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How to Kiss a Girl

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A kiss is no simple deed. It is one of the most important physical acts that humans can engage in with one another. A single kiss can communicate a thousand different emotions all at once. The kiss is a rite of passage in many cultures. The willingness to find someone to kiss is a signal that you are ready to move past your childhood and venture into a sexual awakening.

How exactly do you achieve that all important kiss? The answer might seem simple since all you have to do is pucker up and meet lips. The truth of it is that there are several obstacles to overcome before you are even ready to think about planting a smooch on your crush.

What is a Kiss?

A kiss is the act of touching your lips to the lips of another person. Of course, it does go much deeper than that. A kiss is the recognition of our attraction to someone else. A kiss shows ours emotions, our physical desire, our ability to connect. It is far more than touching lips.

The meaning of a kiss is that what you put into it. Kissing your mom goodbye is an act that lets her know you love her and want to see her again. Kissing your date under the gentle glow of the moonlight lets her know that you want to make an intimate connection and that you find her attractive.

Kissing can be seen in every aspect of history, art, and culture. People use a kiss for a variety of actions and emotions. Visitors to the Blarney Stone will kiss it for luck. Joan of Arc was known to kiss her blade before a battle. Religious leaders often kiss crucifixes and other idols as a sign of their devotion. Gentlemen will kiss a lady’s hands as a sign of reverence. There is no such thing as a simple kiss.

Kissing as a Form of Communication

What a kiss really comes down to is communication. Sure, you are going to talk to the girl telling jokes or offering astute observations of your surroundings you may even hold her hand but it is the kiss that will speak directly to her. A kiss is a dialogue between two people.

With that in mind we must then consider what language that dialogue is spoken. It is a soft and gentle language that should not be rushed or taken for granted. Approach a kiss as you would any discussion slowly at first building up the topic until you are both exchanging emotions and thoughts.

The dialogue should be shared. Never dominate the dialogue but allow the girl to speak as well. A kiss should be curious and probing allowing both parties to enjoy it, to add to it, to build upon it.

Your lips should be soft and inviting, your breath slow and rhythmic. As with a conversation there should be pauses, spaces to breath, and places to form a deeper connection. A kiss has what meaning you put into it.

Why We Kiss

Below is a list of why we kiss:

  • Intimacy
  • Goodbyes
  • Greetings
  • Appreciation
  • Forming a physical bond (mothers kissing their babies)

Types of Kisses

So, how do you know if the kiss you want to give is the kiss you mean to give? Below are only a few examples of types of kisses and their meanings.

Peck

The peck on either the cheek or the lips is a casual and quick affair. Often left for family members a peck can also be used on that crush. Giving a girl a quick peck on the lips is a great way to show that you are not afraid of intimacy but you may not be quite ready just yet.

It can even communicate how sensitive you are about the girl’s needs and desires. Maybe you are ready to move the relationship along but your crush is not. Most importantly, a peck is a great way to say that you are interested, attracted, and willing to try new things.

French Kiss

This is the kiss that sets hearts fluttering and ties the stomach in knots. The French kiss is dramatic, romantic, and full of passion. This is the kiss that said goodbye to Ilsa on that dark runway in “Casablanca” and the kiss that says hello to a long lost lover.

The French kiss involves using your tongue. You do not simply jam your tongue inside your partner’s mouth but gently and almost timidly place in first on her lips then outward to meet her tongue. This type of kiss, to many, is the pinnacle of kisses. In it is all the raw passion and unsaid attraction that you have ever felt for your partner.

The Lingering Kiss

The lingering kiss is a romantic slow kiss that is used to excite the senses and awaken desire. The kiss starts slowly and cautiously but then lingers for a few seconds. Usually this kiss starts on the cheek and makes it way very slowly to the lips. You may part and then meet the lips again and for the bold a few quick passes with your tongue can also be employed.

Woodpecker

This is a fantastic kiss if you want to show her that you are interested but do not want to risk becoming a slave to hormones. This kiss is just what it sounds like; several kisses in rapid succession. This kiss is playful and light and perfect for couples just getting together.

Kissing is a diverse art form where it is usually smarter to go with your instinct then with a rigid set of guidelines. Be mindful of why you are kissing, what the circumstances are, and where your comfort level and her comfort level are at.

Human beings have been kissing one another since the time of our ancestors and will continue to kiss for as long as we live. Kissing is how we communicate a well-spring of emotions and information to one another. Kissing a girl is a far cry from kissing your grandma or your little sister so it is important to know how to get to that point where a kiss is even possible.

Building up to the Kiss

Kissing is best done in a private and intimate setting. Many choose a date for that all important first kiss. If you plan to kiss your date you need to take a few moments to prepare before you even get to the point where a kiss is possible.

Hygiene

Hygiene is crucial. No one is going to want to kiss someone with bad breath or someone that has not showered in a week. It is a generally a good idea to keep a good personal hygiene routine in the first place but if you do not, now is the time to start. Shower and shave every day and brush your teeth at least twice a day. You want to smell good and look your best especially if you want to ask a girl out.

Girls will respond positively to a boy that is clean and smells nice. No one wants to be around someone that smells bad and they certainly do not want to kiss someone that smells. Many believe that the kiss evolved from our ancient ancestors who would nuzzle their noses together using their sense of smell as a form of recognition.

They recognized each other through scent. This also served to select mates and weed out suitors with potential health issues. A bad smell usually meant that there was something wrong with the potential mate. This mode of thought carried over through the eons into the modern era and is now ingrained in our psyche.

To make sure you do not scare off your crush make sure to carry some breath mints and make sure to take one after eating dinner. It is not recommended that you offer your date a mint as this could be interpreted poorly and will often only serve to offend.

Atmosphere

The mood and ambiance will be your greatest ally or your worst enemy. If you are planning to kiss your date for the first time you do not want it to take place in a noisy and crowded room. So, a concert is generally out of the question unless you plan to kiss her afterwards on the way home or at her door step.

Girls love romance but do not break your back to make the moment magical. Remember, keep it simple and sincere. An evening walk around a lake is better than an overly manufactured moment where all you do is stress about keeping everything perfect.


You want to make that kiss appear spontaneous and sincere not something that dominates the center stage of the date. It is more important to spend time with your date then trying to squeeze in a kiss.

Keep the atmosphere simple and romantic.

Romantic and simple dates can include:

  • A walk on the beach
  • A cup of coffee or tea at a small intimate bistro
  • A quiet dinner
  • A movie
  • Stargazing
  • Feeding the ducks
  • A museum tour

The biggest obstacle faced by every would-be kisser is timing. Timing can destroy all your efforts with hygiene and your attempts at creating a romantic atmosphere.

Knowing When the Time is Right

This is perhaps the most difficult part of kissing. Timing is everything. Timing can make that special moment a horribly awkward affair leaving you and your date feeling embarrassed and confused. On the other hand getting your timing right can make that special moment all the more memorable.

The key is to properly read the signs and body language of your date to determine when the time is right. Personal space is very important and violating that space raises alarms and shuts people down if you are not welcomed.

In order to make sure that you are going to be welcomed in your date’s personal space you will first need to put her at ease. The atmosphere will help in this venture. When you sit down with your date you will want to sit close but not too close.

The distance can be difficult to gauge but as a rule of thumb sit far enough away that you do not elbow your date in the ribs but where you can easily stretch out and wrap an arm around her shoulders. If you get bold you can even invite her to lay her head down on your shoulder or to cuddle up close against you. If she is willing to do this then go ahead and move in for that kiss.

It is important to create a relaxed mood where you both can talk and connect easily. Make eye contact, touch her hair or her arm and gauge her reaction. If she is receptive then she may be ready for that kiss. Signs that the time is right:

  • Flirting
  • Cuddling
  • Smiling
  • Eye contact
  • Touching

Remember, that your date might be nervous about kissing and while the time is right, the atmosphere set, and your breath pristine, she might not be ready just yet.

Take your time and be understanding. To a girl being compassionate is one of the most attractive qualities a guy can have with or without kissing.

The Big Kiss

First, take a deep breath and relax. You have been preparing for this, thinking about it, dreaming of it for as long as you can remember and the time is very nearly at hand. The kiss; the moment where you touch your lips to the lips of your date is something you are going to remember for years to come. Sure, it is stressful and yes it is a pretty important milestone but that does not mean you cannot relax and enjoy yourself.

the big moment of the first kiss

As the moment approaches quickly check to make sure everything is right. Ask yourself some quick questions:

  • Is she enjoying herself?
  • Is she relaxed?
  • Is she responding to your flirting?
  • Is your breath fresh?
  • Are your lips too dry?
  • Is she laughing at your jokes?
  • Do you feel ready?

If you believe that the time is right and you are ready to kiss her then go for it. Girls are attracted to confident guys. Even if you do not exactly know what you are doing at least act like you do. You will find that the girl will be more comfortable especially if she is nervous as long as you at least act brave.

There are many ways to approach her for a kiss but the most basic way is pretty straightforward and will serve until you develop your own method. This first kiss will not be your last and you will certainly have plenty of opportunities to develop your own method.

As you are sitting next to your date telling jokes or making witty observations brush her hair back from her face. Look her in the eyes and smile gently. You can touch her cheek or her arm drawing her close to you. Place a hand on her cheek softly and move in opening your mouth very slightly. Meet her lips gently making sure you do not press against them too hard.

At this point you might want to be bold and use your tongue or kiss her multiple times. Make sure to be receptive to what she wants and do not force the kiss.

The Finer Points of the Kiss

Kissing is an art and not everyone is going to master it right away. Even Romeo and Juliet had to kiss a few times before perfecting their smooches. It is natural to feel that your kiss was inadequate or just bad. If she kisses you back that is a pretty good indication that your kiss was not entirely bad. As you are kissing her you might feel as if the rest of your body not attached to her lips is floundering about helplessly.

What to do with your hands?

Your hands should be in a comfortable place. If she moves them while you kiss there is no reason to worry or feel bad just allow her to move them and keep on kissing. For a first kiss you generally want to keep your hands in sight. Place a hand on her cheek, or in her hair. Run a hand down her arms or her back or you can even place a hand on her knee. Try not to move your hands too much as it can become distracting. Girls loved to be touched softly and it serves to enhance the moment. Experiment to see what works and what is comfortable for you both.

What to do with your eyes?

Kissing is usually done with your eyes closed. This is because the act is a tender and intimate one and closing your eyes helps to shut out the world allowing you to focus only on your date. Usually the only time you are going to open your eyes while kissing is when you and your date break apart to share a smile or nervous giggle.

Some people keep their eyes open during a kiss. This does not mean that they are not enjoying themselves it is just what they are accustomed to do. There may come a time when you open your eyes just for curiosity sake only to find your date staring back at you.

These moments are often funny and provide a good natured laugh. What to do with the rest of your body?

Keep your body relaxed and open. Stay close to your partner without sitting right in her lap. Sometimes it is necessary to forsake comfort for the moment. If your date is comfortable then that is usually enough. Shift if you need to but try to keep up the moment.

kissing the right way

What to do about glasses?

It is not unusual for glasses to get tangled up while kissing. This happens if you both are wearing glasses or if she has long hair. The best way to deal with glasses is to remove them all together. You can gently take off her glasses as long as she allows it. Sometimes the glasses are a physical manifestation of emotional barriers and she may not be ready to let you close enough in that sense. If that is the case just be careful and if you do happen to bump her glasses then just laugh about it. That might be a great way to relax.

After the kiss when you are feeling giddy and alive you can hold or cuddle your date. Stroke her hair and talk to her gently. Talk to her about your feelings and what you hope to gain from the experience. Do you want to be in a relationship now? Do you want to get to know her better? Or, if the moment dictates, simply sit together and enjoy the silence.

Kissing Etiquette

As with all things in life there is a certain etiquette that must be followed. This kissing etiquette will put the girl at ease and create a more relaxed atmosphere. Being mindful of this etiquette will also make you appear sensitive and understanding which will make you more attractive to the opposite sex and improve your chances at a second or third kiss.

Kissing Do’s

  • Take is slow
  • Use your tongue sparingly if at all. Usually you will want to build up to the full force of a French kiss.
  • Keep your lips moist
  • Have good breath
  • Be gentle
  • Be attentive
  • If she does not want to kiss then do not kiss her

Kissing Don’ts

  • Do not rush into the kiss
  • Do not be forceful
  • Do not badger her for a kiss
  • Do not keep your lips too wet
  • Do not be abrasive
  • Do not kiss her if she does not want to kiss

One Bad Kiss Isn’t the End of the World

A bad kiss is a hard topic to talk about but it does happen and warrants some discussion. A bad kiss is a bad kiss and there is not much you can do to change that. A bad kiss happens to everyone and does not mean that you are destined to be a poor kisser for the rest of your life. There could be a number of reasons and factors that contribute to a bad kiss.

Perhaps you had the timing wrong and your date was just not ready for that kiss. Catching your date off guard with an unexpected kiss will only create tension and effectively shuts her down from any further contact. Now, this could ruin the date and any future chances if you handle a bad kiss improperly. While it is not a fun thought you will need to at least have some idea of how to handle a bad kiss.

How you handle that one bad kiss is just as important as the actions leading up to it. When you come away from the kiss that you know is bad do not immediately apologize and certainly do not act angry. Sure, you might be angry with yourself but you do not want to reveal that to your date. Instead, ask her if she wants to go for a walk or out for coffee. The idea is to avoid lingering on the thought of that kissing misstep.

If you are feeling brave and if she is receptive try to kiss her again. Sometimes a second chance is all you need to get the kiss right. Many girls are understanding especially if they like you and will be more than willing to let you have a do-over.

Of course it is entirely feasible that your technique is the reason for your kissing failure. If this is the case you simply need to evaluate your kiss and see where you went wrong.

Bad Kisses Exposed

Listed here are several examples of poor kissing techniques that should be avoided at all costs.

Chicken Pecker

This kiss is just plain annoying. As the name suggests this technique involves pecking at the lips like a chicken looking for feed in the yard. This kiss just makes no sense and seems to contradict itself. Do you want to kiss or not? The pecks are not only quick and annoying but are often hard and take the girl unaware.

I Will Eat Your Face

Intimidating and messy, this technique happens when you open your mouth far too wide. It results in half of your dates face in your mouth ruining any hopes of a sweet romantic kiss. This kiss often leaves the girl confused and covered in saliva.

Smoking and Non-Smoking

Do not kiss a girl if you smoke without first brushing your teeth or eating a handful of mints. There is nothing that turns a girl’s stomach like kissing an ashtray. The rest of the date might have gone perfectly but if you kiss your date tasting like smoke and ash the whole evening is ruined.

Breathe!

Not everyone can hold their breath for long stretches of time. A kiss that runs too long becomes a bad kiss. Remember to come up for air once in a while.

Practice makes perfect when it comes to kissing. A good kiss is one that is gentle, soft, and receptive.

A Final Thought

The art of kissing a girl takes time to master like any other artistic venture. It is far more than meeting lips and tongues, kissing is about finding yourself and venturing outside of your comfort zone. It is about growing up. Kissing a girl is an adventure. You have to prepare for it, plan for it, and then do it.

Like all adventures, however, there are times when spontaneity is needed so never be afraid to seize upon those accidental perfect moments. Use your kiss to communicate how you feel about the girl. Be kind and gentle, respectful of her wishes. Your lips should be inviting and your actions gentle.

Try to remember these points:

  • Create a relaxing atmosphere
  • Be aware of her level of comfort
  • Take it slow
  • Keep your lips soft and partially open
  • Keep the first kiss short

Kissing a girl is a rite of passage that everyone must overcome. While it might seem scary or even impossible kissing is something that everyone does. Just remember to be calm, attentive, and gentle.

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:30.
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