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How to Kiss

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Be A Great Kisser

Throughout centuries there have been many languages people have used to express their love for one another. The kiss, although not a spoken language, may be among the most powerful language of all. From greeting an old friend you haven’t seen in years, to telling your soul mate they mean the world to you; there are a number of kisses used to express one’s love and affection.

When done right, the kiss can also be one of the strongest ways to say what you mean. Over the next few pages, we’ll discuss the many different types of kisses as well as what to do and what not to do to ensure your rating as a kisser verges on the edge of legendary.

You Have to Look Kissable

This doesn’t so much have to do with physical appearance or looking like a supermodel, but if you’re planning on doing some smooching, make sure your smoocher is in good working order. Nobody likes to kiss dry, cracked or hard lips. What this means to you is, if you find yourself in one or more of these conditions, a little lip treatment can get your lips to proper kissing order.

Make sure you use lip balm on a regular basis, especially in dryer or colder climates. Nothing dries out the lips like drier climates, winds, and winter weather. Loosen up your lips. With softer, more kissable lips, when it comes time to use them, make sure you don’t have them pressed together. Having them slightly open will relax your lip muscles, providing a softer, more relaxed kiss.

Smile and make eye contact. If you don’t look like you want to be kissed, chances are likely you won’t be. Watch your other non-verbals as well. If you look closed off (body turned away from a person, arms, crossed, head down, etc.) it only continues to send the message you are not looking for a kiss anytime soon.

Preparing for the Kiss

With your soft, kissable lips ready to go, your smile, eye contact and non-verbals sending out the same message, move in and do not be afraid to break the touch barrier first. This could be something as playful as holding hands, or touching your partner’s upper arm.

This also allows you to determine if the person you hope to kiss is thinking the same thing as well. This may vary from culture to culture, or even regions within the same country. It is important to know what the norms are for where you are and go with them, as some cultures view touching as non-romantic.

Let Them Know What’s on Your Mind

Some moments are easy to understand a kiss is on the verge of happening, but for others, a few more subtle hints may need to be employed. One great way to let someone know you want to lay one on them is by giving some brief eye contact to the other person’s lips.

This is after you’ve moved in, and broken the touch barrier. Giving a slight look to their lips and then resuming eye contact only reiterates the other steps you have taken to get to this point.

Down the Home Stretch

At this point, you should be relatively close already. As silence tends to be relatively prevalent in this often times awkward moment, when you feel that moment has arrived, lean in continuing eye contact until you are a few inches away from the other person’s lips. From here on in, close your eyes and proceed until your lips touch theirs. This is where the pros are separated from the joes, but we will get to that piece in the moment.

Following these first few approach steps will get you to the kiss itself and the good news, is most people can become good at this stage with little to no effort. In addition, with a little practice, and a decent (and patient) partner, almost anyone can become a great kisser in no time.

But let’s back up a minute and take a look at the types of kisses out there and when and where they could be used. Don’t worry. We’ll get back to the actual art of the process in a minute.

The Greeting Kiss

Many times, this is a kiss on one cheek, or in some cultures both cheeks. Depending on the people and culture, some individuals apply a slight peck with their lips fully puckered and closed to the cheek, while others simply touch cheeks and kiss the air, while still others, do not touch faces at all and just move their heads to each side of their partners and kiss the air.

This is also a more common kiss used by females as opposed to males, although it is not exclusively female in its usage.

With this type of kiss, it may be heavily dependent on the culture in which it is used, so it is important to know the culture of the area you are currently in, or the culture of the other person as they may abide by their culture even it they are in another location or different culture. This kiss is also mostly used as greeting or way to say good-bye. All in all, on the romantic kiss level of one to ten, this one rates around a 0.5.

The Charmer

Especially popular in the southern United States, a gentlemen looking to impress a lady lay ask for her hand, and upon her upper fingers lay a soft kiss. Again, this is more of a peck with the lips fully closed, but stems from the days where chivalry was king. In many instances, this approach is more to gain audience with a woman, as to strike up a conversation that may lead to more intimate kissing, or a way to flatter a lady one already knows in efforts to achieve the same goal.

Flirt

This kiss is also used among royalty throughout many other cultures in the world as a sign of respect and is not strictly limited to the female population. In either occasion, it is important to know the culture or audience in which the kiss is being used. If the culture finds touching royalty offensive, grabbing their hand for a kiss may not have the desired results you were hoping for. In the same light, many girls may not be used to a gentleman kissing their hand in today’s society, so knowing your audience and their comfort level should also help guide your decision to use this approach.

The Peck

There are a number of different uses for the peck, a couple of which have already been previously discussed, however; some other options are for kissing those you love without conveying anything more than a simple “I love you.” Examples of this would be kissing your children or parents good night, or those passing moments with a significant other on your way out the door.


The placement of the peck can vary as well, from the forehead to a cheek, to the lips, a peck kiss is just another way to let someone know you think their special, but more so in a plutonic way. Although a peck with a significant other can lead to other kisses, it is usually reserved more for telling someone you love them and moving on.

That being said, a well placed peck along the neck line or ear lobe can very easily send the message that further kissing may be desired. With the proper usage a moment in the kitchen doing dishes, can easily turn into a full on kissing extravaganza, so do not discredit the peck as it sometimes wields unbelievable power when correctly implemented.

Now that we have covered the basics of kissing, here’s the good stuff. Taking it back to the first approach described above, these next few paragraphs will help you take your romantic kissing from “eh” to “WOWIE-WOW-WOW-WOW!!” So sharpen your pencils, get out your Etcha-Sketch, fire up your Blackberry, whatever you need to do to remember these tips, start doing them.

The First Romantic Kiss

Many a relationship have been made or broken in this moment. The flowers, the dinner, the show, they great conversation, the hot dress, the new tie, those things can all help get you to this point, but from here on out, it is your kiss that will define the moment. You don’t want to move to fast, but you don’t want to move to slow either. By following the steps outlined above to get you in position to lock lips, here is where you go from that point.

As you move in close for the kiss, take not of which way the other person is tilting their head and tilt yours the opposite direction. This will save your noses from bumping into each other and the embarrassment that might break up the moment.

When you feel your lips touch theirs, go softly and try to match the pressures they are giving you. If you go in too soft, it will seem as though you are not really interested. If you go in to hard, it will seem you’re overly aggressive. Either message is not conducive to encouraging further kissing and your first kiss may be your last with that person, so striking the right balance gentleness and passion needs to be key.

A few soft, alternating smooches will do you right here. If the tongue should come into play later, we’ll deal with that momentarily, but the first kiss should just be a light, soft, “Hey I like you!” moment. Some people will tell you to focus on either the upper or lower lip, but it is best to relax and not over think it. The first kiss is one of the most nerve-racking points to get to, so trying to remember everything you’ve ever heard about doing it right while you’re in the moment may be more of a detriment than an aid.

After a few seconds, pull away slightly and open your eyes. If it was a good one, smile to let them know 1) you liked it and 2) you may be ready for another. A lot will depend on the participants, their culture and beliefs on the subject, but if it was good, feel free to take advantage of the moment and go back for seconds. Depending on the moment and people involved it may lead to our next kiss, the Granddaddy of ‘Em All, the French Kiss.

The French Kiss

So this is the one that helped make Hollywood famous. The kiss to end all kisses. The most romantic kiss known to man, and although I usually only reserve giving credit to France for the Statue of Liberty, Pepe Le Pew, and a delicious way to slice and cook potatoes, they really hit a homerun when they invented this one. The French kiss is where the tongue becomes involved in the art of kissing, as well as where many people fall short of becoming legendary kissers. So where to begin?

If the French kiss is your desired goal, a great time to give it a shot is after that first romantic kiss when you pull away slightly, make eye contact and smile at the other person. If you both find round two is on the docket, moving in with a similar approach, reconnect your lips in a similar fashion to the first one, and slightly use your tongue to caress their lips. If they are interested in a French kiss as well, this is their green light to move their tongue to yours.

Avoiding Mistakes

Now here is where rookie kissers or just plain bad ones drop the ball. If you go in with your tongue like Godzilla’s first trip through Tokyo, you might as well shake hands and call it a night.

Although many kisses grow in passion and strength as they go, using too much tongue is a common downfall of kissers around the world. Even if you have been blessed with a tongue like Gene Simmons, sticking it down someone else’s throat is not cool. As with the romantic first kiss, gentleness is the name of the game here.

The French kiss should be playful, so as your lips are locked with the other person, run your tongue along the side of theirs, and then move it over to the other side and repeat this step as needed. Be careful not to stick your tongue too far in. A good rule to abide by is just use the tip of your tongue to tantalize your partner’s tongue. French kisses can be either long or short, and the length of the kiss should be gauged on the other person’s interaction and desire as well.

Moisture

Another thing to keep in mind is the amount of moisture each person has. Mouths are wet. That is just a fact of life, and whereas nobody wants to kiss a dry mouth, they also do not want to feel like their kissing a puddle either. A trick to combat this is to swallow once before you go into kiss someone. This will remove most of the extra moisture from your mouth, while leaving an ample amount so your mouth is not left feeling dry.

After a good French kiss, the best way to finish it off is with a small, romantic smooch just like the first kiss mentioned above. It is a good way to bookend a knock-out French kiss, starting off and ending up with something soft and sweet. Of course if the other person follows up with an exasperated “WOW!” you’ll also know you did well.

Add-ons for More Pleasure

Much like anything else in life, there are other little things you can do to add to the kiss. Simply placing your hand on the face of the person your kissing adds a nice touch to a good romantic kiss. The more skin that is in contact with each other, the more intimate the moment. Now this is not a ploy to strip down and test this theory, as it has already been proven by science, however; to kick a kiss up a notch, caressing of an arm or cheek with one’s hand will increase the intimacy of the moment, thus increasing the passion of the kiss.

The embrace is another great add on for laying on a passionate smooch. Holding your special someone close to you while you are engaged in a long, lusty kiss is just another thing you can do to kick your kissing prowess up a notch. In reality, whereas kissing is the main attraction when it comes to romance, there are a number of other things you can do to help in supporting roles to the kiss.

Now if you find yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum being the good kisser to someone who may not have learned as well as you, there is still hope. Just because someone is not a good kisser today, does not mean they’re not able to become a great kisser with a little help, and some much needed practice. Here are some of the common issues you might run into with a less experienced kisser, as well as how to overcome them.

Too Slobbery

If you haven’t been there, be grateful, but for those of you who have kissed a slobbery kisser, you understand the frustration that may cause. Nothing kills romance like wrapping up a sloppy kiss and then needing to wipe your mouth on your sleeve like a cowboy after a bit spit of chaw.

This usually is the case for those who are going way too fast in their kissing and because of that are producing an excess amount of saliva which they are sharing with you in the process of kissing. The good news is if these individuals can be reeled in a little bit, they can turn their kissing around and become more of a good kisser and less of a St. Bernard.

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First take the lead with these individuals, and try to kiss slower yourself to get them to take the hint. In some cases this works great and nothing else needs to be said. For those who don’t take hints very well, tactfully telling them to slow down will get your message across as well. If you start off with something playful like, “Easy there.” Or “Where’s the fire?” might cause them to ask what’s wrong at which point you can tell them you love them, but that you really love when they kiss you slowly and softly.

Too Much Tongue

This is another common issue with bad kissers. Somewhere along the line, they equated great kissing with using as much tongue as possible. Not sure where people picked up this idea, but it could not be further from the truth. Remember, kissing someone is supposed to be fun and playful, but having someone check your dental work on your back teeth somewhat negates that. With these individuals it is also important to let them know the error of their ways.

Tact is Key It is also important to keep in mind that anytime you are correcting someone on something a intimate as kissing, a great deal of tact should be employed as you do not want to hurt them. If you are too blunt in your approach, it will be taken as a personal attack, and the kissing session will abruptly come to an end. If approached tactfully, most of these conversations will result in better kissing partners, and a greater level of trust between the two of you.

There are also issues that take away from kissing that may not be an issue with technique. Below are a couple different challenges people may face when looking to become great kissers, and a few suggestions on how to overcome them.

Bad Breath

Unfortunately, not everyone’s breath smells of unicorns and rainbows, and if you happen to be kissing someone who falls into the less than stellar breath category, sadly there are only two options. You can either deal with the bad breath and count it up to “the things you do for love”, or tell them so they can begin working to fix the issue. Although the former is admirable, the latter is the far better option for both parties involved.

Whether it be mints, gum, additional rounds of brushing their teeth, no measure should be off the table when trying to resolve the issue of bad breath. Even if someone is a phenomenal kisser, bad breath can greatly take away from the experience, so it is better to address it early on.

Major Height Differences

Depending on the difference in height, kissing someone at the opposite end of the spectrum may be a bit of a challenge, but it can be done. Kissing while laying on the couch together or while sitting down may alleviate some of the difference. Just know when standing, kissing for long periods of time may place undue strain on those having to bend down or lean up, so short sweet kisses may be more enjoyable than long drawn out ones.

Taller men can sit their shorter women on something such as a washer or dryer, or perhaps a counter top to help shorten the difference in height, or they could sit down while their woman stands if that would help. This isn’t just limited to tall men and short women, as sometimes the rolls are reversed. Don’t let a difference in height keep you from a passionate kiss though. Just be cognizant of your surroundings and use what is available to even the odds so to speak.

The Language of Love

Ultimately, the well-performed kiss is truly the language of love. Most of us weren’t born great kissers and probably have a story or two of how we learned not to do it. The great news is that with a little practice and a good kissing partner to work with, becoming a great kisser is something we all can achieve with a bit of work. The coolest thing about learning to become a great kisser is that it may be one of the most fun things we may ever learn.

So the next time you have the opportunity to practice up, or impress that certain someone you love, follow the steps discussed above and get after it. Make sure your lips are in good kissing order; determine your approach, and then following through with laying on one of the best kisses of your life. You do that, and it will be the first of many. Good luck!

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:29.
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