't drag on a conversation when the guy obviously wants to leave it. If he gets quiet and seems uncomfortable or annoyed, make an excuse to leave the conversation so he doesn't have to tell you to leave. Pay attention to the cues that he is giving.
  • Don't change who you are or lie about yourself to make a guy like you. Any guy worth being with should appreciate the person that you are.
  • Don't play too hard to get, because you're likely to be completely overlooked if you do. Let him know that you like him without coming on too strong.
  • Don't make him think that you are insecure about yourself. He doesn't want to have to constantly reassure you.
  • Don't continue to try to get him to like you after he says he is not interested. Respect his boundaries.
  • Don't send him too many text messages or call him too much. This seems clingy.
  • Don't try to involve him in gossip or gossip about him.

When it Doesn't Work Out

Even if you follow all of the tips outlined in this article for getting a guy to notice you, there is a chance that he still won't be interested in a relationship with you. There is a definite point at which you just have to accept that he isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you and leave him be.

You don't have to completely avoid him in all social situations, or stop hanging out with a group of friends that you had in common, but don't talk to him in private if he doesn't want you to. Don't bother him with too many calls or messages. Don't keep trying to get his attention, because he will be creeped out by this, as it seems manipulative and obsessive. Continuing to bother him at this point against his will may be considered stalking or harassment.

There are plenty of other guys in the world if your particular situation doesn't work out. You may be sad or disappointed for a while, but don't get discouraged. There is someone out there who will like you for who you are. When you find the right person, you shouldn't have to try too hard to get them to notice you. Try to be the kind of person that you would like to be around, and people will be much more likely to want to be around you. This piece of advice holds true for pretty much every type of relationship you can have in life, including friendships, romantic relationships and career relationships.

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:28.
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