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Henry IV, part 2-

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The Second part of King Henry the Fourth Shakespeare homepage | Henry IV, part 2 | Entire play None

   Warkworth. Before the castle 
   Enter RUMOUR, painted full of tongues 

RUMOUR

   Open your ears; for which of you will stop
   The vent of hearing when loud Rumour speaks?
   I, from the orient to the drooping west,
   Making the wind my post-horse, still unfold
   The acts commenced on this ball of earth:
   Upon my tongues continual slanders ride,
   The which in every language I pronounce,
   Stuffing the ears of men with false reports.
   I speak of peace, while covert enmity
   Under the smile of safety wounds the world:
   And who but Rumour, who but only I,
   Make fearful musters and prepared defence,
   Whiles the big year, swoln with some other grief,
   Is thought with child by the stern tyrant war,
   And no such matter? Rumour is a pipe
   Blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures
   And of so easy and so plain a stop
   That the blunt monster with uncounted heads,
   The still-discordant wavering multitude,
   Can play upon it. But what need I thus
   My well-known body to anatomize
   Among my household? Why is Rumour here?
   I run before King Harry's victory;
   Who in a bloody field by Shrewsbury
   Hath beaten down young Hotspur and his troops,
   Quenching the flame of bold rebellion
   Even with the rebel's blood. But what mean I
   To speak so true at first? my office is
   To noise abroad that Harry Monmouth fell
   Under the wrath of noble Hotspur's sword,
   And that the king before the Douglas' rage
   Stoop'd his anointed head as low as death.
   This have I rumour'd through the peasant towns
   Between that royal field of Shrewsbury
   And this worm-eaten hold of ragged stone,
   Where Hotspur's father, old Northumberland,
   Lies crafty-sick: the posts come tiring on,
   And not a man of them brings other news
   Than they have learn'd of me: from Rumour's tongues
   They bring smooth comforts false, worse than
   true wrongs.
   Exit

ACT I SCENE I. The same.

   Enter LORD BARDOLPH 

LORD BARDOLPH

   Who keeps the gate here, ho?
   The Porter opens the gate
   Where is the earl?

Porter

   What shall I say you are?

LORD BARDOLPH

   Tell thou the earl
   That the Lord Bardolph doth attend him here.

Porter

   His lordship is walk'd forth into the orchard;
   Please it your honour, knock but at the gate,
   And he himself wilt answer.
   Enter NORTHUMBERLAND

LORD BARDOLPH

   Here comes the earl.
   Exit Porter

NORTHUMBERLAND

   What news, Lord Bardolph? every minute now
   Should be the father of some stratagem:
   The times are wild: contention, like a horse
   Full of high feeding, madly hath broke loose
   And bears down all before him.

LORD BARDOLPH

   Noble earl,
   I bring you certain news from Shrewsbury.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Good, an God will!

LORD BARDOLPH

   As good as heart can wish:
   The king is almost wounded to the death;
   And, in the fortune of my lord your son,
   Prince Harry slain outright; and both the Blunts
   Kill'd by the hand of Douglas; young Prince John
   And Westmoreland and Stafford fled the field;
   And Harry Monmouth's brawn, the hulk Sir John,
   Is prisoner to your son: O, such a day,
   So fought, so follow'd and so fairly won,
   Came not till now to dignify the times,
   Since Caesar's fortunes!

NORTHUMBERLAND

   How is this derived?
   Saw you the field? came you from Shrewsbury?

LORD BARDOLPH

   I spake with one, my lord, that came from thence,
   A gentleman well bred and of good name,
   That freely render'd me these news for true.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Here comes my servant Travers, whom I sent
   On Tuesday last to listen after news.
   Enter TRAVERS

LORD BARDOLPH

   My lord, I over-rode him on the way;
   And he is furnish'd with no certainties
   More than he haply may retail from me.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Now, Travers, what good tidings comes with you?

TRAVERS

   My lord, Sir John Umfrevile turn'd me back
   With joyful tidings; and, being better horsed,
   Out-rode me. After him came spurring hard
   A gentleman, almost forspent with speed,
   That stopp'd by me to breathe his bloodied horse.
   He ask'd the way to Chester; and of him
   I did demand what news from Shrewsbury:
   He told me that rebellion had bad luck
   And that young Harry Percy's spur was cold.
   With that, he gave his able horse the head,
   And bending forward struck his armed heels
   Against the panting sides of his poor jade
   Up to the rowel-head, and starting so
   He seem'd in running to devour the way,
   Staying no longer question.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Ha! Again:
   Said he young Harry Percy's spur was cold?
   Of Hotspur Coldspur? that rebellion
   Had met ill luck?

LORD BARDOLPH

   My lord, I'll tell you what;
   If my young lord your son have not the day,
   Upon mine honour, for a silken point
   I'll give my barony: never talk of it.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Why should that gentleman that rode by Travers
   Give then such instances of loss?

LORD BARDOLPH

   Who, he?
   He was some hilding fellow that had stolen
   The horse he rode on, and, upon my life,
   Spoke at a venture. Look, here comes more news.
   Enter MORTON

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Yea, this man's brow, like to a title-leaf,
   Foretells the nature of a tragic volume:
   So looks the strand whereon the imperious flood
   Hath left a witness'd usurpation.
   Say, Morton, didst thou come from Shrewsbury?

MORTON

   I ran from Shrewsbury, my noble lord;
   Where hateful death put on his ugliest mask
   To fright our party.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   How doth my son and brother?
   Thou tremblest; and the whiteness in thy cheek
   Is apter than thy tongue to tell thy errand.
   Even such a man, so faint, so spiritless,
   So dull, so dead in look, so woe-begone,
   Drew Priam's curtain in the dead of night,
   And would have told him half his Troy was burnt;
   But Priam found the fire ere he his tongue,
   And I my Percy's death ere thou report'st it.
   This thou wouldst say, 'Your son did thus and thus;
   Your brother thus: so fought the noble Douglas:'
   Stopping my greedy ear with their bold deeds:
   But in the end, to stop my ear indeed,
   Thou hast a sigh to blow away this praise,
   Ending with 'Brother, son, and all are dead.'

MORTON

   Douglas is living, and your brother, yet;
   But, for my lord your son--

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Why, he is dead.
   See what a ready tongue suspicion hath!
   He that but fears the thing he would not know
   Hath by instinct knowledge from others' eyes
   That what he fear'd is chanced. Yet speak, Morton;
   Tell thou an earl his divination lies,
   And I will take it as a sweet disgrace
   And make thee rich for doing me such wrong.

MORTON

   You are too great to be by me gainsaid:
   Your spirit is too true, your fears too certain.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Yet, for all this, say not that Percy's dead.
   I see a strange confession in thine eye:
   Thou shakest thy head and hold'st it fear or sin
   To speak a truth. If he be slain, say so;
   The tongue offends not that reports his death:
   And he doth sin that doth belie the dead,
   Not he which says the dead is not alive.
   Yet the first bringer of unwelcome news
   Hath but a losing office, and his tongue
   Sounds ever after as a sullen bell,
   Remember'd tolling a departing friend.

LORD BARDOLPH

   I cannot think, my lord, your son is dead.

MORTON

   I am sorry I should force you to believe
   That which I would to God I had not seen;
   But these mine eyes saw him in bloody state,
   Rendering faint quittance, wearied and out-breathed,
   To Harry Monmouth; whose swift wrath beat down
   The never-daunted Percy to the earth,
   From whence with life he never more sprung up.
   In few, his death, whose spirit lent a fire
   Even to the dullest peasant in his camp,
   Being bruited once, took fire and heat away
   From the best temper'd courage in his troops;
   For from his metal was his party steel'd;
   Which once in him abated, all the rest
   Turn'd on themselves, like dull and heavy lead:
   And as the thing that's heavy in itself,
   Upon enforcement flies with greatest speed,
   So did our men, heavy in Hotspur's loss,
   Lend to this weight such lightness with their fear
   That arrows fled not swifter toward their aim
   Than did our soldiers, aiming at their safety,
   Fly from the field. Then was the noble Worcester
   Too soon ta'en prisoner; and that furious Scot,
   The bloody Douglas, whose well-labouring sword
   Had three times slain the appearance of the king,
   'Gan vail his stomach and did grace the shame
   Of those that turn'd their backs, and in his flight,
   Stumbling in fear, was took. The sum of all
   Is that the king hath won, and hath sent out
   A speedy power to encounter you, my lord,
   Under the conduct of young Lancaster
   And Westmoreland. This is the news at full.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   For this I shall have time enough to mourn.
   In poison there is physic; and these news,
   Having been well, that would have made me sick,
   Being sick, have in some measure made me well:
   And as the wretch, whose fever-weaken'd joints,
   Like strengthless hinges, buckle under life,
   Impatient of his fit, breaks like a fire
   Out of his keeper's arms, even so my limbs,
   Weaken'd with grief, being now enraged with grief,
   Are thrice themselves. Hence, therefore, thou nice crutch!
   A scaly gauntlet now with joints of steel
   Must glove this hand: and hence, thou sickly quoif!
   Thou art a guard too wanton for the head
   Which princes, flesh'd with conquest, aim to hit.
   Now bind my brows with iron; and approach
   The ragged'st hour that time and spite dare bring
   To frown upon the enraged Northumberland!
   Let heaven kiss earth! now let not Nature's hand
   Keep the wild flood confined! let order die!
   And let this world no longer be a stage
   To feed contention in a lingering act;
   But let one spirit of the first-born Cain
   Reign in all bosoms, that, each heart being set
   On bloody courses, the rude scene may end,
   And darkness be the burier of the dead!

TRAVERS

   This strained passion doth you wrong, my lord.

LORD BARDOLPH

   Sweet earl, divorce not wisdom from your honour.

MORTON

   The lives of all your loving complices
   Lean on your health; the which, if you give o'er
   To stormy passion, must perforce decay.
   You cast the event of war, my noble lord,
   And summ'd the account of chance, before you said
   'Let us make head.' It was your presurmise,
   That, in the dole of blows, your son might drop:
   You knew he walk'd o'er perils, on an edge,
   More likely to fall in than to get o'er;
   You were advised his flesh was capable
   Of wounds and scars and that his forward spirit
   Would lift him where most trade of danger ranged:
   Yet did you say 'Go forth;' and none of this,
   Though strongly apprehended, could restrain
   The stiff-borne action: what hath then befallen,
   Or what hath this bold enterprise brought forth,
   More than that being which was like to be?

LORD BARDOLPH

   We all that are engaged to this loss
   Knew that we ventured on such dangerous seas
   That if we wrought our life 'twas ten to one;
   And yet we ventured, for the gain proposed
   Choked the respect of likely peril fear'd;
   And since we are o'erset, venture again.
   Come, we will all put forth, body and goods.

MORTON

   'Tis more than time: and, my most noble lord,
   I hear for certain, and do speak the truth,
   The gentle Archbishop of York is up
   With well-appointed powers: he is a man
   Who with a double surety binds his followers.
   My lord your son had only but the corpse,
   But shadows and the shows of men, to fight;
   For that same word, rebellion, did divide
   The action of their bodies from their souls;
   And they did fight with queasiness, constrain'd,
   As men drink potions, that their weapons only
   Seem'd on our side; but, for their spirits and souls,
   This word, rebellion, it had froze them up,
   As fish are in a pond. But now the bishop
   Turns insurrection to religion:
   Supposed sincere and holy in his thoughts,
   He's followed both with body and with mind;
   And doth enlarge his rising with the blood
   Of fair King Richard, scraped from Pomfret stones;
   Derives from heaven his quarrel and his cause;
   Tells them he doth bestride a bleeding land,
   Gasping for life under great Bolingbroke;
   And more and less do flock to follow him.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   I knew of this before; but, to speak truth,
   This present grief had wiped it from my mind.
   Go in with me; and counsel every man
   The aptest way for safety and revenge:
   Get posts and letters, and make friends with speed:
   Never so few, and never yet more need.
   Exeunt

SCENE II. London. A street.

   Enter FALSTAFF, with his Page bearing his sword and buckler 

FALSTAFF

   Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water?

Page

   He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy
   water; but, for the party that owed it, he might
   have more diseases than he knew for.

FALSTAFF

   Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me: the
   brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not
   able to invent anything that tends to laughter, more
   than I invent or is invented on me: I am not only
   witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other
   men. I do here walk before thee like a sow that
   hath overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the
   prince put thee into my service for any other reason
   than to set me off, why then I have no judgment.
   Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn
   in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never
   manned with an agate till now: but I will inset you
   neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and
   send you back again to your master, for a jewel,--
   the juvenal, the prince your master, whose chin is
   not yet fledged. I will sooner have a beard grow in
   the palm of my hand than he shall get one on his
   cheek; and yet he will not stick to say his face is
   a face-royal: God may finish it when he will, 'tis
   not a hair amiss yet: he may keep it still at a
   face-royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence
   out of it; and yet he'll be crowing as if he had
   writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He
   may keep his own grace, but he's almost out of mine,
   I can assure him. What said Master Dombledon about
   the satin for my short cloak and my slops?

Page

   He said, sir, you should procure him better
   assurance than Bardolph: he would not take his
   band and yours; he liked not the security.

FALSTAFF

   Let him be damned, like the glutton! pray God his
   tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally
   yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand,
   and then stand upon security! The whoreson
   smooth-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes, and
   bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is
   through with them in honest taking up, then they
   must stand upon security. I had as lief they would
   put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with
   security. I looked a' should have sent me two and
   twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he
   sends me security. Well, he may sleep in security;
   for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness
   of his wife shines through it: and yet cannot he
   see, though he have his own lanthorn to light him.
   Where's Bardolph?

Page

   He's gone into Smithfield to buy your worship a horse.

FALSTAFF

   I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in
   Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the
   stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.
   Enter the Lord Chief-Justice and Servant

Page

   Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the
   Prince for striking him about Bardolph.

FALSTAFF

   Wait, close; I will not see him.
   Lord Chief-Justice What's he that goes there?

Servant

   Falstaff, an't please your lordship.
   Lord Chief-Justice He that was in question for the robbery?

Servant

   He, my lord: but he hath since done good service at
   Shrewsbury; and, as I hear, is now going with some
   charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.
   Lord Chief-Justice What, to York? Call him back again.

Servant

   Sir John Falstaff!

FALSTAFF

   Boy, tell him I am deaf.

Page

   You must speak louder; my master is deaf.
   Lord Chief-Justice I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.
   Go, pluck him by the elbow; I must speak with him.

Servant

   Sir John!

FALSTAFF

   What! a young knave, and begging! Is there not
   wars? is there not employment? doth not the king
   lack subjects? do not the rebels need soldiers?
   Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it
   is worse shame to beg than to be on the worst side,
   were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell
   how to make it.

Servant

   You mistake me, sir.

FALSTAFF

   Why, sir, did I say you were an honest man? setting
   my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied
   in my throat, if I had said so.

Servant

   I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our
   soldiership aside; and give me leave to tell you,
   you lie in your throat, if you say I am any other
   than an honest man.

FALSTAFF

   I give thee leave to tell me so! I lay aside that
   which grows to me! if thou gettest any leave of me,
   hang me; if thou takest leave, thou wert better be
   hanged. You hunt counter: hence! avaunt!

Servant

   Sir, my lord would speak with you.
   Lord Chief-Justice Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.

FALSTAFF

   My good lord! God give your lordship good time of
   day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad: I heard
   say your lordship was sick: I hope your lordship
   goes abroad by advice. Your lordship, though not
   clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in
   you, some relish of the saltness of time; and I must
   humbly beseech your lordship to have a reverent care
   of your health.
   Lord Chief-Justice Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to
   Shrewsbury.

FALSTAFF

   An't please your lordship, I hear his majesty is
   returned with some discomfort from Wales.
   Lord Chief-Justice I talk not of his majesty: you would not come when
   I sent for you.

FALSTAFF

   And I hear, moreover, his highness is fallen into
   this same whoreson apoplexy.
   Lord Chief-Justice Well, God mend him! I pray you, let me speak with
   you.

FALSTAFF

   This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy,
   an't please your lordship; a kind of sleeping in the
   blood, a whoreson tingling.
   Lord Chief-Justice What tell you me of it? be it as it is.

FALSTAFF

   It hath its original from much grief, from study and
   perturbation of the brain: I have read the cause of
   his effects in Galen: it is a kind of deafness.
   Lord Chief-Justice I think you are fallen into the disease; for you
   hear not what I say to you.

FALSTAFF

   Very well, my lord, very well: rather, an't please
   you, it is the disease of not listening, the malady
   of not marking, that I am troubled withal.
   Lord Chief-Justice To punish you by the heels would amend the
   attention of your ears; and I care not if I do
   become your physician.

FALSTAFF

   I am as poor as Job, my lord, but not so patient:
   your lordship may minister the potion of
   imprisonment to me in respect of poverty; but how
   should I be your patient to follow your
   prescriptions, the wise may make some dram of a
   scruple, or indeed a scruple itself.
   Lord Chief-Justice I sent for you, when there were matters against you
   for your life, to come speak with me.

FALSTAFF

   As I was then advised by my learned counsel in the
   laws of this land-service, I did not come.
   Lord Chief-Justice Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in great infamy.

FALSTAFF

   He that buckles him in my belt cannot live in less.
   Lord Chief-Justice Your means are very slender, and your waste is great.

FALSTAFF

   I would it were otherwise; I would my means were
   greater, and my waist slenderer.
   Lord Chief-Justice You have misled the youthful prince.

FALSTAFF

   The young prince hath misled me: I am the fellow
   with the great belly, and he my dog.
   Lord Chief-Justice Well, I am loath to gall a new-healed wound: your
   day's service at Shrewsbury hath a little gilded
   over your night's exploit on Gad's-hill: you may
   thank the unquiet time for your quiet o'er-posting
   that action.

FALSTAFF

   My lord?
   Lord Chief-Justice But since all is well, keep it so: wake not a
   sleeping wolf.

FALSTAFF

   To wake a wolf is as bad as to smell a fox.
   Lord Chief-Justice What! you are as a candle, the better part burnt
   out.

FALSTAFF

   A wassail candle, my lord, all tallow: if I did say
   of wax, my growth would approve the truth.
   Lord Chief-Justice There is not a white hair on your face but should
   have his effect of gravity.

FALSTAFF

   His effect of gravy, gravy, gravy.
   Lord Chief-Justice You follow the young prince up and down, like his
   ill angel.

FALSTAFF

   Not so, my lord; your ill angel is light; but I hope
   he that looks upon me will take me without weighing:
   and yet, in some respects, I grant, I cannot go: I
   cannot tell. Virtue is of so little regard in these
   costermonger times that true valour is turned
   bear-herd: pregnancy is made a tapster, and hath
   his quick wit wasted in giving reckonings: all the
   other gifts appertinent to man, as the malice of
   this age shapes them, are not worth a gooseberry.
   You that are old consider not the capacities of us
   that are young; you do measure the heat of our
   livers with the bitterness of your galls: and we
   that are in the vaward of our youth, I must confess,
   are wags too.
   Lord Chief-Justice Do you set down your name in the scroll of youth,
   that are written down old with all the characters of
   age? Have you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a
   yellow cheek? a white beard? a decreasing leg? an
   increasing belly? is not your voice broken? your
   wind short? your chin double? your wit single? and
   every part about you blasted with antiquity? and
   will you yet call yourself young? Fie, fie, fie, Sir John!

FALSTAFF

   My lord, I was born about three of the clock in the
   afternoon, with a white head and something a round
   belly. For my voice, I have lost it with halloing
   and singing of anthems. To approve my youth
   further, I will not: the truth is, I am only old in
   judgment and understanding; and he that will caper
   with me for a thousand marks, let him lend me the
   money, and have at him! For the box of the ear that
   the prince gave you, he gave it like a rude prince,
   and you took it like a sensible lord. I have
   chequed him for it, and the young lion repents;
   marry, not in ashes and sackcloth, but in new silk
   and old sack.
   Lord Chief-Justice Well, God send the prince a better companion!

FALSTAFF

   God send the companion a better prince! I cannot
   rid my hands of him.
   Lord Chief-Justice Well, the king hath severed you and Prince Harry: I
   hear you are going with Lord John of Lancaster
   against the Archbishop and the Earl of
   Northumberland.

FALSTAFF

   Yea; I thank your pretty sweet wit for it. But look
   you pray, all you that kiss my lady Peace at home,
   that our armies join not in a hot day; for, by the
   Lord, I take but two shirts out with me, and I mean
   not to sweat extraordinarily: if it be a hot day,
   and I brandish any thing but a bottle, I would I
   might never spit white again. There is not a
   dangerous action can peep out his head but I am
   thrust upon it: well, I cannot last ever: but it
   was alway yet the trick of our English nation, if
   they have a good thing, to make it too common. If
   ye will needs say I am an old man, you should give
   me rest. I would to God my name were not so
   terrible to the enemy as it is: I were better to be
   eaten to death with a rust than to be scoured to
   nothing with perpetual motion.
   Lord Chief-Justice Well, be honest, be honest; and God bless your
   expedition!

FALSTAFF

   Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound to
   furnish me forth?
   Lord Chief-Justice Not a penny, not a penny; you are too impatient to
   bear crosses. Fare you well: commend me to my
   cousin Westmoreland.
   Exeunt Chief-Justice and Servant

FALSTAFF

   If I do, fillip me with a three-man beetle. A man
   can no more separate age and covetousness than a'
   can part young limbs and lechery: but the gout
   galls the one, and the pox pinches the other; and
   so both the degrees prevent my curses. Boy!

Page

   Sir?

FALSTAFF

   What money is in my purse?

Page

   Seven groats and two pence.

FALSTAFF

   I can get no remedy against this consumption of the
   purse: borrowing only lingers and lingers it out,
   but the disease is incurable. Go bear this letter
   to my Lord of Lancaster; this to the prince; this
   to the Earl of Westmoreland; and this to old
   Mistress Ursula, whom I have weekly sworn to marry
   since I perceived the first white hair on my chin.
   About it: you know where to find me.
   Exit Page
   A pox of this gout! or, a gout of this pox! for
   the one or the other plays the rogue with my great
   toe. 'Tis no matter if I do halt; I have the wars
   for my colour, and my pension shall seem the more
   reasonable. A good wit will make use of any thing:
   I will turn diseases to commodity.
   Exit

SCENE III. York. The Archbishop's palace.

   Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, the Lords HASTINGS, MOWBRAY, and BARDOLPH 

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Thus have you heard our cause and known our means;
   And, my most noble friends, I pray you all,
   Speak plainly your opinions of our hopes:
   And first, lord marshal, what say you to it?

MOWBRAY

   I well allow the occasion of our arms;
   But gladly would be better satisfied
   How in our means we should advance ourselves
   To look with forehead bold and big enough
   Upon the power and puissance of the king.

HASTINGS

   Our present musters grow upon the file
   To five and twenty thousand men of choice;
   And our supplies live largely in the hope
   Of great Northumberland, whose bosom burns
   With an incensed fire of injuries.

LORD BARDOLPH

   The question then, Lord Hastings, standeth thus;
   Whether our present five and twenty thousand
   May hold up head without Northumberland?

HASTINGS

   With him, we may.

LORD BARDOLPH

   Yea, marry, there's the point:
   But if without him we be thought too feeble,
   My judgment is, we should not step too far
   Till we had his assistance by the hand;
   For in a theme so bloody-faced as this
   Conjecture, expectation, and surmise
   Of aids incertain should not be admitted.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   'Tis very true, Lord Bardolph; for indeed
   It was young Hotspur's case at Shrewsbury.

LORD BARDOLPH

   It was, my lord; who lined himself with hope,
   Eating the air on promise of supply,
   Flattering himself in project of a power
   Much smaller than the smallest of his thoughts:
   And so, with great imagination
   Proper to madmen, led his powers to death
   And winking leap'd into destruction.

HASTINGS

   But, by your leave, it never yet did hurt
   To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope.

LORD BARDOLPH

   Yes, if this present quality of war,
   Indeed the instant action: a cause on foot
   Lives so in hope as in an early spring
   We see the appearing buds; which to prove fruit,
   Hope gives not so much warrant as despair
   That frosts will bite them. When we mean to build,
   We first survey the plot, then draw the model;
   And when we see the figure of the house,
   Then must we rate the cost of the erection;
   Which if we find outweighs ability,
   What do we then but draw anew the model
   In fewer offices, or at last desist
   To build at all? Much more, in this great work,
   Which is almost to pluck a kingdom down
   And set another up, should we survey
   The plot of situation and the model,
   Consent upon a sure foundation,
   Question surveyors, know our own estate,
   How able such a work to undergo,
   To weigh against his opposite; or else
   We fortify in paper and in figures,
   Using the names of men instead of men:
   Like one that draws the model of a house
   Beyond his power to build it; who, half through,
   Gives o'er and leaves his part-created cost
   A naked subject to the weeping clouds
   And waste for churlish winter's tyranny.

HASTINGS

   Grant that our hopes, yet likely of fair birth,
   Should be still-born, and that we now possess'd
   The utmost man of expectation,
   I think we are a body strong enough,
   Even as we are, to equal with the king.

LORD BARDOLPH

   What, is the king but five and twenty thousand?

HASTINGS

   To us no more; nay, not so much, Lord Bardolph.
   For his divisions, as the times do brawl,
   Are in three heads: one power against the French,
   And one against Glendower; perforce a third
   Must take up us: so is the unfirm king
   In three divided; and his coffers sound
   With hollow poverty and emptiness.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   That he should draw his several strengths together
   And come against us in full puissance,
   Need not be dreaded.

HASTINGS

   If he should do so,
   He leaves his back unarm'd, the French and Welsh
   Baying him at the heels: never fear that.

LORD BARDOLPH

   Who is it like should lead his forces hither?

HASTINGS

   The Duke of Lancaster and Westmoreland;
   Against the Welsh, himself and Harry Monmouth:
   But who is substituted 'gainst the French,
   I have no certain notice.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Let us on,
   And publish the occasion of our arms.
   The commonwealth is sick of their own choice;
   Their over-greedy love hath surfeited:
   An habitation giddy and unsure
   Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.
   O thou fond many, with what loud applause
   Didst thou beat heaven with blessing Bolingbroke,
   Before he was what thou wouldst have him be!
   And being now trimm'd in thine own desires,
   Thou, beastly feeder, art so full of him,
   That thou provokest thyself to cast him up.
   So, so, thou common dog, didst thou disgorge
   Thy glutton bosom of the royal Richard;
   And now thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up,
   And howl'st to find it. What trust is in
   these times?
   They that, when Richard lived, would have him die,
   Are now become enamour'd on his grave:
   Thou, that threw'st dust upon his goodly head
   When through proud London he came sighing on
   After the admired heels of Bolingbroke,
   Criest now 'O earth, yield us that king again,
   And take thou this!' O thoughts of men accursed!
   Past and to come seems best; things present worst.

MOWBRAY

   Shall we go draw our numbers and set on?

HASTINGS

   We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone.
   Exeunt

ACT II SCENE I. London. A street.

   Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, FANG and his Boy with her, and SNARE following. 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Master Fang, have you entered the action?

FANG

   It is entered.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Where's your yeoman? Is't a lusty yeoman? will a'
   stand to 't?

FANG

   Sirrah, where's Snare?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   O Lord, ay! good Master Snare.

SNARE

   Here, here.

FANG

   Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Yea, good Master Snare; I have entered him and all.

SNARE

   It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will stab.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabbed me in
   mine own house, and that most beastly: in good
   faith, he cares not what mischief he does. If his
   weapon be out: he will foin like any devil; he will
   spare neither man, woman, nor child.

FANG

   If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   No, nor I neither: I'll be at your elbow.

FANG

   An I but fist him once; an a' come but within my vice,--

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   I am undone by his going; I warrant you, he's an
   infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang,
   hold him sure: good Master Snare, let him not
   'scape. A' comes continuantly to Pie-corner--saving
   your manhoods--to buy a saddle; and he is indited to
   dinner to the Lubber's-head in Lumbert street, to
   Master Smooth's the silkman: I pray ye, since my
   exion is entered and my case so openly known to the
   world, let him be brought in to his answer. A
   hundred mark is a long one for a poor lone woman to
   bear: and I have borne, and borne, and borne, and
   have been fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed
   off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame
   to be thought on. There is no honesty in such
   dealing; unless a woman should be made an ass and a
   beast, to bear every knave's wrong. Yonder he
   comes; and that errant malmsey-nose knave, Bardolph,
   with him. Do your offices, do your offices: Master
   Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.
   Enter FALSTAFF, Page, and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

   How now! whose mare's dead? what's the matter?

FANG

   Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

FALSTAFF

   Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph: cut me off the
   villain's head: throw the quean in the channel.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Throw me in the channel! I'll throw thee in the
   channel. Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly
   rogue! Murder, murder! Ah, thou honeysuckle
   villain! wilt thou kill God's officers and the
   king's? Ah, thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a
   honey-seed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller.

FALSTAFF

   Keep them off, Bardolph.

FANG

   A rescue! a rescue!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wo't, wo't
   thou? Thou wo't, wo't ta? do, do, thou rogue! do,
   thou hemp-seed!

FALSTAFF

   Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You
   fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.
   Enter the Lord Chief-Justice, and his men
   Lord Chief-Justice What is the matter? keep the peace here, ho!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you, stand to me.
   Lord Chief-Justice How now, Sir John! what are you brawling here?
   Doth this become your place, your time and business?
   You should have been well on your way to York.
   Stand from him, fellow: wherefore hang'st upon him?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   O most worshipful lord, an't please your grace, I am
   a poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.
   Lord Chief-Justice For what sum?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all,
   all I have. He hath eaten me out of house and home;
   he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of
   his: but I will have some of it out again, or I
   will ride thee o' nights like the mare.

FALSTAFF

   I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have
   any vantage of ground to get up.
   Lord Chief-Justice How comes this, Sir John? Fie! what man of good
   temper would endure this tempest of exclamation?
   Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so
   rough a course to come by her own?

FALSTAFF

   What is the gross sum that I owe thee?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the
   money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a
   parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber,
   at the round table, by a sea-coal fire, upon
   Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the prince broke
   thy head for liking his father to a singing-man of
   Windsor, thou didst swear to me then, as I was
   washing thy wound, to marry me and make me my lady
   thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife
   Keech, the butcher's wife, come in then and call me
   gossip Quickly? coming in to borrow a mess of
   vinegar; telling us she had a good dish of prawns;
   whereby thou didst desire to eat some; whereby I
   told thee they were ill for a green wound? And
   didst thou not, when she was gone down stairs,
   desire me to be no more so familiarity with such
   poor people; saying that ere long they should call
   me madam? And didst thou not kiss me and bid me
   fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy
   book-oath: deny it, if thou canst.

FALSTAFF

   My lord, this is a poor mad soul; and she says up
   and down the town that the eldest son is like you:
   she hath been in good case, and the truth is,
   poverty hath distracted her. But for these foolish
   officers, I beseech you I may have redress against them.
   Lord Chief-Justice Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your
   manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It
   is not a confident brow, nor the throng of words
   that come with such more than impudent sauciness
   from you, can thrust me from a level consideration:
   you have, as it appears to me, practised upon the
   easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and made her
   serve your uses both in purse and in person.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Yea, in truth, my lord.
   Lord Chief-Justice Pray thee, peace. Pay her the debt you owe her, and
   unpay the villany you have done her: the one you
   may do with sterling money, and the other with
   current repentance.

FALSTAFF

   My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without
   reply. You call honourable boldness impudent
   sauciness: if a man will make courtesy and say
   nothing, he is virtuous: no, my lord, my humble
   duty remembered, I will not be your suitor. I say
   to you, I do desire deliverance from these officers,
   being upon hasty employment in the king's affairs.
   Lord Chief-Justice You speak as having power to do wrong: but answer
   in the effect of your reputation, and satisfy this
   poor woman.

FALSTAFF

   Come hither, hostess.
   Enter GOWER
   Lord Chief-Justice Now, Master Gower, what news?

GOWER

   The king, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales
   Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells.

FALSTAFF

   As I am a gentleman.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Faith, you said so before.

FALSTAFF

   As I am a gentleman. Come, no more words of it.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain
   to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my
   dining-chambers.

FALSTAFF

   Glasses, glasses is the only drinking: and for thy
   walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of
   the Prodigal, or the German hunting in water-work,
   is worth a thousand of these bed-hangings and these
   fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound, if thou
   canst. Come, an 'twere not for thy humours, there's
   not a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face,
   and draw the action. Come, thou must not be in
   this humour with me; dost not know me? come, come, I
   know thou wast set on to this.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles: i'
   faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me,
   la!

FALSTAFF

   Let it alone; I'll make other shift: you'll be a
   fool still.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I
   hope you'll come to supper. You'll pay me all together?

FALSTAFF

   Will I live?
   To BARDOLPH
   Go, with her, with her; hook on, hook on.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?

FALSTAFF

   No more words; let's have her.
   Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY, BARDOLPH, Officers and Boy
   Lord Chief-Justice I have heard better news.

FALSTAFF

   What's the news, my lord?
   Lord Chief-Justice Where lay the king last night?

GOWER

   At Basingstoke, my lord.

FALSTAFF

   I hope, my lord, all's well: what is the news, my lord?
   Lord Chief-Justice Come all his forces back?

GOWER

   No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,
   Are marched up to my lord of Lancaster,
   Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.

FALSTAFF

   Comes the king back from Wales, my noble lord?
   Lord Chief-Justice You shall have letters of me presently:
   Come, go along with me, good Master Gower.

FALSTAFF

   My lord!
   Lord Chief-Justice What's the matter?

FALSTAFF

   Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?

GOWER

   I must wait upon my good lord here; I thank you,
   good Sir John.
   Lord Chief-Justice Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to
   take soldiers up in counties as you go.

FALSTAFF

   Will you sup with me, Master Gower?
   Lord Chief-Justice What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

   Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool
   that taught them me. This is the right fencing
   grace, my lord; tap for tap, and so part fair.
   Lord Chief-Justice Now the Lord lighten thee! thou art a great fool.
   Exeunt

SCENE II. London. Another street.

   Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS 

PRINCE HENRY

   Before God, I am exceeding weary.

POINS

   Is't come to that? I had thought weariness durst not
   have attached one of so high blood.

PRINCE HENRY

   Faith, it does me; though it discolours the
   complexion of my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth
   it not show vilely in me to desire small beer?

POINS

   Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as
   to remember so weak a composition.

PRINCE HENRY

   Belike then my appetite was not princely got; for,
   by my troth, I do now remember the poor creature,
   small beer. But, indeed, these humble
   considerations make me out of love with my
   greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to remember
   thy name! or to know thy face to-morrow! or to
   take note how many pair of silk stockings thou
   hast, viz. these, and those that were thy
   peach-coloured ones! or to bear the inventory of thy
   shirts, as, one for superfluity, and another for
   use! But that the tennis-court-keeper knows better
   than I; for it is a low ebb of linen with thee when
   thou keepest not racket there; as thou hast not done
   a great while, because the rest of thy low
   countries have made a shift to eat up thy holland:
   and God knows, whether those that bawl out the ruins
   of thy linen shall inherit his kingdom: but the
   midwives say the children are not in the fault;
   whereupon the world increases, and kindreds are
   mightily strengthened.

POINS

   How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard,
   you should talk so idly! Tell me, how many good
   young princes would do so, their fathers being so
   sick as yours at this time is?

PRINCE HENRY

   Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?

POINS

   Yes, faith; and let it be an excellent good thing.

PRINCE HENRY

   It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than thine.

POINS

   Go to; I stand the push of your one thing that you
   will tell.

PRINCE HENRY

   Marry, I tell thee, it is not meet that I should be
   sad, now my father is sick: albeit I could tell
   thee, as to one it pleases me, for fault of a
   better, to call my friend, I could be sad, and sad
   indeed too.

POINS

   Very hardly upon such a subject.

PRINCE HENRY

   By this hand thou thinkest me as far in the devil's
   book as thou and Falstaff for obduracy and
   persistency: let the end try the man. But I tell
   thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father is so
   sick: and keeping such vile company as thou art
   hath in reason taken from me all ostentation of sorrow.

POINS

   The reason?

PRINCE HENRY

   What wouldst thou think of me, if I should weep?

POINS

   I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.

PRINCE HENRY

   It would be every man's thought; and thou art a
   blessed fellow to think as every man thinks: never
   a man's thought in the world keeps the road-way
   better than thine: every man would think me an
   hypocrite indeed. And what accites your most
   worshipful thought to think so?

POINS

   Why, because you have been so lewd and so much
   engraffed to Falstaff.

PRINCE HENRY

   And to thee.

POINS

   By this light, I am well spoke on; I can hear it
   with my own ears: the worst that they can say of
   me is that I am a second brother and that I am a
   proper fellow of my hands; and those two things, I
   confess, I cannot help. By the mass, here comes Bardolph.
   Enter BARDOLPH and Page

PRINCE HENRY

   And the boy that I gave Falstaff: a' had him from
   me Christian; and look, if the fat villain have not
   transformed him ape.

BARDOLPH

   God save your grace!

PRINCE HENRY

   And yours, most noble Bardolph!

BARDOLPH

   Come, you virtuous ass, you bashful fool, must you
   be blushing? wherefore blush you now? What a
   maidenly man-at-arms are you become! Is't such a
   matter to get a pottle-pot's maidenhead?

Page

   A' calls me e'en now, my lord, through a red
   lattice, and I could discern no part of his face
   from the window: at last I spied his eyes, and
   methought he had made two holes in the ale-wife's
   new petticoat and so peeped through.

PRINCE HENRY

   Has not the boy profited?

BARDOLPH

   Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!

Page

   Away, you rascally Althaea's dream, away!

PRINCE HENRY

   Instruct us, boy; what dream, boy?

Page

   Marry, my lord, Althaea dreamed she was delivered
   of a fire-brand; and therefore I call him her dream.

PRINCE HENRY

   A crown's worth of good interpretation: there 'tis,
   boy.

POINS

   O, that this good blossom could be kept from
   cankers! Well, there is sixpence to preserve thee.

BARDOLPH

   An you do not make him hanged among you, the
   gallows shall have wrong.

PRINCE HENRY

   And how doth thy master, Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

   Well, my lord. He heard of your grace's coming to
   town: there's a letter for you.

POINS

   Delivered with good respect. And how doth the
   martlemas, your master?

BARDOLPH

   In bodily health, sir.

POINS

   Marry, the immortal part needs a physician; but
   that moves not him: though that be sick, it dies
   not.

PRINCE HENRY

   I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as my
   dog; and he holds his place; for look you how be writes.

POINS

   [Reads] 'John Falstaff, knight,'--every man must
   know that, as oft as he has occasion to name
   himself: even like those that are kin to the king;
   for they never prick their finger but they say,
   'There's some of the king's blood spilt.' 'How
   comes that?' says he, that takes upon him not to
   conceive. The answer is as ready as a borrower's
   cap, 'I am the king's poor cousin, sir.'

PRINCE HENRY

   Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it
   from Japhet. But to the letter.

POINS

   [Reads] 'Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of
   the king, nearest his father, Harry Prince of
   Wales, greeting.' Why, this is a certificate.

PRINCE HENRY

   Peace!

POINS

   [Reads] 'I will imitate the honourable Romans in
   brevity:' he sure means brevity in breath,
   short-winded. 'I commend me to thee, I commend
   thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with
   Poins; for he misuses thy favours so much, that he
   swears thou art to marry his sister Nell. Repent
   at idle times as thou mayest; and so, farewell.
   Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to
   say, as thou usest him, JACK FALSTAFF with my
   familiars, JOHN with my brothers and sisters,
   and SIR JOHN with all Europe.'
   My lord, I'll steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.

PRINCE HENRY

   That's to make him eat twenty of his words. But do
   you use me thus, Ned? must I marry your sister?

POINS

   God send the wench no worse fortune! But I never said so.

PRINCE HENRY

   Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the
   spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us.
   Is your master here in London?

BARDOLPH

   Yea, my lord.

PRINCE HENRY

   Where sups he? doth the old boar feed in the old frank?

BARDOLPH

   At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY

   What company?

Page

   Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.

PRINCE HENRY

   Sup any women with him?

Page

   None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and
   Mistress Doll Tearsheet.

PRINCE HENRY

   What pagan may that be?

Page

   A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master's.

PRINCE HENRY

   Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town
   bull. Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?

POINS

   I am your shadow, my lord; I'll follow you.

PRINCE HENRY

   Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your
   master that I am yet come to town: there's for
   your silence.

BARDOLPH

   I have no tongue, sir.

Page

   And for mine, sir, I will govern it.

PRINCE HENRY

   Fare you well; go.
   Exeunt BARDOLPH and Page
   This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.

POINS

   I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint
   Alban's and London.

PRINCE HENRY

   How might we see Falstaff bestow himself to-night
   in his true colours, and not ourselves be seen?

POINS

   Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait
   upon him at his table as drawers.

PRINCE HENRY

   From a God to a bull? a heavy decension! it was
   Jove's case. From a prince to a prentice? a low
   transformation! that shall be mine; for in every
   thing the purpose must weigh with the folly.
   Follow me, Ned.
   Exeunt

SCENE III. Warkworth. Before the castle.

   Enter NORTHUMBERLAND, LADY NORTHUMBERLAND, and LADY PERCY 

NORTHUMBERLAND

   I pray thee, loving wife, and gentle daughter,
   Give even way unto my rough affairs:
   Put not you on the visage of the times
   And be like them to Percy troublesome.
   LADY

NORTHUMBERLAND

   I have given over, I will speak no more:
   Do what you will; your wisdom be your guide.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn;
   And, but my going, nothing can redeem it.

LADY PERCY

   O yet, for God's sake, go not to these wars!
   The time was, father, that you broke your word,
   When you were more endeared to it than now;
   When your own Percy, when my heart's dear Harry,
   Threw many a northward look to see his father
   Bring up his powers; but he did long in vain.
   Who then persuaded you to stay at home?
   There were two honours lost, yours and your son's.
   For yours, the God of heaven brighten it!
   For his, it stuck upon him as the sun
   In the grey vault of heaven, and by his light
   Did all the chivalry of England move
   To do brave acts: he was indeed the glass
   Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves:
   He had no legs that practised not his gait;
   And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish,
   Became the accents of the valiant;
   For those that could speak low and tardily
   Would turn their own perfection to abuse,
   To seem like him: so that in speech, in gait,
   In diet, in affections of delight,
   In military rules, humours of blood,
   He was the mark and glass, copy and book,
   That fashion'd others. And him, O wondrous him!
   O miracle of men! him did you leave,
   Second to none, unseconded by you,
   To look upon the hideous god of war
   In disadvantage; to abide a field
   Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur's name
   Did seem defensible: so you left him.
   Never, O never, do his ghost the wrong
   To hold your honour more precise and nice
   With others than with him! let them alone:
   The marshal and the archbishop are strong:
   Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
   To-day might I, hanging on Hotspur's neck,
   Have talk'd of Monmouth's grave.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Beshrew your heart,
   Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me
   With new lamenting ancient oversights.
   But I must go and meet with danger there,
   Or it will seek me in another place
   And find me worse provided.
   LADY

NORTHUMBERLAND

   O, fly to Scotland,
   Till that the nobles and the armed commons
   Have of their puissance made a little taste.

LADY PERCY

   If they get ground and vantage of the king,
   Then join you with them, like a rib of steel,
   To make strength stronger; but, for all our loves,
   First let them try themselves. So did your son;
   He was so suffer'd: so came I a widow;
   And never shall have length of life enough
   To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes,
   That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven,
   For recordation to my noble husband.

NORTHUMBERLAND

   Come, come, go in with me. 'Tis with my mind
   As with the tide swell'd up unto his height,
   That makes a still-stand, running neither way:
   Fain would I go to meet the archbishop,
   But many thousand reasons hold me back.
   I will resolve for Scotland: there am I,
   Till time and vantage crave my company.
   Exeunt

SCENE IV. London. The Boar's-head Tavern in Eastcheap.

   Enter two Drawers 

First Drawer

   What the devil hast thou brought there? apple-johns?
   thou knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.

Second Drawer

   Mass, thou sayest true. The prince once set a dish
   of apple-johns before him, and told him there were
   five more Sir Johns, and, putting off his hat, said
   'I will now take my leave of these six dry, round,
   old, withered knights.' It angered him to the
   heart: but he hath forgot that.

First Drawer

   Why, then, cover, and set them down: and see if
   thou canst find out Sneak's noise; Mistress
   Tearsheet would fain hear some music. Dispatch: the
   room where they supped is too hot; they'll come in straight.

Second Drawer

   Sirrah, here will be the prince and Master Poins
   anon; and they will put on two of our jerkins and
   aprons; and Sir John must not know of it: Bardolph
   hath brought word.

First Drawer

   By the mass, here will be old Utis: it will be an
   excellent stratagem.

Second Drawer

   I'll see if I can find out Sneak.
   Exit
   Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an
   excellent good temperality: your pulsidge beats as
   extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your
   colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose, in good
   truth, la! But, i' faith, you have drunk too much
   canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine,
   and it perfumes the blood ere one can say 'What's
   this?' How do you now?

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Better than I was: hem!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold.
   Lo, here comes Sir John.
   Enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF

   [Singing] 'When Arthur first in court,'
   --Empty the jordan.
   Exit First Drawer
   Singing
   --'And was a worthy king.' How now, Mistress Doll!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Sick of a calm; yea, good faith.

FALSTAFF

   So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me?

FALSTAFF

   You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   I make them! gluttony and diseases make them; I
   make them not.

FALSTAFF

   If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to
   make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we
   catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue grant that.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels.

FALSTAFF

   'Your broaches, pearls, and ouches:' for to serve
   bravely is to come halting off, you know: to come
   off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to
   surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged
   chambers bravely,--

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never
   meet but you fall to some discord: you are both,
   i' good truth, as rheumatic as two dry toasts; you
   cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What
   the good-year! one must bear, and that must be
   you: you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the
   emptier vessel.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full
   hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of
   Bourdeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk
   better stuffed in the hold. Come, I'll be friends
   with thee, Jack: thou art going to the wars; and
   whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is
   nobody cares.
   Re-enter First Drawer

First Drawer

   Sir, Ancient Pistol's below, and would speak with
   you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come
   hither: it is the foul-mouthed'st rogue in England.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by my
   faith; I must live among my neighbours: I'll no
   swaggerers: I am in good name and fame with the
   very best: shut the door; there comes no swaggerers
   here: I have not lived all this while, to have
   swaggering now: shut the door, I pray you.

FALSTAFF

   Dost thou hear, hostess?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Pray ye, pacify yourself, Sir John: there comes no
   swaggerers here.

FALSTAFF

   Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne'er tell me: your ancient
   swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master
   Tisick, the debuty, t'other day; and, as he said to
   me, 'twas no longer ago than Wednesday last, 'I'
   good faith, neighbour Quickly,' says he; Master
   Dumbe, our minister, was by then; 'neighbour
   Quickly,' says he, 'receive those that are civil;
   for,' said he, 'you are in an ill name:' now a'
   said so, I can tell whereupon; 'for,' says he, 'you
   are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore
   take heed what guests you receive: receive,' says
   he, 'no swaggering companions.' There comes none
   here: you would bless you to hear what he said:
   no, I'll no swaggerers.

FALSTAFF

   He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater, i'
   faith; you may stroke him as gently as a puppy
   greyhound: he'll not swagger with a Barbary hen, if
   her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.
   Call him up, drawer.
   Exit First Drawer

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my
   house, nor no cheater: but I do not love
   swaggering, by my troth; I am the worse, when one
   says swagger: feel, masters, how I shake; look you,
   I warrant you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   So you do, hostess.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen
   leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers.
   Enter PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and Page

PISTOL

   God save you, Sir John!

FALSTAFF

   Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge
   you with a cup of sack: do you discharge upon mine hostess.

PISTOL

   I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.

FALSTAFF

   She is Pistol-proof, sir; you shall hardly offend
   her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Come, I'll drink no proofs nor no bullets: I'll
   drink no more than will do me good, for no man's
   pleasure, I.

PISTOL

   Then to you, Mistress Dorothy; I will charge you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What!
   you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen
   mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for
   your master.

PISTOL

   I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away!
   by this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy
   chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away,
   you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale
   juggler, you! Since when, I pray you, sir? God's
   light, with two points on your shoulder? much!

PISTOL

   God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.

FALSTAFF

   No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off here:
   discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   No, Good Captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Captain! thou abominable damned cheater, art thou
   not ashamed to be called captain? An captains were
   of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for
   taking their names upon you before you have earned
   them. You a captain! you slave, for what? for
   tearing a poor whore's ruff in a bawdy-house? He a
   captain! hang him, rogue! he lives upon mouldy
   stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain! God's
   light, these villains will make the word as odious
   as the word 'occupy;' which was an excellent good
   word before it was ill sorted: therefore captains
   had need look to 't.

BARDOLPH

   Pray thee, go down, good ancient.

FALSTAFF

   Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

PISTOL

   Not I I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could
   tear her: I'll be revenged of her.

Page

   Pray thee, go down.

PISTOL

   I'll see her damned first; to Pluto's damned lake,
   by this hand, to the infernal deep, with Erebus and
   tortures vile also. Hold hook and line, say I.
   Down, down, dogs! down, faitors! Have we not
   Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Good Captain Peesel, be quiet; 'tis very late, i'
   faith: I beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

PISTOL

   These be good humours, indeed! Shall pack-horses
   And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia,
   Which cannot go but thirty mile a-day,
   Compare with Caesars, and with Cannibals,
   And Trojan Greeks? nay, rather damn them with
   King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar.
   Shall we fall foul for toys?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

BARDOLPH

   Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to abrawl anon.

PISTOL

   Die men like dogs! give crowns like pins! Have we
   not Heren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   O' my word, captain, there's none such here. What
   the good-year! do you think I would deny her? For
   God's sake, be quiet.

PISTOL

   Then feed, and be fat, my fair Calipolis.
   Come, give's some sack.
   'Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento.'
   Fear we broadsides? no, let the fiend give fire:
   Give me some sack: and, sweetheart, lie thou there.
   Laying down his sword
   Come we to full points here; and are etceteras nothing?

FALSTAFF

   Pistol, I would be quiet.

PISTOL

   Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf: what! we have seen
   the seven stars.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   For God's sake, thrust him down stairs: I cannot
   endure such a fustian rascal.

PISTOL

   Thrust him down stairs! know we not Galloway nags?

FALSTAFF

   Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat
   shilling: nay, an a' do nothing but speak nothing,
   a' shall be nothing here.

BARDOLPH

   Come, get you down stairs.

PISTOL

   What! shall we have incision? shall we imbrue?
   Snatching up his sword
   Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days!
   Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
   Untwine the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos, I say!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Here's goodly stuff toward!

FALSTAFF

   Give me my rapier, boy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw.

FALSTAFF

   Get you down stairs.
   Drawing, and driving PISTOL out

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping
   house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights.
   So; murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas! put up
   your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.
   Exeunt PISTOL and BARDOLPH

DOLL TEARSHEET

   I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal's gone.
   Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   He you not hurt i' the groin? methought a' made a
   shrewd thrust at your belly.
   Re-enter BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

   Have you turned him out o' doors?

BARDOLPH

   Yea, sir. The rascal's drunk: you have hurt him,
   sir, i' the shoulder.

FALSTAFF

   A rascal! to brave me!

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! alas, poor ape,
   how thou sweatest! come, let me wipe thy face;
   come on, you whoreson chops: ah, rogue! i'faith, I
   love thee: thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy,
   worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than
   the Nine Worthies: ah, villain!

FALSTAFF

   A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Do, an thou darest for thy heart: an thou dost,
   I'll canvass thee between a pair of sheets.
   Enter Music

Page

   The music is come, sir.

FALSTAFF

   Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Doll.
   A rascal bragging slave! the rogue fled from me
   like quicksilver.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   I' faith, and thou followedst him like a church.
   Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig,
   when wilt thou leave fighting o' days and foining
   o' nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven?
   Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS, disguised

FALSTAFF

   Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's-head;
   do not bid me remember mine end.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Sirrah, what humour's the prince of?

FALSTAFF

   A good shallow young fellow: a' would have made a
   good pantler, a' would ha' chipp'd bread well.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   They say Poins has a good wit.

FALSTAFF

   He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his wit's as thick
   as Tewksbury mustard; there's no more conceit in him
   than is in a mallet.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Why does the prince love him so, then?

FALSTAFF

   Because their legs are both of a bigness, and a'
   plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel,
   and drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons, and
   rides the wild-mare with the boys, and jumps upon
   joined-stools, and swears with a good grace, and
   wears his boots very smooth, like unto the sign of
   the leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet
   stories; and such other gambol faculties a' has,
   that show a weak mind and an able body, for the
   which the prince admits him: for the prince himself
   is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the
   scales between their avoirdupois.

PRINCE HENRY

   Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?

POINS

   Let's beat him before his whore.

PRINCE HENRY

   Look, whether the withered elder hath not his poll
   clawed like a parrot.

POINS

   Is it not strange that desire should so many years
   outlive performance?

FALSTAFF

   Kiss me, Doll.

PRINCE HENRY

   Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! what
   says the almanac to that?

POINS

   And look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not
   lisping to his master's old tables, his note-book,
   his counsel-keeper.

FALSTAFF

   Thou dost give me flattering busses.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

FALSTAFF

   I am old, I am old.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young
   boy of them all.

FALSTAFF

   What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive
   money o' Thursday: shalt have a cap to-morrow. A
   merry song, come: it grows late; we'll to bed.
   Thou'lt forget me when I am gone.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   By my troth, thou'lt set me a-weeping, an thou
   sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome
   till thy return: well, harken at the end.

FALSTAFF

   Some sack, Francis.

PRINCE HENRY POINS

   Anon, anon, sir.
   Coming forward

FALSTAFF

   Ha! a bastard son of the king's? And art not thou
   Poins his brother?

PRINCE HENRY

   Why, thou globe of sinful continents! what a life
   dost thou lead!

FALSTAFF

   A better than thou: I am a gentleman; thou art a drawer.

PRINCE HENRY

   Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out by the ears.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   O, the Lord preserve thy good grace! by my troth,
   welcome to London. Now, the Lord bless that sweet
   face of thine! O, Jesu, are you come from Wales?

FALSTAFF

   Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light
   flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   How, you fat fool! I scorn you.

POINS

   My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and
   turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

PRINCE HENRY

   You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you
   speak of me even now before this honest, virtuous,
   civil gentlewoman!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   God's blessing of your good heart! and so she is,
   by my troth.

FALSTAFF

   Didst thou hear me?

PRINCE HENRY

   Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away
   by Gad's-hill: you knew I was at your back, and
   spoke it on purpose to try my patience.

FALSTAFF

   No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast within hearing.

PRINCE HENRY

   I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse;
   and then I know how to handle you.

FALSTAFF

   No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour, no abuse.

PRINCE HENRY

   Not to dispraise me, and call me pantier and
   bread-chipper and I know not what?

FALSTAFF

   No abuse, Hal.

POINS

   No abuse?

FALSTAFF

   No abuse, Ned, i' the world; honest Ned, none. I
   dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked
   might not fall in love with him; in which doing, I
   have done the part of a careful friend and a true
   subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it.
   No abuse, Hal: none, Ned, none: no, faith, boys, none.

PRINCE HENRY

   See now, whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth
   not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to
   close with us? is she of the wicked? is thine
   hostess here of the wicked? or is thy boy of the
   wicked? or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his
   nose, of the wicked?

POINS

   Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

FALSTAFF

   The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable;
   and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he
   doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy,
   there is a good angel about him; but the devil
   outbids him too.

PRINCE HENRY

   For the women?

FALSTAFF

   For one of them, she is in hell already, and burns
   poor souls. For the other, I owe her money, and
   whether she be damned for that, I know not.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   No, I warrant you.

FALSTAFF

   No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for
   that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee,
   for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house,
   contrary to the law; for the which I think thou wilt howl.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   All victuallers do so; what's a joint of mutton or
   two in a whole Lent?

PRINCE HENRY

   You, gentlewoman,-

DOLL TEARSHEET

   What says your grace?

FALSTAFF

   His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
   Knocking within

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Who knocks so loud at door? Look to the door there, Francis.
   Enter PETO

PRINCE HENRY

   Peto, how now! what news?

PETO

   The king your father is at Westminster:
   And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
   Come from the north: and, as I came along,
   I met and overtook a dozen captains,
   Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns,
   And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff.

PRINCE HENRY

   By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame,
   So idly to profane the precious time,
   When tempest of commotion, like the south
   Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
   And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.
   Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night.
   Exeunt PRINCE HENRY, POINS, PETO and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

   Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and
   we must hence and leave it unpicked.
   Knocking within
   More knocking at the door!
   Re-enter BARDOLPH
   How now! what's the matter?

BARDOLPH

   You must away to court, sir, presently;
   A dozen captains stay at door for you.

FALSTAFF

   [To the Page] Pay the musicians, sirrah. Farewell,
   hostess; farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches,
   how men of merit are sought after: the undeserver
   may sleep, when the man of action is called on.
   Farewell good wenches: if I be not sent away post,
   I will see you again ere I go.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   I cannot speak; if my heart be not read to burst,--
   well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

FALSTAFF

   Farewell, farewell.
   Exeunt FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Well, fare thee well: I have known thee these
   twenty-nine years, come peascod-time; but an
   honester and truer-hearted man,--well, fare thee well.

BARDOLPH

   [Within] Mistress Tearsheet!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   What's the matter?

BARDOLPH

   [Within] Good Mistress Tearsheet, come to my master.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll: come.
   She comes blubbered
   Yea, will you come, Doll?
   Exeunt

ACT III SCENE I. Westminster. The palace.

   Enter KING HENRY IV in his nightgown, with a Page 

KING HENRY IV

   Go call the Earls of Surrey and of Warwick;
   But, ere they come, bid them o'er-read these letters,
   And well consider of them; make good speed.
   Exit Page
   How many thousand of my poorest subjects
   Are at this hour asleep! O sleep, O gentle sleep,
   Nature's soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
   That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
   And steep my senses in forgetfulness?
   Why rather, sleep, liest thou in smoky cribs,
   Upon uneasy pallets stretching thee
   And hush'd with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber,
   Than in the perfumed chambers of the great,
   Under the canopies of costly state,
   And lull'd with sound of sweetest melody?
   O thou dull god, why liest thou with the vile
   In loathsome beds, and leavest the kingly couch
   A watch-case or a common 'larum-bell?
   Wilt thou upon the high and giddy mast
   Seal up the ship-boy's eyes, and rock his brains
   In cradle of the rude imperious surge
   And in the visitation of the winds,
   Who take the ruffian billows by the top,
   Curling their monstrous heads and hanging them
   With deafening clamour in the slippery clouds,
   That, with the hurly, death itself awakes?
   Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose
   To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude,
   And in the calmest and most stillest night,
   With all appliances and means to boot,
   Deny it to a king? Then happy low, lie down!
   Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
   Enter WARWICK and SURREY

WARWICK

   Many good morrows to your majesty!

KING HENRY IV

   Is it good morrow, lords?

WARWICK

   'Tis one o'clock, and past.

KING HENRY IV

   Why, then, good morrow to you all, my lords.
   Have you read o'er the letters that I sent you?

WARWICK

   We have, my liege.

KING HENRY IV

   Then you perceive the body of our kingdom
   How foul it is; what rank diseases grow
   And with what danger, near the heart of it.

WARWICK

   It is but as a body yet distemper'd;
   Which to his former strength may be restored
   With good advice and little medicine:
   My Lord Northumberland will soon be cool'd.

KING HENRY IV

   O God! that one might read the book of fate,
   And see the revolution of the times
   Make mountains level, and the continent,
   Weary of solid firmness, melt itself
   Into the sea! and, other times, to see
   The beachy girdle of the ocean
   Too wide for Neptune's hips; how chances mock,
   And changes fill the cup of alteration
   With divers liquors! O, if this were seen,
   The happiest youth, viewing his progress through,
   What perils past, what crosses to ensue,
   Would shut the book, and sit him down and die.
   'Tis not 'ten years gone
   Since Richard and Northumberland, great friends,
   Did feast together, and in two years after
   Were they at wars: it is but eight years since
   This Percy was the man nearest my soul,
   Who like a brother toil'd in my affairs
   And laid his love and life under my foot,
   Yea, for my sake, even to the eyes of Richard
   Gave him defiance. But which of you was by--
   You, cousin Nevil, as I may remember--
   To WARWICK
   When Richard, with his eye brimful of tears,
   Then cheque'd and rated by Northumberland,
   Did speak these words, now proved a prophecy?
   'Northumberland, thou ladder by the which
   My cousin Bolingbroke ascends my throne;'
   Though then, God knows, I had no such intent,
   But that necessity so bow'd the state
   That I and greatness were compell'd to kiss:
   'The time shall come,' thus did he follow it,
   'The time will come, that foul sin, gathering head,
   Shall break into corruption:' so went on,
   Foretelling this same time's condition
   And the division of our amity.

WARWICK

   There is a history in all men's lives,
   Figuring the nature of the times deceased;
   The which observed, a man may prophesy,
   With a near aim, of the main chance of things
   As yet not come to life, which in their seeds
   And weak beginnings lie intreasured.
   Such things become the hatch and brood of time;
   And by the necessary form of this
   King Richard might create a perfect guess
   That great Northumberland, then false to him,
   Would of that seed grow to a greater falseness;
   Which should not find a ground to root upon,
   Unless on you.

KING HENRY IV

   Are these things then necessities?
   Then let us meet them like necessities:
   And that same word even now cries out on us:
   They say the bishop and Northumberland
   Are fifty thousand strong.

WARWICK

   It cannot be, my lord;
   Rumour doth double, like the voice and echo,
   The numbers of the fear'd. Please it your grace
   To go to bed. Upon my soul, my lord,
   The powers that you already have sent forth
   Shall bring this prize in very easily.
   To comfort you the more, I have received
   A certain instance that Glendower is dead.
   Your majesty hath been this fortnight ill,
   And these unseason'd hours perforce must add
   Unto your sickness.

KING HENRY IV

   I will take your counsel:
   And were these inward wars once out of hand,
   We would, dear lords, unto the Holy Land.
   Exeunt

SCENE II. Gloucestershire. Before SHALLOW'S house.

   Enter SHALLOW and SILENCE, meeting; MOULDY, SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, BULLCALF, a Servant or two with them 

SHALLOW

   Come on, come on, come on, sir; give me your hand,
   sir, give me your hand, sir: an early stirrer, by
   the rood! And how doth my good cousin Silence?

SILENCE

   Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.

SHALLOW

   And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? and your
   fairest daughter and mine, my god-daughter Ellen?

SILENCE

   Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow!

SHALLOW

   By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my cousin William is
   become a good scholar: he is at Oxford still, is he not?

SILENCE

   Indeed, sir, to my cost.

SHALLOW

   A' must, then, to the inns o' court shortly. I was
   once of Clement's Inn, where I think they will
   talk of mad Shallow yet.

SILENCE

   You were called 'lusty Shallow' then, cousin.

SHALLOW

   By the mass, I was called any thing; and I would
   have done any thing indeed too, and roundly too.
   There was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire,
   and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and
   Will Squele, a Cotswold man; you had not four such
   swinge-bucklers in all the inns o' court again: and
   I may say to you, we knew where the bona-robas were
   and had the best of them all at commandment. Then
   was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page to
   Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.

SILENCE

   This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers?

SHALLOW

   The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break
   Skogan's head at the court-gate, when a' was a
   crack not thus high: and the very same day did I
   fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer,
   behind Gray's Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that I
   have spent! and to see how many of my old
   acquaintance are dead!

SILENCE

   We shall all follow, cousin.

SHADOW

   Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure: death,
   as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall
   die. How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?

SILENCE

   By my troth, I was not there.

SHALLOW

   Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living
   yet?

SILENCE

   Dead, sir.

SHALLOW

   Jesu, Jesu, dead! a' drew a good bow; and dead! a'
   shot a fine shoot: John a Gaunt loved him well, and
   betted much money on his head. Dead! a' would have
   clapped i' the clout at twelve score; and carried
   you a forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a
   half, that it would have done a man's heart good to
   see. How a score of ewes now?

SILENCE

   Thereafter as they be: a score of good ewes may be
   worth ten pounds.

SHALLOW

   And is old Double dead?

SILENCE

   Here come two of Sir John Falstaff's men, as I think.
   Enter BARDOLPH and one with him

BARDOLPH

   Good morrow, honest gentlemen: I beseech you, which
   is Justice Shallow?

SHALLOW

   I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of this
   county, and one of the king's justices of th e peace:
   What is your good pleasure with me?

BARDOLPH

   My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain,
   Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and
   a most gallant leader.

SHALLOW

   He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword
   man. How doth the good knight? may I ask how my
   lady his wife doth?

BARDOLPH

   Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated than
   with a wife.

SHALLOW

   It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said
   indeed too. Better accommodated! it is good; yea,
   indeed, is it: good phrases are surely, and ever
   were, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes of
   'accommodo' very good; a good phrase.

BARDOLPH

   Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word. Phrase call
   you it? by this good day, I know not the phrase;
   but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a
   soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good
   command, by heaven. Accommodated; that is, when a
   man is, as they say, accommodated; or when a man is,
   being, whereby a' may be thought to be accommodated;
   which is an excellent thing.

SHALLOW

   It is very just.
   Enter FALSTAFF
   Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good
   hand, give me your worship's good hand: by my
   troth, you like well and bear your years very well:
   welcome, good Sir John.

FALSTAFF

   I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert
   Shallow: Master Surecard, as I think?

SHALLOW

   No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence, in commission with me.

FALSTAFF

   Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of
   the peace.

SILENCE

   Your good-worship is welcome.

FALSTAFF

   Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you
   provided me here half a dozen sufficient men?

SHALLOW

   Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?

FALSTAFF

   Let me see them, I beseech you.

SHALLOW

   Where's the roll? where's the roll? where's the
   roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so:
   yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear as
   I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let me
   see; where is Mouldy?

MOULDY

   Here, an't please you.

SHALLOW

   What think you, Sir John? a good-limbed fellow;
   young, strong, and of good friends.

FALSTAFF

   Is thy name Mouldy?

MOULDY

   Yea, an't please you.

FALSTAFF

   'Tis the more time thou wert used.

SHALLOW

   Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! Things that
   are mouldy lack use: very singular good! in faith,
   well said, Sir John, very well said.

FALSTAFF

   Prick him.

MOULDY

   I was pricked well enough before, an you could have
   let me alone: my old dame will be undone now for
   one to do her husbandry and her drudgery: you need
   not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter
   to go out than I.

FALSTAFF

   Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is
   time you were spent.

MOULDY

   Spent!

SHALLOW

   Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: know you where
   you are? For the other, Sir John: let me see:
   Simon Shadow!

FALSTAFF

   Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he's like
   to be a cold soldier.

SHALLOW

   Where's Shadow?

SHADOW

   Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

   Shadow, whose son art thou?

SHADOW

   My mother's son, sir.

FALSTAFF

   Thy mother's son! like enough, and thy father's
   shadow: so the son of the female is the shadow of
   the male: it is often so, indeed; but much of the
   father's substance!

SHALLOW

   Do you like him, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

   Shadow will serve for summer; prick him, for we have
   a number of shadows to fill up the muster-book.

SHALLOW

   Thomas Wart!

FALSTAFF

   Where's he?

WART

   Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

   Is thy name Wart?

WART

   Yea, sir.

FALSTAFF

   Thou art a very ragged wart.

SHALLOW

   Shall I prick him down, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

   It were superfluous; for his apparel is built upon
   his back and the whole frame stands upon pins:
   prick him no more.

SHALLOW

   Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it: I
   commend you well. Francis Feeble!

FEEBLE

   Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

   What trade art thou, Feeble?

FEEBLE

   A woman's tailor, sir.

SHALLOW

   Shall I prick him, sir?

FALSTAFF

   You may: but if he had been a man's tailor, he'ld
   ha' pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in
   an enemy's battle as thou hast done in a woman's petticoat?

FEEBLE

   I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.

FALSTAFF

   Well said, good woman's tailor! well said,
   courageous Feeble! thou wilt be as valiant as the
   wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the
   woman's tailor: well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow.

FEEBLE

   I would Wart might have gone, sir.

FALSTAFF

   I would thou wert a man's tailor, that thou mightst
   mend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him
   to a private soldier that is the leader of so many
   thousands: let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.

FEEBLE

   It shall suffice, sir.

FALSTAFF

   I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?

SHALLOW

   Peter Bullcalf o' the green!

FALSTAFF

   Yea, marry, let's see Bullcalf.

BULLCALF

   Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

   'Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf
   till he roar again.

BULLCALF

   O Lord! good my lord captain,--

FALSTAFF

   What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?

BULLCALF

   O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.

FALSTAFF

   What disease hast thou?

BULLCALF

   A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught
   with ringing in the king's affairs upon his
   coronation-day, sir.

FALSTAFF

   Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we wilt
   have away thy cold; and I will take such order that
   my friends shall ring for thee. Is here all?

SHALLOW

   Here is two more called than your number, you must
   have but four here, sir: and so, I pray you, go in
   with me to dinner.

FALSTAFF

   Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry
   dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

   O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night
   in the windmill in Saint George's field?

FALSTAFF

   No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.

SHALLOW

   Ha! 'twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive?

FALSTAFF

   She lives, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

   She never could away with me.

FALSTAFF

   Never, never; she would always say she could not
   abide Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

   By the mass, I could anger her to the heart. She
   was then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?

FALSTAFF

   Old, old, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

   Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old;
   certain she's old; and had Robin Nightwork by old
   Nightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.

SILENCE

   That's fifty-five year ago.

SHALLOW

   Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that
   this knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?

FALSTAFF

   We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

   That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith,
   Sir John, we have: our watch-word was 'Hem boys!'
   Come, let's to dinner; come, let's to dinner:
   Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come.
   Exeunt FALSTAFF and Justices

BULLCALF

   Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend;
   and here's four Harry ten shillings in French crowns
   for you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief be
   hanged, sir, as go: and yet, for mine own part, sir,
   I do not care; but rather, because I am unwilling,
   and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with
   my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own
   part, so much.

BARDOLPH

   Go to; stand aside.

MOULDY

   And, good master corporal captain, for my old
   dame's sake, stand my friend: she has nobody to do
   any thing about her when I am gone; and she is old,
   and cannot help herself: You shall have forty, sir.

BARDOLPH

   Go to; stand aside.

FEEBLE

   By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once: we
   owe God a death: I'll ne'er bear a base mind:
   an't be my destiny, so; an't be not, so: no man is
   too good to serve's prince; and let it go which way
   it will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.

BARDOLPH

   Well said; thou'rt a good fellow.

FEEBLE

   Faith, I'll bear no base mind.
   Re-enter FALSTAFF and the Justices

FALSTAFF

   Come, sir, which men shall I have?

SHALLOW

   Four of which you please.

BARDOLPH

   Sir, a word with you: I have three pound to free
   Mouldy and Bullcalf.

FALSTAFF

   Go to; well.

SHALLOW

   Come, Sir John, which four will you have?

FALSTAFF

   Do you choose for me.

SHALLOW

   Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble and Shadow.

FALSTAFF

   Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at home
   till you are past service: and for your part,
   Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it: I will none of you.

SHALLOW

   Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong: they are
   your likeliest men, and I would have you served with the best.

FALSTAFF

   Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a
   man? Care I for the limb, the thewes, the stature,
   bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the
   spirit, Master Shallow. Here's Wart; you see what a
   ragged appearance it is; a' shall charge you and
   discharge you with the motion of a pewterer's
   hammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbets
   on the brewer's bucket. And this same half-faced
   fellow, Shadow; give me this man: he presents no
   mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aim
   level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat;
   how swiftly will this Feeble the woman's tailor run
   off! O, give me the spare men, and spare me the
   great ones. Put me a caliver into Wart's hand, Bardolph.

BARDOLPH

   Hold, Wart, traverse; thus, thus, thus.

FALSTAFF

   Come, manage me your caliver. So: very well: go
   to: very good, exceeding good. O, give me always a
   little, lean, old, chapt, bald shot. Well said, i'
   faith, Wart; thou'rt a good scab: hold, there's a
   tester for thee.

SHALLOW

   He is not his craft's master; he doth not do it
   right. I remember at Mile-end Green, when I lay at
   Clement's Inn--I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur's
   show,--there was a little quiver fellow, and a'
   would manage you his piece thus; and a' would about
   and about, and come you in and come you in: 'rah,
   tah, tah,' would a' say; 'bounce' would a' say; and
   away again would a' go, and again would a' come: I
   shall ne'er see such a fellow.

FALSTAFF

   These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. God
   keep you, Master Silence: I will not use many words
   with you. Fare you well, gentlemen both: I thank
   you: I must a dozen mile to-night. Bardolph, give
   the soldiers coats.

SHALLOW

   Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper your
   affairs! God send us peace! At your return visit
   our house; let our old acquaintance be renewed;
   peradventure I will with ye to the court.

FALSTAFF

   'Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

   Go to; I have spoke at a word. God keep you.

FALSTAFF

   Fare you well, gentle gentlemen.
   Exeunt Justices
   On, Bardolph; lead the men away.
   Exeunt BARDOLPH, Recruits, & c
   As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I do
   see the bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, how
   subject we old men are to this vice of lying! This
   same starved justice hath done nothing but prate to
   me of the wildness of his youth, and the feats he
   hath done about Turnbull Street: and every third
   word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk's
   tribute. I do remember him at Clement's Inn like a
   man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a'
   was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked
   radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it
   with a knife: a' was so forlorn, that his
   dimensions to any thick sight were invincible: a'
   was the very genius of famine; yet lecherous as a
   monkey, and the whores called him mandrake: a' came
   ever in the rearward of the fashion, and sung those
   tunes to the overscutched huswives that he heard the
   carmen whistle, and swear they were his fancies or
   his good-nights. And now is this Vice's dagger
   become a squire, and talks as familiarly of John a
   Gaunt as if he had been sworn brother to him; and
   I'll be sworn a' ne'er saw him but once in the
   Tilt-yard; and then he burst his head for crowding
   among the marshal's men. I saw it, and told John a
   Gaunt he beat his own name; for you might have
   thrust him and all his apparel into an eel-skin; the
   case of a treble hautboy was a mansion for him, a
   court: and now has he land and beefs. Well, I'll
   be acquainted with him, if I return; and it shall
   go hard but I will make him a philosopher's two
   stones to me: if the young dace be a bait for the
   old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I
   may snap at him. Let time shape, and there an end.
   Exit

ACT IV SCENE I. Yorkshire. Gaultree Forest.

   Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, MOWBRAY, LORD HASTINGS, and others 

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   What is this forest call'd?

HASTINGS

   'Tis Gaultree Forest, an't shall please your grace.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Here stand, my lords; and send discoverers forth
   To know the numbers of our enemies.

HASTINGS

   We have sent forth already.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   'Tis well done.
   My friends and brethren in these great affairs,
   I must acquaint you that I have received
   New-dated letters from Northumberland;
   Their cold intent, tenor and substance, thus:
   Here doth he wish his person, with such powers
   As might hold sortance with his quality,
   The which he could not levy; whereupon
   He is retired, to ripe his growing fortunes,
   To Scotland: and concludes in hearty prayers
   That your attempts may overlive the hazard
   And fearful melting of their opposite.

MOWBRAY

   Thus do the hopes we have in him touch ground
   And dash themselves to pieces.
   Enter a Messenger

HASTINGS

   Now, what news?

Messenger

   West of this forest, scarcely off a mile,
   In goodly form comes on the enemy;
   And, by the ground they hide, I judge their number
   Upon or near the rate of thirty thousand.

MOWBRAY

   The just proportion that we gave them out
   Let us sway on and face them in the field.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   What well-appointed leader fronts us here?
   Enter WESTMORELAND

MOWBRAY

   I think it is my Lord of Westmoreland.

WESTMORELAND

   Health and fair greeting from our general,
   The prince, Lord John and Duke of Lancaster.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Say on, my Lord of Westmoreland, in peace:
   What doth concern your coming?

WESTMORELAND

   Then, my lord,
   Unto your grace do I in chief address
   The substance of my speech. If that rebellion
   Came like itself, in base and abject routs,
   Led on by bloody youth, guarded with rags,
   And countenanced by boys and beggary,
   I say, if damn'd commotion so appear'd,
   In his true, native and most proper shape,
   You, reverend father, and these noble lords
   Had not been here, to dress the ugly form
   Of base and bloody insurrection
   With your fair honours. You, lord archbishop,
   Whose see is by a civil peace maintained,
   Whose beard the silver hand of peace hath touch'd,
   Whose learning and good letters peace hath tutor'd,
   Whose white investments figure innocence,
   The dove and very blessed spirit of peace,
   Wherefore do you so ill translate ourself
   Out of the speech of peace that bears such grace,
   Into the harsh and boisterous tongue of war;
   Turning your books to graves, your ink to blood,
   Your pens to lances and your tongue divine
   To a trumpet and a point of war?

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Wherefore do I this? so the question stands.
   Briefly to this end: we are all diseased,
   And with our surfeiting and wanton hours
   Have brought ourselves into a burning fever,
   And we must bleed for it; of which disease
   Our late king, Richard, being infected, died.
   But, my most noble Lord of Westmoreland,
   I take not on me here as a physician,
   Nor do I as an enemy to peace
   Troop in the throngs of military men;
   But rather show awhile like fearful war,
   To diet rank minds sick of happiness
   And purge the obstructions which begin to stop
   Our very veins of life. Hear me more plainly.
   I have in equal balance justly weigh'd
   What wrongs our arms may do, what wrongs we suffer,
   And find our griefs heavier than our offences.
   We see which way the stream of time doth run,
   And are enforced from our most quiet there
   By the rough torrent of occasion;
   And have the summary of all our griefs,
   When time shall serve, to show in articles;
   Which long ere this we offer'd to the king,
   And might by no suit gain our audience:
   When we are wrong'd and would unfold our griefs,
   We are denied access unto his person
   Even by those men that most have done us wrong.
   The dangers of the days but newly gone,
   Whose memory is written on the earth
   With yet appearing blood, and the examples
   Of every minute's instance, present now,
   Hath put us in these ill-beseeming arms,
   Not to break peace or any branch of it,
   But to establish here a peace indeed,
   Concurring both in name and quality.

WESTMORELAND

   When ever yet was your appeal denied?
   Wherein have you been galled by the king?
   What peer hath been suborn'd to grate on you,
   That you should seal this lawless bloody book
   Of forged rebellion with a seal divine
   And consecrate commotion's bitter edge?

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   My brother general, the commonwealth,
   To brother born an household cruelty,
   I make my quarrel in particular.

WESTMORELAND

   There is no need of any such redress;
   Or if there were, it not belongs to you.

MOWBRAY

   Why not to him in part, and to us all
   That feel the bruises of the days before,
   And suffer the condition of these times
   To lay a heavy and unequal hand
   Upon our honours?

WESTMORELAND

   O, my good Lord Mowbray,
   Construe the times to their necessities,
   And you shall say indeed, it is the time,
   And not the king, that doth you injuries.
   Yet for your part, it not appears to me
   Either from the king or in the present time
   That you should have an inch of any ground
   To build a grief on: were you not restored
   To all the Duke of Norfolk's signories,
   Your noble and right well remember'd father's?

MOWBRAY

   What thing, in honour, had my father lost,
   That need to be revived and breathed in me?
   The king that loved him, as the state stood then,
   Was force perforce compell'd to banish him:
   And then that Harry Bolingbroke and he,
   Being mounted and both roused in their seats,
   Their neighing coursers daring of the spur,
   Their armed staves in charge, their beavers down,
   Their eyes of fire sparking through sights of steel
   And the loud trumpet blowing them together,
   Then, then, when there was nothing could have stay'd
   My father from the breast of Bolingbroke,
   O when the king did throw his warder down,
   His own life hung upon the staff he threw;
   Then threw he down himself and all their lives
   That by indictment and by dint of sword
   Have since miscarried under Bolingbroke.

WESTMORELAND

   You speak, Lord Mowbray, now you know not what.
   The Earl of Hereford was reputed then
   In England the most valiant gentlemen:
   Who knows on whom fortune would then have smiled?
   But if your father had been victor there,
   He ne'er had borne it out of Coventry:
   For all the country in a general voice
   Cried hate upon him; and all their prayers and love
   Were set on Hereford, whom they doted on
   And bless'd and graced indeed, more than the king.
   But this is mere digression from my purpose.
   Here come I from our princely general
   To know your griefs; to tell you from his grace
   That he will give you audience; and wherein
   It shall appear that your demands are just,
   You shall enjoy them, every thing set off
   That might so much as think you enemies.

MOWBRAY

   But he hath forced us to compel this offer;
   And it proceeds from policy, not love.

WESTMORELAND

   Mowbray, you overween to take it so;
   This offer comes from mercy, not from fear:
   For, lo! within a ken our army lies,
   Upon mine honour, all too confident
   To give admittance to a thought of fear.
   Our battle is more full of names than yours,
   Our men more perfect in the use of arms,
   Our armour all as strong, our cause the best;
   Then reason will our heart should be as good
   Say you not then our offer is compell'd.

MOWBRAY

   Well, by my will we shall admit no parley.

WESTMORELAND

   That argues but the shame of your offence:
   A rotten case abides no handling.

HASTINGS

   Hath the Prince John a full commission,
   In very ample virtue of his father,
   To hear and absolutely to determine
   Of what conditions we shall stand upon?

WESTMORELAND

   That is intended in the general's name:
   I muse you make so slight a question.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Then take, my Lord of Westmoreland, this schedule,
   For this contains our general grievances:
   Each several article herein redress'd,
   All members of our cause, both here and hence,
   That are insinew'd to this action,
   Acquitted by a true substantial form
   And present execution of our wills
   To us and to our purposes confined,
   We come within our awful banks again
   And knit our powers to the arm of peace.

WESTMORELAND

   This will I show the general. Please you, lords,
   In sight of both our battles we may meet;
   And either end in peace, which God so frame!
   Or to the place of difference call the swords
   Which must decide it.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   My lord, we will do so.
   Exit WESTMORELAND

MOWBRAY

   There is a thing within my bosom tells me
   That no conditions of our peace can stand.

HASTINGS

   Fear you not that: if we can make our peace
   Upon such large terms and so absolute
   As our conditions shall consist upon,
   Our peace shall stand as firm as rocky mountains.

MOWBRAY

   Yea, but our valuation shall be such
   That every slight and false-derived cause,
   Yea, every idle, nice and wanton reason
   Shall to the king taste of this action;
   That, were our royal faiths martyrs in love,
   We shall be winnow'd with so rough a wind
   That even our corn shall seem as light as chaff
   And good from bad find no partition.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   No, no, my lord. Note this; the king is weary
   Of dainty and such picking grievances:
   For he hath found to end one doubt by death
   Revives two greater in the heirs of life,
   And therefore will he wipe his tables clean
   And keep no tell-tale to his memory
   That may repeat and history his loss
   To new remembrance; for full well he knows
   He cannot so precisely weed this land
   As his misdoubts present occasion:
   His foes are so enrooted with his friends
   That, plucking to unfix an enemy,
   He doth unfasten so and shake a friend:
   So that this land, like an offensive wife
   That hath enraged him on to offer strokes,
   As he is striking, holds his infant up
   And hangs resolved correction in the arm
   That was uprear'd to execution.

HASTINGS

   Besides, the king hath wasted all his rods
   On late offenders, that he now doth lack
   The very instruments of chastisement:
   So that his power, like to a fangless lion,
   May offer, but not hold.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   'Tis very true:
   And therefore be assured, my good lord marshal,
   If we do now make our atonement well,
   Our peace will, like a broken limb united,
   Grow stronger for the breaking.

MOWBRAY

   Be it so.
   Here is return'd my Lord of Westmoreland.
   Re-enter WESTMORELAND

WESTMORELAND

   The prince is here at hand: pleaseth your lordship
   To meet his grace just distance 'tween our armies.

MOWBRAY

   Your grace of York, in God's name then, set forward.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Before, and greet his grace: my lord, we come.
   Exeunt

SCENE II. Another part of the forest.

   Enter, from one side, MOWBRAY, attended; afterwards the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, HASTINGS, and others: from the other side, Prince John of LANCASTER, and WESTMORELAND; Officers, and others with them 

LANCASTER

   You are well encounter'd here, my cousin Mowbray:
   Good day to you, gentle lord archbishop;
   And so to you, Lord Hastings, and to all.
   My Lord of York, it better show'd with you
   When that your flock, assembled by the bell,
   Encircled you to hear with reverence
   Your exposition on the holy text
   Than now to see you here an iron man,
   Cheering a rout of rebels with your drum,
   Turning the word to sword and life to death.
   That man that sits within a monarch's heart,
   And ripens in the sunshine of his favour,
   Would he abuse the countenance of the king,
   Alack, what mischiefs might he set abrooch
   In shadow of such greatness! With you, lord bishop,
   It is even so. Who hath not heard it spoken
   How deep you were within the books of God?
   To us the speaker in his parliament;
   To us the imagined voice of God himself;
   The very opener and intelligencer
   Between the grace, the sanctities of heaven
   And our dull workings. O, who shall believe
   But you misuse the reverence of your place,
   Employ the countenance and grace of heaven,
   As a false favourite doth his prince's name,
   In deeds dishonourable? You have ta'en up,
   Under the counterfeited zeal of God,
   The subjects of his substitute, my father,
   And both against the peace of heaven and him
   Have here up-swarm'd them.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Good my Lord of Lancaster,
   I am not here against your father's peace;
   But, as I told my lord of Westmoreland,
   The time misorder'd doth, in common sense,
   Crowd us and crush us to this monstrous form,
   To hold our safety up. I sent your grace
   The parcels and particulars of our grief,
   The which hath been with scorn shoved from the court,
   Whereon this Hydra son of war is born;
   Whose dangerous eyes may well be charm'd asleep
   With grant of our most just and right desires,
   And true obedience, of this madness cured,
   Stoop tamely to the foot of majesty.

MOWBRAY

   If not, we ready are to try our fortunes
   To the last man.

HASTINGS

   And though we here fall down,
   We have supplies to second our attempt:
   If they miscarry, theirs shall second them;
   And so success of mischief shall be born
   And heir from heir shall hold this quarrel up
   Whiles England shall have generation.

LANCASTER

   You are too shallow, Hastings, much too shallow,
   To sound the bottom of the after-times.

WESTMORELAND

   Pleaseth your grace to answer them directly
   How far forth you do like their articles.

LANCASTER

   I like them all, and do allow them well,
   And swear here, by the honour of my blood,
   My father's purposes have been mistook,
   And some about him have too lavishly
   Wrested his meaning and authority.
   My lord, these griefs shall be with speed redress'd;
   Upon my soul, they shall. If this may please you,
   Discharge your powers unto their several counties,
   As we will ours: and here between the armies
   Let's drink together friendly and embrace,
   That all their eyes may bear those tokens home
   Of our restored love and amity.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   I take your princely word for these redresses.

LANCASTER

   I give it you, and will maintain my word:
   And thereupon I drink unto your grace.

HASTINGS

   Go, captain, and deliver to the army
   This news of peace: let them have pay, and part:
   I know it will well please them. Hie thee, captain.
   Exit Officer

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   To you, my noble Lord of Westmoreland.

WESTMORELAND

   I pledge your grace; and, if you knew what pains
   I have bestow'd to breed this present peace,
   You would drink freely: but my love to ye
   Shall show itself more openly hereafter.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   I do not doubt you.

WESTMORELAND

   I am glad of it.
   Health to my lord and gentle cousin, Mowbray.

MOWBRAY

   You wish me health in very happy season;
   For I am, on the sudden, something ill.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Against ill chances men are ever merry;
   But heaviness foreruns the good event.

WESTMORELAND

   Therefore be merry, coz; since sudden sorrow
   Serves to say thus, 'some good thing comes
   to-morrow.'

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Believe me, I am passing light in spirit.

MOWBRAY

   So much the worse, if your own rule be true.
   Shouts within

LANCASTER

   The word of peace is render'd: hark, how they shout!

MOWBRAY

   This had been cheerful after victory.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   A peace is of the nature of a conquest;
   For then both parties nobly are subdued,
   And neither party loser.

LANCASTER

   Go, my lord,
   And let our army be discharged too.
   Exit WESTMORELAND
   And, good my lord, so please you, let our trains
   March, by us, that we may peruse the men
   We should have coped withal.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Go, good Lord Hastings,
   And, ere they be dismissed, let them march by.
   Exit HASTINGS

LANCASTER

   I trust, lords, we shall lie to-night together.
   Re-enter WESTMORELAND
   Now, cousin, wherefore stands our army still?

WESTMORELAND

   The leaders, having charge from you to stand,
   Will not go off until they hear you speak.

LANCASTER

   They know their duties.
   Re-enter HASTINGS

HASTINGS

   My lord, our army is dispersed already;
   Like youthful steers unyoked, they take their courses
   East, west, north, south; or, like a school broke up,
   Each hurries toward his home and sporting-place.

WESTMORELAND

   Good tidings, my Lord Hastings; for the which
   I do arrest thee, traitor, of high treason:
   And you, lord archbishop, and you, Lord Mowbray,
   Of capitol treason I attach you both.

MOWBRAY

   Is this proceeding just and honourable?

WESTMORELAND

   Is your assembly so?

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

   Will you thus break your faith?

LANCASTER

   I pawn'd thee none:
   I promised you redress of these same grievances
   Whereof you did complain; which, by mine honour,
   I will perform with a most Christian care.
   But for you, rebels, look to taste the due
   Meet for rebellion and such acts as yours.
   Most shallowly did you these arms commence,
   Fondly brought here and foolishly sent hence.
   Strike up our drums, pursue the scatter'd stray:
   God, and not we, hath safely fought to-day.
   Some guard these traitors to the block of death,
   Treason's true bed and yielder up of breath.
   Exeunt

SCENE III. Another part of the forest.

   Alarum. Excursions. Enter FALSTAFF and COLEVILE, meeting 

FALSTAFF

   What's your name, sir? of what condition are you,
   and of what place, I pray?

COLEVILE

   I am a knight, sir, and my name is Colevile of the dale.

FALSTAFF

   Well, then, Colevile is your name, a knight is your
   degree, and your place the dale: Colevile shall be
   still your name, a traitor your degree, and the
   dungeon your place, a place deep enough; so shall
   you be still Colevile of the dale.

COLEVILE

   Are not you Sir John Falstaff?

FALSTAFF

   As good a man as he, sir, whoe'er I am. Do ye
   yield, sir? or shall I sweat for you? if I do
   sweat, they are the drops of thy lovers, and they
   weep for thy death: therefore rouse up fear and
   trembling, and do observance to my mercy.

COLEVILE

   I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and in that
   thought yield me.

FALSTAFF

   I have a whole school of tongues in this belly of
   mine, and not a tongue of them all speaks any other
   word but my name. An I had but a belly of any
   indifference, I were simply the most active fellow
   in Europe: my womb, my womb, my womb, undoes me.
   Here comes our general.
   Enter PRINCE JOHN OF LANCASTER, WESTMORELAND, BLUNT, and others

LANCASTER

   The heat is past; follow no further now:
   Call in the powers, good cousin Westmoreland.
   Exit WESTMORELAND
   Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this while?
   When every thing is ended, then you come:
   These tardy tricks of yours will, on my life,
   One time or other break some gallows' back.

FALSTAFF

   I would be sorry, my lord, but it should be thus: I
   never knew yet but rebuke and cheque was the reward
   of valour. Do you think me a swallow, an arrow, or a
   bullet? have I, in my poor and old motion, the
   expedition of thought? I have speeded hither with
   the very extremest inch of possibility; I have
   foundered nine score and odd posts: and here,
   travel-tainted as I am, have in my pure and
   immaculate valour, taken Sir John Colevile of the
   dale, a most furious knight and valorous enemy.
   But what of that? he saw me, and yielded; that I
   may justly say, with the hook-nosed fellow of Rome,
   'I came, saw, and overcame.'

LANCASTER

   It was more of his courtesy than your deserving.

FALSTAFF

   I know not: here he is, and here I yield him: and
   I beseech your grace, let it be booked with the
   rest of this day's deeds; or, by the Lord, I will
   have it in a particular ballad else, with mine own
   picture on the top on't, Colevile kissing my foot:
   to the which course if I be enforced, if you do not
   all show like gilt twopences to me, and I in the
   clear sky of fame o'ershine you as much as the full
   moon doth the cinders of the element, which show
   like pins' heads to her, believe not the word of
   the noble: therefore let me have right, and let
   desert mount.

LANCASTER

   Thine's too heavy to mount.

FALSTAFF

   Let it shine, then.

LANCASTER

   Thine's too thick to shine.

FALSTAFF

   Let it do something, my good lord, that may do me
   good, and call it what you will.

LANCASTER

   Is thy name Colevile?

COLEVILE

   It is, my lord.

LANCASTER

   A famous rebel art thou, Colevile.

FALSTAFF

   And a famous true subject took him.

COLEVILE

   I am, my lord, but as my betters are
   That led me hither: had they been ruled by me,
   You should have won them dearer than you have.

FALSTAFF

   I know not how they sold themselves: but thou, like
   a kind fellow, gavest thyself away gratis; and I
   thank thee for thee.
   Re-enter WESTMORELAND

LANCASTER

   Now, have you left pursuit?

WESTMORELAND

   Retreat is made and execution stay'd.

LANCASTER

   Send Colevile with his confederates
   To York, to present execution:
   Blunt, lead him hence; and see you guard him sure.
   Exeunt BLUNT and others with COLEVILE
   And now dispatch we toward the court, my lords:
   I hear the king my father is sore sick:
   Our news shall go before us to his majesty,
   Which, cousin, you shall bear to comfort him,
   And we with sober speed will follow you.

FALSTAFF

   My lord, I beseech you, give me leave to go
   Through Gloucestershire: and, when you come to court,
   Stand my good lord, pray, in your good report.

LANCASTER

   Fare you well, Falstaff: I, in my condition,
   Shall better speak of you than you deserve.
   Exeunt all but Falstaff

FALSTAFF

   I would you had but the wit: 'twere better than
   your dukedom. Good faith, this same young sober-
   blooded boy doth not love me; nor a man cannot make
   him laugh; but that's no marvel, he drinks no wine.
   There's never none of these demure boys come to any
   proof; for thin drink doth so over-cool their blood,
   and making many fish-meals, that they fall into a
   kind of male green-sickness; and then when they
   marry, they get wenches: they are generally fools
   and cowards; which some of us should be too, but for
   inflammation. A good sherris sack hath a two-fold
   operation in it. It ascends me into the brain;
   dries me there all the foolish and dull and curdy
   vapours which environ it; makes it apprehensive,
   quick, forgetive, full of nimble fiery and
   delectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to the
   voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes
   excellent wit. The second property of your
   excellent sherris is, the warming of the blood;
   which, before cold and settled, left the liver
   white and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimity
   and cowardice; but the sherris warms it and makes
   it course from the inwards to the parts extreme:
   it illumineth the face, which as a beacon gives
   warning to all the rest of this little kingdom,
   man, to arm; and then the vital commoners and
   inland petty spirits muster me all to their captain,
   the heart, who, great and puffed up with this
   retinue, doth any deed of courage; and this valour
   comes of sherris. So that skill in the weapon is
   nothing without sack, for that sets it a-work; and
   learning a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, till
   sack commences it and sets it in act and use.
   Hereof comes it that Prince Harry is valiant; for
   the cold blood he did naturally inherit of his
   father, he hath, like lean, sterile and bare land,
   manured, husbanded and tilled with excellent
   endeavour of drinking good and good store of fertile
   sherris, that he is become very hot and valiant. If
   I had a thousand sons, the first humane principle I
   would teach them should be, to forswear thin
   potations and to addict themselves to sack.
   Enter BARDOLPH
   How now Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

   The army is discharged all and gone.

FALSTAFF

   Let them go. I'll through Gloucestershire; and
   there will I visit Master Robert Shallow, esquire:
   I have him already tempering between my finger and
   my thumb, and shortly will I seal with him. Come away.
   Exeunt

SCENE IV. Westminster. The Jerusalem Chamber.

   Enter KING HENRY IV, the Princes Thomas of CLARENCE and Humphrey of GLOUCESTER, WARWICK, and others 

KING HENRY IV

   Now, lords, if God doth give successful end
   To this debate that bleedeth at our doors,
   We will our youth lead on to higher fields
   And draw no swords but what are sanctified.
   Our navy is address'd, our power collected,
   Our substitutes in absence well invested,
   And every thing lies level to our wish:
   Only, we want a little personal strength;
   And pause us, till these rebels, now afoot,
   Come underneath the yoke of government.

WARWICK

   Both which we doubt not but your majesty
   Shall soon enjoy.

KING HENRY IV

   Humphrey, my son of Gloucester,
   Where is the prince your brother?

GLOUCESTER

   I think he's gone to hunt, my lord, at Windsor.

KING HENRY IV

   And how accompanied?

GLOUCESTER

   I do not know, my lord.

KING HENRY IV

   Is not his brother, Thomas of Clarence, with him?

GLOUCESTER

   No, my good lord; he is in presence here.

CLARENCE

   What would my lord and father?

KING HENRY IV

   Nothing but well to thee, Thomas of Clarence.
   How chance thou art not with the prince thy brother?
   He loves thee, and thou dost neglect him, Thomas;
   Thou hast a better place in his affection
   Than all thy brothers: cherish it, my boy,
   And noble offices thou mayst effect
   Of mediation, after I am dead,
   Between his greatness and thy other brethren:
   Therefore omit him not; blunt not his love,
   Nor lose the good advantage of his grace
   By seeming cold or careless of his will;
   For he is gracious, if he be observed:
   He hath a tear for pity and a hand
   Open as day for melting charity:
   Yet notwithstanding, being incensed, he's flint,
   As humorous as winter and as sudden
   As flaws congealed in the spring of day.
   His temper, therefore, must be well observed:
   Chide him for faults, and do it reverently,
   When thou perceive his blood inclined to mirth;
   But, being moody, give him line and scope,
   Till that his passions, like a whale on ground,
   Confound themselves with working. Learn this, Thomas,
   And thou shalt prove a shelter to thy friends,
   A hoop of gold to bind thy brothers in,
   That the united vessel of their blood,
   Mingled with venom of suggestion--
   As, force perforce, the age will pour it in--
   Shall never leak, though it do work as strong
   As aconitum or rash gunpowder.

CLARENCE

   I shall observe him with all care and love.

KING HENRY IV

   Why art thou not at Windsor with him, Thomas?

CLARENCE

   He is not there to-day; he dines in London.

KING HENRY IV

   And how accompanied? canst thou tell that?

CLARENCE

   With Poins, and other his continual followers.

KING HENRY IV

   Most subject is the fattest soil to weeds;
   And he, the noble image of my youth,
   Is overspread with them: therefore my grief
   Stretches itself beyond the hour of death:
   The blood weeps from my heart when I do shape
   In forms imaginary the unguided days
   And rotten times that you shall look upon
   When I am sleeping with my ancestors.
   For when his headstrong riot hath no curb,
   When rage and hot blood are his counsellors,
   When means and lavish manners meet together,
   O, with what wings shall his affections fly
   Towards fronting peril and opposed decay!

WARWICK

   My gracious lord, you look beyond him quite:
   The prince but studies his companions
   Like a strange tongue, wherein, to gain the language,
   'Tis needful that the most immodest word
   Be look'd upon and learn'd; which once attain'd,
   Your highness knows, comes to no further use
   But to be known and hated. So, like gross terms,
   The prince will in the perfectness of time
   Cast off his followers; and their memory
   Shall as a pattern or a measure live,
   By which his grace must mete the lives of others,
   Turning past evils to advantages.

KING HENRY IV

   'Tis seldom when the bee doth leave her comb
   In the dead carrion.
   Enter WESTMORELAND
   Who's here? Westmoreland?

WESTMORELAND

   Health to my sovereign, and new happiness
   Added to that that I am to deliver!
   Prince John your son doth kiss your grace's hand:
   Mowbray, the Bishop Scroop, Hastings and all
   Are brought to the correction of your law;
   There is not now a rebel's sword unsheath'd
   But peace puts forth her olive every where.
   The manner how this action hath been borne
   Here at more leisure may your highness read,
   With every course in his particular.

KING HENRY IV

   O Westmoreland, thou art a summer bird,
   Which ever in the haunch of winter sings
   The lifting up of day.
   Enter HARCOURT
   Look, here's more news.

HARCOURT

   From enemies heaven keep your majesty;
   And, when they stand against you, may they fall
   As those that I am come to tell you of!
   The Earl Northumberland and the Lord Bardolph,
   With a great power of English and of Scots
   Are by the sheriff of Yorkshire overthrown:
   The manner and true order of the fight
   This packet, please it you, contains at large.

KING HENRY IV

   And wherefore should these good news make me sick?
   Will fortune never come with both hands full,
   But write her fair words still in foulest letters?
   She either gives a stomach and no food;
   Such are the poor, in health; or else a feast
   And takes away the stomach; such are the rich,
   That have abundance and enjoy it not.
   I should rejoice now at this happy news;
   And now my sight fails, and my brain is giddy:
   O me! come near me; now I am much ill.

GLOUCESTER

   Comfort, your majesty!

CLARENCE

   O my royal father!

WESTMORELAND

   My sovereign lord, cheer up yourself, look up.

WARWICK

   Be patient, princes; you do know, these fits
   Are with his highness very ordinary.
   Stand from him. Give him air; he'll straight be well.

CLARENCE

   No, no, he cannot long hold out these pangs:
   The incessant care and labour of his mind
   Hath wrought the mure that should confine it in
   So thin that life looks through and will break out.

GLOUCESTER

   The people fear me; for they do observe
   Unfather'd heirs and loathly births of nature:
   The seasons change their manners, as the year
   Had found some months asleep and leap'd them over.

CLARENCE

   The river hath thrice flow'd, no ebb between;
   And the old folk, time's doting chronicles,
   Say it did so a little time before
   That our great-grandsire, Edward, sick'd and died.

WARWICK

   Speak lower, princes, for the king recovers.

GLOUCESTER

   This apoplexy will certain be his end.

KING HENRY IV

   I pray you, take me up, and bear me hence
   Into some other chamber: softly, pray.

SCENE V. Another chamber.

   KING HENRY IV lying on a bed: CLARENCE, GLOUCESTER, WARWICK, and others in attendance 

KING HENRY IV

   Let there be no noise made, my gentle friends;
   Unless some dull and favourable hand
   Will whisper music to my weary spirit.

WARWICK

   Call for the music in the other room.

KING HENRY IV

   Set me the crown upon my pillow here.

CLARENCE

   His eye is hollow, and he changes much.

WARWICK

   Less noise, less noise!
   Enter PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY

   Who saw the Duke of Clarence?

CLARENCE

   I am here, brother, full of heaviness.

PRINCE HENRY

   How now! rain within doors, and none abroad!
   How doth the king?

GLOUCESTER

   Exceeding ill.

PRINCE HENRY

   Heard he the good news yet?
   Tell it him.

GLOUCESTER

   He alter'd much upon the hearing it.

PRINCE HENRY

   If he be sick with joy, he'll recover without physic.

WARWICK

   Not so much noise, my lords: sweet prince,
   speak low;
   The king your father is disposed to sleep.

CLARENCE

   Let us withdraw into the other room.

WARWICK

   Will't please your grace to go along with us?

PRINCE HENRY

   No; I will sit and watch here by the king.
   Exeunt all but PRINCE HENRY
   Why doth the crown lie there upon his pillow,
   Being so troublesome a bedfellow?
   O polish'd perturbation! golden care!
   That keep'st the ports of slumber open wide
   To many a watchful night! sleep with it now!
   Yet not so sound and half so deeply sweet
   As he whose brow with homely biggen bound
   Snores out the watch of night. O majesty!
   When thou dost pinch thy bearer, thou dost sit
   Like a rich armour worn in heat of day,
   That scalds with safety. By his gates of breath
   There lies a downy feather which stirs not:
   Did he suspire, that light and weightless down
   Perforce must move. My gracious lord! my father!
   This sleep is sound indeed, this is a sleep
   That from this golden rigol hath divorced
   So many English kings. Thy due from me
   Is tears and heavy sorrows of the blood,
   Which nature, love, and filial tenderness,
   Shall, O dear father, pay thee plenteously:
   My due from thee is this imperial crown,
   Which, as immediate as thy place and blood,
   Derives itself to me. Lo, here it sits,
   Which God shall guard: and put the world's whole strength
   Into one giant arm, it shall not force
   This lineal honour from me: this from thee
   Will I to mine leave, as 'tis left to me.
   Exit

KING HENRY IV

   Warwick! Gloucester! Clarence!
   Re-enter WARWICK, GLOUCESTER, CLARENCE, and the rest

CLARENCE

   Doth the king call?

WARWICK

   What would your majesty? How fares your grace?

KING HENRY IV

   Why did you leave me here alone, my lords?

CLARENCE

   We left the prince my brother here, my liege,
   Who undertook to sit and watch by you.

KING HENRY IV

   The Prince of Wales! Where is he? let me see him:
   He is not here.

WARWICK

   This door is open; he is gone this way.

GLOUCESTER

   He came not through the chamber where we stay'd.

KING HENRY IV

   Where is the crown? who took it from my pillow?

WARWICK

   When we withdrew, my liege, we left it here.

KING HENRY IV

   The prince hath ta'en it hence: go, seek him out.
   Is he so hasty that he doth suppose
   My sleep my death?
   Find him, my Lord of Warwick; chide him hither.
   Exit WARWICK
   This part of his conjoins with my disease,
   And helps to end me. See, sons, what things you are!
   How quickly nature falls into revolt
   When gold becomes her object!
   For this the foolish over-careful fathers
   Have broke their sleep with thoughts, their brains with care,
   Their bones with industry;
   For this they have engrossed and piled up
   The canker'd heaps of strange-achieved gold;
   For this they have been thoughtful to invest
   Their sons with arts and martial exercises:
   When, like the bee, culling from every flower
   The virtuous sweets,
   Our thighs pack'd with wax, our mouths with honey,
   We bring it to the hive, and, like the bees,
   Are murdered for our pains. This bitter taste
   Yield his engrossments to the ending father.
   Re-enter WARWICK
   Now, where is he that will not stay so long
   Till his friend sickness hath determined me?

WARWICK

   My lord, I found the prince in the next room,
   Washing with kindly tears his gentle cheeks,
   With such a deep demeanor in great sorrow
   That tyranny, which never quaff'd but blood,
   Would, by beholding him, have wash'd his knife
   With gentle eye-drops. He is coming hither.

KING HENRY IV

   But wherefore did he take away the crown?
   Re-enter PRINCE HENRY
   Lo, where he comes. Come hither to me, Harry.
   Depart the chamber, leave us here alone.
   Exeunt WARWICK and the rest

PRINCE HENRY

   I never thought to hear you speak again.

KING HENRY IV

   Thy wish was father, Harry, to that thought:
   I stay too long by thee, I weary thee.
   Dost thou so hunger for mine empty chair
   That thou wilt needs invest thee with my honours
   Before thy hour be ripe? O foolish youth!
   Thou seek'st the greatness that will o'erwhelm thee.
   Stay but a little; for my cloud of dignity
   Is held from falling with so weak a wind
   That it will quickly drop: my day is dim.
   Thou hast stolen that which after some few hours
   Were thine without offence; and at my death
   Thou hast seal'd up my expectation:
   Thy life did manifest thou lovedst me not,
   And thou wilt have me die assured of it.
   Thou hidest a thousand daggers in thy thoughts,
   Which thou hast whetted on thy stony heart,
   To stab at half an hour of my life.
   What! canst thou not forbear me half an hour?
   Then get thee gone and dig my grave thyself,
   And bid the merry bells ring to thine ear
   That thou art crowned, not that I am dead.
   Let all the tears that should bedew my hearse
   Be drops of balm to sanctify thy head:
   Only compound me with forgotten dust
   Give that which gave thee life unto the worms.
   Pluck down my officers, break my decrees;
   For now a time is come to mock at form:
   Harry the Fifth is crown'd: up, vanity!
   Down, royal state! all you sage counsellors, hence!
   And to the English court assemble now,
   From every region, apes of idleness!
   Now, neighbour confines, purge you of your scum:
   Have you a ruffian that will swear, drink, dance,
   Revel the night, rob, murder, and commit
   The oldest sins the newest kind of ways?
   Be happy, he will trouble you no more;
   England shall double gild his treble guilt,
   England shall give him office, honour, might;
   For the fifth Harry from curb'd licence plucks
   The muzzle of restraint, and the wild dog
   Shall flesh his tooth on every innocent.
   O my poor kingdom, sick with civil blows!
   When that my care could not withhold thy riots,
   What wilt thou do when riot is thy care?
   O, thou wilt be a wilderness again,
   Peopled with wolves, thy old inhabitants!

PRINCE HENRY

   O, pardon me, my liege! but for my tears,
   The moist impediments unto my speech,
   I had forestall'd this dear and deep rebuke
   Ere you with grief had spoke and I had heard
   The course of it so far. There is your crown;
   And He that wears the crown immortally
   Long guard it yours! If I affect it more
   Than as your honour and as your renown,
   Let me no more from this obedience rise,
   Which my most inward true and duteous spirit
   Teacheth, this prostrate and exterior bending.
   God witness with me, when I here came in,
   And found no course of breath within your majesty,
   How cold it struck my heart! If I do feign,
   O, let me in my present wildness die
   And never live to show the incredulous world
   The noble change that I have purposed!
   Coming to look on you, thinking you dead,
   And dead almost, my liege, to think you were,
   I spake unto this crown as having sense,
   And thus upbraided it: 'The care on thee depending
   Hath fed upon the body of my father;
   Therefore, thou best of gold art worst of gold:
   Other, less fine in carat, is more precious,
   Preserving life in medicine potable;
   But thou, most fine, most honour'd: most renown'd,
   Hast eat thy bearer up.' Thus, my most royal liege,
   Accusing it, I put it on my head,
   To try with it, as with an enemy
   That had before my face murder'd my father,
   The quarrel of a true inheritor.
   But if it did infect my blood with joy,
   Or swell my thoughts to any strain of pride;
   If any rebel or vain spirit of mine
   Did with the least affection of a welcome
   Give entertainment to the might of it,
   Let God for ever keep it from my head
   And make me as the poorest vassal is
   That doth with awe and terror kneel to it!

KING HENRY IV

   O my son,
   God put it in thy mind to take it hence,
   That thou mightst win the more thy father's love,
   Pleading so wisely in excuse of it!
   Come hither, Harry, sit thou by my bed;
   And hear, I think, the very latest counsel
   That ever I shall breathe. God knows, my son,
   By what by-paths and indirect crook'd ways
   I met this crown; and I myself know well
   How troublesome it sat upon my head.
   To thee it shall descend with bitter quiet,
   Better opinion, better confirmation;
   For all the soil of the achievement goes
   With me into the earth. It seem'd in me
   But as an honour snatch'd with boisterous hand,
   And I had many living to upbraid
   My gain of it by their assistances;
   Which daily grew to quarrel and to bloodshed,
   Wounding supposed peace: all these bold fears
   Thou see'st with peril I have answered;
   For all my reign hath been but as a scene
   Acting that argument: and now my death
   Changes the mode; for what in me was purchased,
   Falls upon thee in a more fairer sort;
   So thou the garland wear'st successively.
   Yet, though thou stand'st more sure than I could do,
   Thou art not firm enough, since griefs are green;
   And all my friends, which thou must make thy friends,
   Have but their stings and teeth newly ta'en out;
   By whose fell working I was first advanced
   And by whose power I well might lodge a fear
   To be again displaced: which to avoid,
   I cut them off; and had a purpose now
   To lead out many to the Holy Land,
   Lest rest and lying still might make them look
   Too near unto my state. Therefore, my Harry,
   Be it thy course to busy giddy minds
   With foreign quarrels; that action, hence borne out,
   May waste the memory of the former days.
   More would I, but my lungs are wasted so
   That strength of speech is utterly denied me.
   How I came by the crown, O God forgive;
   And grant it may with thee in true peace live!

PRINCE HENRY

   My gracious liege,
   You won it, wore it, kept it, gave it me;
   Then plain and right must my possession be:
   Which I with more than with a common pain
   'Gainst all the world will rightfully maintain.
   Enter Lord John of LANCASTER

KING HENRY IV

   Look, look, here comes my John of Lancaster.

LANCASTER

   Health, peace, and happiness to my royal father!

KING HENRY IV

   Thou bring'st me happiness and peace, son John;
   But health, alack, with youthful wings is flown
   From this bare wither'd trunk: upon thy sight
   My worldly business makes a period.
   Where is my Lord of Warwick?

PRINCE HENRY

   My Lord of Warwick!
   Enter WARWICK, and others

KING HENRY IV

   Doth any name particular belong
   Unto the lodging where I first did swoon?

WARWICK

   'Tis call'd Jerusalem, my noble lord.

KING HENRY IV

   Laud be to God! even there my life must end.
   It hath been prophesied to me many years,
   I should not die but in Jerusalem;
   Which vainly I supposed the Holy Land:
   But bear me to that chamber; there I'll lie;
   In that Jerusalem shall Harry die.
   Exeunt

ACT V SCENE I. Gloucestershire. SHALLOW'S house.

   Enter SHALLOW, FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, and Page 

SHALLOW

   By cock and pie, sir, you shall not away to-night.
   What, Davy, I say!

FALSTAFF

   You must excuse me, Master Robert Shallow.

SHALLOW

   I will not excuse you; you shall not be excused;
   excuses shall not be admitted; there is no excuse
   shall serve; you shall not be excused. Why, Davy!
   Enter DAVY

DAVY

   Here, sir.

SHALLOW

   Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy, let me see, Davy; let me
   see, Davy; let me see: yea, marry, William cook,
   bid him come hither. Sir John, you shall not be excused.

DAVY

   Marry, sir, thus; those precepts cannot be served:
   and, again, sir, shall we sow the headland with wheat?

SHALLOW

   With red wheat, Davy. But for William cook: are
   there no young pigeons?

DAVY

   Yes, sir. Here is now the smith's note for shoeing
   and plough-irons.

SHALLOW

   Let it be cast and paid. Sir John, you shall not be excused.

DAVY

   Now, sir, a new link to the bucket must need be
   had: and, sir, do you mean to stop any of William's
   wages, about the sack he lost the other day at
   Hinckley fair?

SHALLOW

   A' shall answer it. Some pigeons, Davy, a couple
   of short-legged hens, a joint of mutton, and any
   pretty little tiny kickshaws, tell William cook.

DAVY

   Doth the man of war stay all night, sir?

SHALLOW

   Yea, Davy. I will use him well: a friend i' the
   court is better than a penny in purse. Use his men
   well, Davy; for they are arrant knaves, and will backbite.

DAVY

   No worse than they are backbitten, sir; for they
   have marvellous foul linen.

SHALLOW

   Well conceited, Davy: about thy business, Davy.

DAVY

   I beseech you, sir, to countenance William Visor of
   Woncot against Clement Perkes of the hill.

SHALLOW

   There is many complaints, Davy, against that Visor:
   that Visor is an arrant knave, on my knowledge.

DAVY

   I grant your worship that he is a knave, sir; but
   yet, God forbid, sir, but a knave should have some
   countenance at his friend's request. An honest
   man, sir, is able to speak for himself, when a knave
   is not. I have served your worship truly, sir,
   this eight years; and if I cannot once or twice in
   a quarter bear out a knave against an honest man, I
   have but a very little credit with your worship. The
   knave is mine honest friend, sir; therefore, I
   beseech your worship, let him be countenanced.

SHALLOW

   Go to; I say he shall have no wrong. Look about, Davy.
   Exit DAVY
   Where are you, Sir John? Come, come, come, off
   with your boots. Give me your hand, Master Bardolph.

BARDOLPH

   I am glad to see your worship.

SHALLOW

   I thank thee with all my heart, kind
   Master Bardolph: and welcome, my tall fellow.
   To the Page
   Come, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

   I'll follow you, good Master Robert Shallow.
   Exit SHALLOW
   Bardolph, look to our horses.
   Exeunt BARDOLPH and Page
   If I were sawed into quantities, I should make four
   dozen of such bearded hermits' staves as Master
   Shallow. It is a wonderful thing to see the
   semblable coherence of his men's spirits and his:
   they, by observing of him, do bear themselves like
   foolish justices; he, by conversing with them, is
   turned into a justice-like serving-man: their
   spirits are so married in conjunction with the
   participation of society that they flock together in
   consent, like so many wild-geese. If I had a suit
   to Master Shallow, I would humour his men with the
   imputation of being near their master: if to his
   men, I would curry with Master Shallow that no man
   could better command his servants. It is certain
   that either wise bearing or ignorant carriage is
   caught, as men take diseases, one of another:
   therefore let men take heed of their company. I
   will devise matter enough out of this Shallow to
   keep Prince Harry in continual laughter the wearing
   out of six fashions, which is four terms, or two
   actions, and a' shall laugh without intervallums. O,
   it is much that a lie with a slight oath and a jest
   with a sad brow will do with a fellow that never
   had the ache in his shoulders! O, you shall see him
   laugh till his face be like a wet cloak ill laid up!

SHALLOW

   [Within] Sir John!

FALSTAFF

   I come, Master Shallow; I come, Master Shallow.
   Exit

SCENE II. Westminster. The palace.

   Enter WARWICK and the Lord Chief-Justice, meeting 

WARWICK

   How now, my lord chief-justice! whither away?
   Lord Chief-Justice How doth the king?

WARWICK

   Exceeding well; his cares are now all ended.
   Lord Chief-Justice I hope, not dead.

WARWICK

   He's walk'd the way of nature;
   And to our purposes he lives no more.
   Lord Chief-Justice I would his majesty had call'd me with him:
   The service that I truly did his life
   Hath left me open to all injuries.

WARWICK

   Indeed I think the young king loves you not.
   Lord Chief-Justice I know he doth not, and do arm myself
   To welcome the condition of the time,
   Which cannot look more hideously upon me
   Than I have drawn it in my fantasy.
   Enter LANCASTER, CLARENCE, GLOUCESTER, WESTMORELAND, and others

WARWICK

   Here come the heavy issue of dead Harry:
   O that the living Harry had the temper
   Of him, the worst of these three gentlemen!
   How many nobles then should hold their places
   That must strike sail to spirits of vile sort!
   Lord Chief-Justice O God, I fear all will be overturn'd!

LANCASTER

   Good morrow, cousin Warwick, good morrow.

GLOUCESTER CLARENCE

   Good morrow, cousin.

LANCASTER

   We meet like men that had forgot to speak.

WARWICK

   We do remember; but our argument
   Is all too heavy to admit much talk.

LANCASTER

   Well, peace be with him that hath made us heavy.
   Lord Chief-Justice Peace be with us, lest we be heavier!

GLOUCESTER

   O, good my lord, you have lost a friend indeed;
   And I dare swear you borrow not that face
   Of seeming sorrow, it is sure your own.

LANCASTER

   Though no man be assured what grace to find,
   You stand in coldest expectation:
   I am the sorrier; would 'twere otherwise.

CLARENCE

   Well, you must now speak Sir John Falstaff fair;
   Which swims against your stream of quality.
   Lord Chief-Justice Sweet princes, what I did, I did in honour,
   Led by the impartial conduct of my soul:
   And never shall you see that I will beg
   A ragged and forestall'd remission.
   If truth and upright innocency fail me,
   I'll to the king my master that is dead,
   And tell him who hath sent me after him.

WARWICK

   Here comes the prince.
   Enter KING HENRY V, attended
   Lord Chief-Justice Good morrow; and God save your majesty!

KING HENRY V

   This new and gorgeous garment, majesty,
   Sits not so easy on me as you think.
   Brothers, you mix your sadness with some fear:
   This is the English, not the Turkish court;
   Not Amurath an Amurath succeeds,
   But Harry Harry. Yet be sad, good brothers,
   For, by my faith, it very well becomes you:
   Sorrow so royally in you appears
   That I will deeply put the fashion on
   And wear it in my heart: why then, be sad;
   But entertain no more of it, good brothers,
   Than a joint burden laid upon us all.
   For me, by heaven, I bid you be assured,
   I'll be your father and your brother too;
   Let me but bear your love, I 'll bear your cares:
   Yet weep that Harry's dead; and so will I;
   But Harry lives, that shall convert those tears
   By number into hours of happiness.

Princes

   We hope no other from your majesty.

KING HENRY V

   You all look strangely on me: and you most;
   You are, I think, assured I love you not.
   Lord Chief-Justice I am assured, if I be measured rightly,
   Your majesty hath no just cause to hate me.

KING HENRY V

   No!
   How might a prince of my great hopes forget
   So great indignities you laid upon me?
   What! rate, rebuke, and roughly send to prison
   The immediate heir of England! Was this easy?
   May this be wash'd in Lethe, and forgotten?
   Lord Chief-Justice I then did use the person of your father;
   The image of his power lay then in me:
   And, in the administration of his law,
   Whiles I was busy for the commonwealth,
   Your highness pleased to forget my place,
   The majesty and power of law and justice,
   The image of the king whom I presented,
   And struck me in my very seat of judgment;
   Whereon, as an offender to your father,
   I gave bold way to my authority
   And did commit you. If the deed were ill,
   Be you contented, wearing now the garland,
   To have a son set your decrees at nought,
   To pluck down justice from your awful bench,
   To trip the course of law and blunt the sword
   That guards the peace and safety of your person;
   Nay, more, to spurn at your most royal image
   And mock your workings in a second body.
   Question your royal thoughts, make the case yours;
   Be now the father and propose a son,
   Hear your own dignity so much profaned,
   See your most dreadful laws so loosely slighted,
   Behold yourself so by a son disdain'd;
   And then imagine me taking your part
   And in your power soft silencing your son:
   After this cold considerance, sentence me;
   And, as you are a king, speak in your state
   What I have done that misbecame my place,
   My person, or my liege's sovereignty.

KING HENRY V

   You are right, justice, and you weigh this well;
   Therefore still bear the balance and the sword:
   And I do wish your honours may increase,
   Till you do live to see a son of mine
   Offend you and obey you, as I did.
   So shall I live to speak my father's words:
   'Happy am I, that have a man so bold,
   That dares do justice on my proper son;
   And not less happy, having such a son,
   That would deliver up his greatness so
   Into the hands of justice.' You did commit me:
   For which, I do commit into your hand
   The unstained sword that you have used to bear;
   With this remembrance, that you use the same
   With the like bold, just and impartial spirit
   As you have done 'gainst me. There is my hand.
   You shall be as a father to my youth:
   My voice shall sound as you do prompt mine ear,
   And I will stoop and humble my intents
   To your well-practised wise directions.
   And, princes all, believe me, I beseech you;
   My father is gone wild into his grave,
   For in his tomb lie my affections;
   And with his spirit sadly I survive,
   To mock the expectation of the world,
   To frustrate prophecies and to raze out
   Rotten opinion, who hath writ me down
   After my seeming. The tide of blood in me
   Hath proudly flow'd in vanity till now:
   Now doth it turn and ebb back to the sea,
   Where it shall mingle with the state of floods
   And flow henceforth in formal majesty.
   Now call we our high court of parliament:
   And let us choose such limbs of noble counsel,
   That the great body of our state may go
   In equal rank with the best govern'd nation;
   That war, or peace, or both at once, may be
   As things acquainted and familiar to us;
   In which you, father, shall have foremost hand.
   Our coronation done, we will accite,
   As I before remember'd, all our state:
   And, God consigning to my good intents,
   No prince nor peer shall have just cause to say,
   God shorten Harry's happy life one day!
   Exeunt

SCENE III. Gloucestershire. SHALLOW'S orchard.

   Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, SILENCE, DAVY, BARDOLPH, and the Page 

SHALLOW

   Nay, you shall see my orchard, where, in an arbour,
   we will eat a last year's pippin of my own graffing,
   with a dish of caraways, and so forth: come,
   cousin Silence: and then to bed.

FALSTAFF

   'Fore God, you have here a goodly dwelling and a rich.

SHALLOW

   Barren, barren, barren; beggars all, beggars all,
   Sir John: marry, good air. Spread, Davy; spread,
   Davy; well said, Davy.

FALSTAFF

   This Davy serves you for good uses; he is your
   serving-man and your husband.

SHALLOW

   A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet,
   Sir John: by the mass, I have drunk too much sack
   at supper: a good varlet. Now sit down, now sit
   down: come, cousin.

SILENCE

   Ah, sirrah! quoth-a, we shall
   Do nothing but eat, and make good cheer,
   Singing
   And praise God for the merry year;
   When flesh is cheap and females dear,
   And lusty lads roam here and there
   So merrily,
   And ever among so merrily.

FALSTAFF

   There's a merry heart! Good Master Silence, I'll
   give you a health for that anon.

SHALLOW

   Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.

DAVY

   Sweet sir, sit; I'll be with you anon. most sweet
   sir, sit. Master page, good master page, sit.
   Proface! What you want in meat, we'll have in drink:
   but you must bear; the heart's all.
   Exit

SHALLOW

   Be merry, Master Bardolph; and, my little soldier
   there, be merry.

SILENCE

   Be merry, be merry, my wife has all;
   Singing
   For women are shrews, both short and tall:
   'Tis merry in hall when beards wag all,
   And welcome merry Shrove-tide.
   Be merry, be merry.

FALSTAFF

   I did not think Master Silence had been a man of
   this mettle.

SILENCE

   Who, I? I have been merry twice and once ere now.
   Re-enter DAVY

DAVY

   There's a dish of leather-coats for you.
   To BARDOLPH

SHALLOW

   Davy!

DAVY

   Your worship! I'll be with you straight.
   To BARDOLPH
   A cup of wine, sir?

SILENCE

   A cup of wine that's brisk and fine,
   Singing
   And drink unto the leman mine;
   And a merry heart lives long-a.

FALSTAFF

   Well said, Master Silence.

SILENCE

   An we shall be merry, now comes in the sweet o' the night.

FALSTAFF

   Health and long life to you, Master Silence.

SILENCE

   Fill the cup, and let it come;
   Singing
   I'll pledge you a mile to the bottom.

SHALLOW

   Honest Bardolph, welcome: if thou wantest any
   thing, and wilt not call, beshrew thy heart.
   Welcome, my little tiny thief.
   To the Page
   And welcome indeed too. I'll drink to Master
   Bardolph, and to all the cavaleros about London.

DAVY

   I hove to see London once ere I die.

BARDOLPH

   An I might see you there, Davy,--

SHALLOW

   By the mass, you'll crack a quart together, ha!
   Will you not, Master Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

   Yea, sir, in a pottle-pot.

SHALLOW

   By God's liggens, I thank thee: the knave will
   stick by thee, I can assure thee that. A' will not
   out; he is true bred.

BARDOLPH

   And I'll stick by him, sir.

SHALLOW

   Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing: be merry.
   Knocking within
   Look who's at door there, ho! who knocks?
   Exit DAVY

FALSTAFF

   Why, now you have done me right.
   To SILENCE, seeing him take off a bumper

SILENCE

   [Singing]
   Do me right,
   And dub me knight: Samingo.
   Is't not so?

FALSTAFF

   'Tis so.

SILENCE

   Is't so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.
   Re-enter DAVY

DAVY

   An't please your worship, there's one Pistol come
   from the court with news.

FALSTAFF

   From the court! let him come in.
   Enter PISTOL
   How now, Pistol!

PISTOL

   Sir John, God save you!

FALSTAFF

   What wind blew you hither, Pistol?

PISTOL

   Not the ill wind which blows no man to good. Sweet
   knight, thou art now one of the greatest men in this realm.

SILENCE

   By'r lady, I think a' be, but goodman Puff of Barson.

PISTOL

   Puff!
   Puff in thy teeth, most recreant coward base!
   Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend,
   And helter-skelter have I rode to thee,
   And tidings do I bring and lucky joys
   And golden times and happy news of price.

FALSTAFF

   I pray thee now, deliver them like a man of this world.

PISTOL

   A foutre for the world and worldlings base!
   I speak of Africa and golden joys.

FALSTAFF

   O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news?
   Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof.

SILENCE

   And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John.
   Singing

PISTOL

   Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons?
   And shall good news be baffled?
   Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies' lap.

SILENCE

   Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.

PISTOL

   Why then, lament therefore.

SHALLOW

   Give me pardon, sir: if, sir, you come with news
   from the court, I take it there's but two ways,
   either to utter them, or to conceal them. I am,
   sir, under the king, in some authority.

PISTOL

   Under which king, Besonian? speak, or die.

SHALLOW

   Under King Harry.

PISTOL

   Harry the Fourth? or Fifth?

SHALLOW

   Harry the Fourth.

PISTOL

   A foutre for thine office!
   Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king;
   Harry the Fifth's the man. I speak the truth:
   When Pistol lies, do this; and fig me, like
   The bragging Spaniard.

FALSTAFF

   What, is the old king dead?

PISTOL

   As nail in door: the things I speak are just.

FALSTAFF

   Away, Bardolph! saddle my horse. Master Robert
   Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land,
   'tis thine. Pistol, I will double-charge thee with dignities.

BARDOLPH

   O joyful day!
   I would not take a knighthood for my fortune.

PISTOL

   What! I do bring good news.

FALSTAFF

   Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow, my
   Lord Shallow,--be what thou wilt; I am fortune's
   steward--get on thy boots: we'll ride all night.
   O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph!
   Exit BARDOLPH
   Come, Pistol, utter more to me; and withal devise
   something to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master
   Shallow: I know the young king is sick for me. Let
   us take any man's horses; the laws of England are at
   my commandment. Blessed are they that have been my
   friends; and woe to my lord chief-justice!

PISTOL

   Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
   'Where is the life that late I led?' say they:
   Why, here it is; welcome these pleasant days!
   Exeunt

SCENE IV. London. A street.

   Enter Beadles, dragging in HOSTESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   No, thou arrant knave; I would to God that I might
   die, that I might have thee hanged: thou hast
   drawn my shoulder out of joint.

First Beadle

   The constables have delivered her over to me; and
   she shall have whipping-cheer enough, I warrant
   her: there hath been a man or two lately killed about her.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Nut-hook, nut-hook, you lie. Come on; I 'll tell
   thee what, thou damned tripe-visaged rascal, an
   the child I now go with do miscarry, thou wert
   better thou hadst struck thy mother, thou
   paper-faced villain.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   O the Lord, that Sir John were come! he would make
   this a bloody day to somebody. But I pray God the
   fruit of her womb miscarry!

First Beadle

   If it do, you shall have a dozen of cushions again;
   you have but eleven now. Come, I charge you both go
   with me; for the man is dead that you and Pistol
   beat amongst you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   I'll tell you what, you thin man in a censer, I
   will have you as soundly swinged for this,--you
   blue-bottle rogue, you filthy famished correctioner,
   if you be not swinged, I'll forswear half-kirtles.

First Beadle

   Come, come, you she knight-errant, come.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   O God, that right should thus overcome might!
   Well, of sufferance comes ease.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Come, you rogue, come; bring me to a justice.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Ay, come, you starved blood-hound.

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Goodman death, goodman bones!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

   Thou atomy, thou!

DOLL TEARSHEET

   Come, you thin thing; come you rascal.

First Beadle

   Very well.
   Exeunt

SCENE V. A public place near Westminster Abbey.

   Enter two Grooms, strewing rushes 

First Groom

   More rushes, more rushes.

Second Groom

   The trumpets have sounded twice.

First Groom

   'Twill be two o'clock ere they come from the
   coronation: dispatch, dispatch.
   Exeunt
   Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and Page

FALSTAFF

   Stand here by me, Master Robert Shallow; I will
   make the king do you grace: I will leer upon him as
   a' comes by; and do but mark the countenance that he
   will give me.

PISTOL

   God bless thy lungs, good knight.

FALSTAFF

   Come here, Pistol; stand behind me. O, if I had had
   time to have made new liveries, I would have
   bestowed the thousand pound I borrowed of you. But
   'tis no matter; this poor show doth better: this
   doth infer the zeal I had to see him.

SHALLOW

   It doth so.

FALSTAFF

   It shows my earnestness of affection,--

SHALLOW

   It doth so.

FALSTAFF

   My devotion,--

SHALLOW

   It doth, it doth, it doth.

FALSTAFF

   As it were, to ride day and night; and not to
   deliberate, not to remember, not to have patience
   to shift me,--

SHALLOW

   It is best, certain.

FALSTAFF

   But to stand stained with travel, and sweating with
   desire to see him; thinking of nothing else,
   putting all affairs else in oblivion, as if there
   were nothing else to be done but to see him.

PISTOL

   'Tis 'semper idem,' for 'obsque hoc nihil est:'
   'tis all in every part.

SHALLOW

   'Tis so, indeed.

PISTOL

   My knight, I will inflame thy noble liver,
   And make thee rage.
   Thy Doll, and Helen of thy noble thoughts,
   Is in base durance and contagious prison;
   Haled thither
   By most mechanical and dirty hand:
   Rouse up revenge from ebon den with fell
   Alecto's snake,
   For Doll is in. Pistol speaks nought but truth.

FALSTAFF

   I will deliver her.
   Shouts within, and the trumpets sound

PISTOL

   There roar'd the sea, and trumpet-clangor sounds.
   Enter KING HENRY V and his train, the Lord Chief- Justice among them

FALSTAFF

   God save thy grace, King Hal! my royal Hal!

PISTOL

   The heavens thee guard and keep, most royal imp of fame!

FALSTAFF

   God save thee, my sweet boy!

KING HENRY IV

   My lord chief-justice, speak to that vain man.
   Lord Chief-Justice Have you your wits? know you what 'tis to speak?

FALSTAFF

   My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!

KING HENRY IV

   I know thee not, old man: fall to thy prayers;
   How ill white hairs become a fool and jester!
   I have long dream'd of such a kind of man,
   So surfeit-swell'd, so old and so profane;
   But, being awaked, I do despise my dream.
   Make less thy body hence, and more thy grace;
   Leave gormandizing; know the grave doth gape
   For thee thrice wider than for other men.
   Reply not to me with a fool-born jest:
   Presume not that I am the thing I was;
   For God doth know, so shall the world perceive,
   That I have turn'd away my former self;
   So will I those that kept me company.
   When thou dost hear I am as I have been,
   Approach me, and thou shalt be as thou wast,
   The tutor and the feeder of my riots:
   Till then, I banish thee, on pain of death,
   As I have done the rest of my misleaders,
   Not to come near our person by ten mile.
   For competence of life I will allow you,
   That lack of means enforce you not to evil:
   And, as we hear you do reform yourselves,
   We will, according to your strengths and qualities,
   Give you advancement. Be it your charge, my lord,
   To see perform'd the tenor of our word. Set on.
   Exeunt KING HENRY V, & c

FALSTAFF

   Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pound.

SHALLOW

   Yea, marry, Sir John; which I beseech you to let me
   have home with me.

FALSTAFF

   That can hardly be, Master Shallow. Do not you
   grieve at this; I shall be sent for in private to
   him: look you, he must seem thus to the world:
   fear not your advancements; I will be the man yet
   that shall make you great.

SHALLOW

   I cannot well perceive how, unless you should give
   me your doublet and stuff me out with straw. I
   beseech you, good Sir John, let me have five hundred
   of my thousand.

FALSTAFF

   Sir, I will be as good as my word: this that you
   heard was but a colour.

SHALLOW

   A colour that I fear you will die in, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

   Fear no colours: go with me to dinner: come,
   Lieutenant Pistol; come, Bardolph: I shall be sent
   for soon at night.
   Re-enter Prince John of LANCASTER, the Lord Chief-Justice; Officers with them
   Lord Chief-Justice Go, carry Sir John Falstaff to the Fleet:
   Take all his company along with him.

FALSTAFF

   My lord, my lord,--
   Lord Chief-Justice I cannot now speak: I will hear you soon.
   Take them away.

PISTOL

   Si fortune me tormenta, spero contenta.
   Exeunt all but PRINCE JOHN and the Lord Chief-Justice

LANCASTER

   I like this fair proceeding of the king's:
   He hath intent his wonted followers
   Shall all be very well provided for;
   But all are banish'd till their conversations
   Appear more wise and modest to the world.
   Lord Chief-Justice And so they are.

LANCASTER

   The king hath call'd his parliament, my lord.
   Lord Chief-Justice He hath.

LANCASTER

   I will lay odds that, ere this year expire,
   We bear our civil swords and native fire
   As far as France: I beard a bird so sing,
   Whose music, to my thinking, pleased the king.
   Come, will you hence?
   Exeunt
   EPILOGUE
   Spoken by a Dancer
   First my fear; then my courtesy; last my speech.
   My fear is, your displeasure; my courtesy, my duty;
   and my speech, to beg your pardons. If you look
   for a good speech now, you undo me: for what I have
   to say is of mine own making; and what indeed I
   should say will, I doubt, prove mine own marring.
   But to the purpose, and so to the venture. Be it
   known to you, as it is very well, I was lately here
   in the end of a displeasing play, to pray your
   patience for it and to promise you a better. I
   meant indeed to pay you with this; which, if like an
   ill venture it come unluckily home, I break, and
   you, my gentle creditors, lose. Here I promised you
   I would be and here I commit my body to your
   mercies: bate me some and I will pay you some and,
   as most debtors do, promise you infinitely.
   If my tongue cannot entreat you to acquit me, will
   you command me to use my legs? and yet that were but
   light payment, to dance out of your debt. But a
   good conscience will make any possible satisfaction,
   and so would I. All the gentlewomen here have
   forgiven me: if the gentlemen will not, then the
   gentlemen do not agree with the gentlewomen, which
   was never seen before in such an assembly.
   One word more, I beseech you. If you be not too
   much cloyed with fat meat, our humble author will
   continue the story, with Sir John in it, and make
   you merry with fair Katharine of France: where, for
   any thing I know, Falstaff shall die of a sweat,
   unless already a' be killed with your hard
   opinions; for Oldcastle died a martyr, and this is
   not the man. My tongue is weary; when my legs are
   too, I will bid you good night: and so kneel down
   before you; but, indeed, to pray for the queen.

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