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Harry Potter and the Death of Harry Potter/22

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Chapter 22

On Shaky Ground

A FEW CANDLES burned in the distance as an unenthusiastic Ron Weasley handed Dumbledore his towel to wet his face with some warm water and lotion for the night.

Dumbledore took over the towel as he slowly got up from his bed.

“Ron. I want to thank you.” He muttered without looking at Ron.

“Oh. Any time, good sir.”

“No. Ron. I have a feeling. I don’t think Harry has much time left.”

“How can you say that, Professor?” Hermione, in her usual robes, said from the side while swinging her wand. “Harry will be fine. I know it. That little Pukes should be the one counting his days.”

“Ron, Hermione. Since the beginning you have been my loyal subjects. I don’t know where I would be without you.”

“Sir. I was informed by Malfoy there would be a showing tonight on Channel 4 that you should see. He didn’t tell me what it was about.” Ron said.

“I have heard, and I can feel it. I feel impending danger tonight. Tell them to bring the TV into the room.”

“Alright sir. Ron and I will leave.”

“Maybe you will! I’m staying here with the professor!” Ron interjected at Hermione’s suggestion.

“Why do you have to always do everything against me?”

“Because you should shave your bushy eyebrows!” Ron demanded.

“Please!” Dumbledore raised his voice with whatever strength he had left, as both of them looked at Dumbledore. “Ron and Hermione. You are my only hope left. I need you to watch over Niock and their operations starting tonight. The magic world, your lives, is at stake. Be mindful.”


SONG’S RING TONE was the ever so popular song “Awesome 2”. He checked the caller ID before answering it.

“Hello. Oliezhik.”

“Song man. I need to talk to Niock.”

Song, sitting on a bench in the middle of the equipment room configuring his sniper, threw the cell phone at Niock. “It’s Oliezhik.”

“Hello, Oliezhik.” Niock muttered.

“Niock, man. It’s kinda hard for me to explain this… but uh… basically, well, when Snape came into my room last night, he told us not to go into the Transfer Portal after dark today. Something about it being winter solstice today, apparently.”

“What? Oliezhik, seriously.” Niock did not listen to much of what Oliezhik was saying, still pondering in deep thought. “Is Mitch with you?”

“No uh… at this rate we can’t get there before sunset. Just listen to me Niock, we can find another way to get Pukes.”

“Oliezhik. Seriously. Why do you believe Snape? He’s probably with Pukes right now! Of course they will tell us this shit to confuse us. Think about it.”

“No, Niock. This is serious. I am serious.”

“Oliezhik, I am serious as well. We all need to be here to get Pukes tonight. We’ve finally got the goddamn marker and for fucking two weeks we haven’t done anything.” Niock paused for a second to rethink his tone. “Seriously, Oliezhik. I’m not mad at you. But you need to get your ass here. I don’t care how late it is. I am your bro. I will wait for you.”

Oliezhik sighed. “Alright.”

Niock closed the flip phone and gave it back to Song. “Oliezhik was telling me he got a warning from Snape to not enter after sunset.”

“Bullshit. What does he know? Niock. You’re with me now. Don’t worry about it.”

“I am not worried Song.” That was a lie, “But you have to tell me where I am at least.”

“Niock.” Song said as he patted Niock on the shoulder heavily with all his gear. “I know where Pukes is. Our time for victory is tonight. Let’s go fuck some goddamn trees.”

Suddenly the door to the small equipment room opened with Malfoy peeking in. “Mitch is here.”

“What?” Niock looked up. “He’s pretty fast.”

Mitch walked in as Malfoy closed the door behind him.

Niock only said what was on everyone’s mind. “Where the hell is Oliezhik?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” On came the swears from Mitch.

“You were supposed to pick him up.”

“No one told me!”

“Song called you this afternoon.” Niock charged.

“Go through my missed calls, Niock. No one called me.” Mitch said as he took out his cell phone as if to gesture, see? “If anything I tried to call you but your fucking cell phone was shut off. Why don’t you have your cell phone at such a crucial time?”

Song watched from the sidelines, now sharpening his pocket knife.

“It uh… got soaked in beer and isn’t working.”

“Niock! Beer?! Are you serious?”

“I didn’t do it. Jeetu Janitor took it out last night while he was drinking with Gar.” Niock said as he looked over at Song, who was still looking at his knife while whistling slightly. Didn’t Song handle this already? Niock thought.

“Jeetu Janitor? I saw him this morning!”

“Chang, I’d appreciate it if we could just cooperate on this issue.” Niock slowed down for a second. “Listen, Chang, we’ve been bros for this many years. Let’s not argue about small things like these. We have a portal to get to and a douchebag to kill.”

The sun, peeking just above the horizon, was making its last stand before it would descend completely.


OLIEZHIK SLIPPED ON his leather jacket, examined his hair gel in the mirror, and then proceeded to open the door to his dorm room, only to see a carefree Brianne playing with her blonde hair with some brunette highlights. She was wearing a red top with spaghetti straps and a cute, short skirt.

“I knew you’d be coming soon! I was about to knock!”

Oliezhik was caught off guard.

"Wha? Brianne! Uh... what a pleasant surprise. Uh... I thought you left for home already..."

Ignoring what Oliezhik had to say, she went on. "Oh! I have to show you what I'm bringing home to my little brother for Christmas!"

Oliezhik was still very confused, but knew he had to keep his mouth shut about the mission. The explanations would not be worth his tongue and saliva. "Well, you see..."

Without him realizing, Brianne pressed her soft body tightly against Oliezhik's, as Oliezhik felt a sudden warmth curl up his pelvic region. He couldn't help but explore with his eyes. Brianne tip-toed to whisper into Oliezhik's ears,

"And I'm not gonna let you go home for Christmas without giving you a special something too." Her voice sounded so sweet.

"Oh and what might that be?" It was the only reply Oliezhik could manage.

"Just come to my room! It won't take long!" She took Oliezhik by the hand.

He followed her lead.


Hagrid did not care that the door had a few deadbolts and took years of precision manufacturing to serve as the only entrance to the equipment room. He blasted it open with his brute strength, sending a tremor through to Niock and Mitch, who were both loading their weapons.

"Master Hagrid." Song stood up and gave a slight bow, unphased by the sudden rupture of the door and Hagrid's intrusion.

Hagrid was not prompt in returning it this time, and turned his attention to Niock. "Master Frederick, we need to get into the transfer portal now! They've warned us about a possible infiltration after sunset! Forget your weapons, this is our only chance."

Niock had no idea Hagrid knew about the mission. Where did he hear it from? It was so obvious now, that something was fishy.

In the midst of confusion, Niock, Mitch and Song rushed down a flight of stairs following Hagrid's lead.

"Can't we use the elevator?" Niock asked as he made a turn to the next flight.

"No, they're jammed. I couldn't get in on the way up. Follow me." Hagrid said as his long robes dangled behind him, his massive size blocking the forthcoming view.

"What about Oliezhik?" Niock asked as they continued rushing down.

"Niock, did you count on him coming at all?" Song asked cynically.

Should've done more than three sets of stairs in physical endurance trials. They become useful. Mitch thought as his legs began to tremble.

The lower they went, the darker it got. First the sky looked like it was dawn, and then unmistakably dusk, and by the tenth flight of stairs, darkness surrounded them. Then the lights around the stairs came on, each successively, as if programmed to detect sound.

The stairs down from the thirteenth flight were blocked off by what looked like strong steel bars. They paused for a second. Mitch looked at Niock, who looked at Song. Without waiting, Hagrid grabbed the bars with his hands and ripped the frame off, allowing the party to proceed further down.

They finally arrived at their destination after fourteen flights of stairs. A giant door with a special mystique surrounding it appeared in front of them.


These were inscribed like they were ancient writing from the time of King Arthur.


These block letters appeared bright and clear in front of the door and looked like a bad attempt at 20th Century urban graffiti.

Niock hesitated for a moment, thinking about Oliezhik's comment from earlier in the day... it couldn't be...

"Uh... why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Niock asked rhetorically.

"Because we've never done this before?" Mitch jabbed back with cynicism. Before Niock could say anything, Mitch had already said it.

"Gar Par Yar".

The secret code to the door.

Nothing budged.

"Mitch, your code is much too outdated..." Song commented. "Let us not use ancient arts to try to break..."

Suddenly a bolt loosened, and the party felt a slight rush of wind. A small slot appeared in the middle, and a notch appeared.

Without thinking, Niock asked Song for the marker.

Song handed it over, and the door moved swiftly to the right as the floor shook.

Hagrid looked back at the rest of the party, and managed a small smile.

"Welcome to the fantasy world."

Hagrid stepped in the threshold with his left foot first.

And then, just as the party proceeded inside, the ground began to turn. First slowly, and then it began shaking violently. The door then shut behind them mercilessly.

In pitch darkness, admidst the violent bouts of turns and shakes, everyone's stomachs, including even Hagrid, began to swivel with acid and undigested food. It was not long before everyone began to vomit. Niock felt all the great food Song had treated him to as a "pre-game" had left him in the middle of all the twists and turns. It was absolutely unbearable.

And then, mixed in with the stomach acid, he tasted blood.


From above.

The shaking suddenly stopped. What looked like a stage for high school plays was set above them. Niock and Mitch tried to focus their eyes as the taste of blood still lingered on their tongues.

The short and stubby actor walked onto the stage, with two odd looking house-elves accompanying him. He then turned around to look directly at Niock.

"So, my dear friends. Vomit tastes good, yes? I'm glad I can still live up to my now ever-so famous name."

He chuckled.

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This page was last modified on 4 February 2009, at 05:11.
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