How to Attract a Guy's Attention
If you like a guy, the first step toward building a possible romantic relationship with him is to get him to notice you. To get him to notice you, you must do, wear, or say something to catch his eye. This doesn't mean you have to juggle flaming knives, dress like a hooker, or sing Don Giovanni arias at the top of your lungs. It simply means you must find a way to turn his gaze in your direction.
Here are some ideas:
Dress to impress
If a man sees two women on the street, one in a skirt and heels and the other in a baggy gray sweat suit, chances are his eyes will linger longer on the skirted woman. Attractive women wear sweats all the time, of course, but for your initial meeting, you want him to see you looking polished and spectacular.
Caveat: If skirts make you uncomfortable or high heels make you hobble, choose something else flirty and/or sexy from your closet. A fitted blouse, flowing sun dress, or hip-hugging pair of jeans can also do the trick. The goal is to look great and feel comfortable at the same time. When you look and feel good, you naturally make a better impression.
Every guy has his own idea about what makes a woman attractive. You don't have to break the bank buying clothes and makeup from a fashion magazine just to turn a guy's head. You simply must be yourself, with a little pizzazz. Try one or more of these 10 inexpensive ideas:
- Bright red nail polish. Use it on your fingers and toes. If you don't like red, any other hue will do.
- Stiletto heels. If you're afraid of heights, try a pair of cute kitten heels instead.
- Wild, tousled hair. Instead of spraying and styling your hair as usual, scrunch it with a little gel and let it fly wherever it wants. Your jaw clips, barrettes, and rubber bands can have the day off.
- A short skirt. Wear it above or below the knee. Stockings are optional.
- A low-cut blouse. Give him a hint of cleavage, but not too much. It's better to make him wonder what you're hiding under there.
- A simple sun dress. Guys can't resist the timeless simplicity of a pretty, flowing skirt and bared arms.
- Black. Whether it's a sleek pair of pants, a satiny top, or a snazzy little night club number, stunning black flatters every figure.
- Red. Just a dab will do. Try red shoes, a red scarf, or a pair of dangling red earrings for a splash of excitement.
- Lip color. Men are biologically programmed to get turned on by the sight of a woman's lips. A scientific study at Manchester University found that red lipstick attracts more men than any other shade.
- Smoky eyes. Smudge brown or black eye liner above your upper lashes for a hot, smoldering look.
Show some skin
If a man sees two women on the street, one in a high-necked sweater the other in a low-cut blouse, chances are his eyes will linger longer on the woman showing some skin. This doesn't mean you should feel obligated to cavort around the neighborhood in your bikini just to get a date. Although a little bit of bared flesh will catch a man's eye, a lot of naked skin might cause him to make a snap judgement about your character. According to Dr. Colin Hendrie from the University of Leeds, a woman should bare no more than 40% of her skin to capture a man's attention.
Caveat: If all you're after is sex, the bikini approach might work very well for you. But if your goal is to gain the lasting interest and respect of a man, find a happy medium between a prudish, high-necked jump suit and a skimpy, tell-all bikini. If you're not sure how to bare skin without looking like a tramp, try these subtle ideas:
- A button-down blouse. Leave the top 2 buttons open and you'll stay in the safe-yet-enticing zone. Or, wear a tight tank beneath your blouse and leave almost every button suggestively undone.
- A sleeveless shirt or dress. Going sleeveless is a great way to show off your arms and chest. A sleeveless dress displays the skin on your arms, legs, and bosom all at once.
- A skirt. If you're under 35, it's OK for your skirt to climb above your knees, according to TLC's What Not To Wear stars Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. If you're over 35, a skirt that hangs just below your knees is more appropriate, according to these fashion experts.
- Strappy shoes. Extend the length of your legs by going sockless and showing a little foot skin. Complete the look with the red-hot nail polish mentioned above.
Don't be shy
If you consider yourself to be inherently shy, you're not alone. According to Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, Director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast, approximately half of all adults consider themselves to be shy. If you're a member of this reserved population, try not to let your shy demeanor get in the way of your dating dreams. When you meet a guy you like for the first time, force yourself say or do something that will grab his attention. It might take a little more effort for you to reach out, but keep your eyes on the prize: a possible relationship with Mr. Wonderful.
<p>Here are 8 easy icebreakers to try:
- "Hi." Simple yet profound, this friendly remark just might get your foot in the doorway of his heart.
- "How are you?" This icebreaker is a little more complex than "Hi" in that it requires him to respond. Once he answers, tailor your conversation to suit your surroundings. If you're in the middle of a busy shopping mall in late December, try, "Are you ready for the holidays?" If you're sipping margaritas at a hot summer barbecue, consider, "I just love this humid weather. How about you?".
- "What did you think of ___?" If the two of you are students at the same school, talk about your teachers. If you're coworkers, discuss your shared place of employment. Find a common interest and ask his opinion on something you can both relate to. Most guys, like most people, jump at the chance to talk about themselves.
- "What do you recommend?" If you're at a bar, ask him what he's drinking, or what he recommends. If you're in the butcher shop in search of sirloin, solicit his opinion of the best meat cuts. He'll appreciate the chance to show off his knowledge and expertise.
- "Do you know what time it is?" If you're already wearing a watch, try, "Do you know what time this book store closes?" Follow up with a comment about the book in his hand, such as, "Is that book any good? I'd love to see the movie. I just love movies!"
- "Can you help me find ___?" Maybe you're at the hardware store and you can't find the nuts and bolts section. Maybe you're a distressed damsel at the grocery store, in desperate need of a jar of Nutella. By asking him to help you find something, you get to have a little conversation, and he gets to feel useful.
- "That's a cool cell phone/iPad/laptop." If he's proud of his technology — and most men are — he won't mind taking a few minutes to expound upon his high-end purchase. Keep your eyes seductively fixed on your guy and listen with mesmerized interest.
- No words. Sometimes, you don't have to say anything at all. Let him catch you staring at him, then glance away shyly. Give him a coy smile, a meaningful look, or an eyebrow raise. If the chemistry is right, he'll catch your drift without you having to say a single word.
When you flirt with a guy, you take a slight personal risk: he might reject you. If you don't flirt or even make eye contact, however, scientific research suggests that he'll fail to think much about you afterward. According to a 2010 study reported in Applied Cognitive Psychology, men can recall with great detail the amount of attraction and/or rejection they think a woman feels for them upon their first meeting. In other words, in order for him to be interested in you, you must act like you're interested in him. <p>Whether you flirt with a smile, a laugh, a comment, or a light touch, you implant a positive memory of yourself into a man's brain for later recall. If you appear disinterested in him, however, be it through a slack expression, an inadvertent scowl, a frown, or a yawn, you also implant a memory - a memory of rejection. Be aware of what your body language is saying, and do your best to flatter your crush with your words or actions. Later, when he's reviewing his experiences of the day, he'll surely think of you.
How to Get a Guy to Remember You
Getting a guy to notice you is one thing. Getting him to remember you is quite another. Human beings take in thousands of details and data bytes every day. If you want to get somewhere with the guy of your dreams, you've got to take it to the next level: you've got to get him to remember you.
Maybe he'll think of you later in the evening, when he's brushing his teeth, lying in bed, or even just watching TV. Maybe you'll make a guest appearance in his dreams. However it happens, you definitely want him to recall your face and think, "Hey, that girl was pretty awesome. I'd like to see her again!"
Here are some tips on how to get him not only to notice you, but to remember you later:
- Appear happy. There's a wise old adage that says, "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone." As a general rule, people are naturally drawn to positive, happy people, and repelled by negative folks. It's just human nature. Even if you're not in the best of moods when you see your crush, force the corners of your mouth to turn upward. Think pleasant thoughts. If necessary, practice these expressions in a mirror. Many people do not realize it when they are frowning or scowling, but an inadvertent negative facial expression could be a definite turnoff for a potential love interest.
- Appear available. One of the questions that flashes through a guy's mind when he meets an interesting female is, "Is she single?" Find a way to convey the fact that you are indeed available. Unless you're bold enough to waltz right up to him and say, "I'm not taken, and you're quite hot. I'd like you to ask me out," this might be tricker than it seems.
Suppose you run into your crush while hanging at the mall with your brother/guy pal/gay boy friend. Your immediate task is to quickly think of something to do or say that lets him know your male sidekick is not your lover. If you're with your brother, for example, you could loudly exclaim, "Oh Peter, what would Mom say if she knew you wanted to sleep with that Victoria Secret girl?" If you're with a guy pal, you could point dramatically into the distance and yell, "Look, Matt! The chick you've been drooling over is perusing the Proactiv kiosk! Ask her out! Ask her out right now!"
Don't assume your crush knows you're available. If he thinks you're attractive, he may assume just the opposite. If you're feeling sassy, you might try the blunt approach by saying, "I sure am tired of spending my Friday nights alone. Wish I had someone handsome like you in my life." If you're more on the shy side, try saying something like, "I hear the Harry Potter films are good, but I wouldn't know. I haven't been to a movie in ages!" </li>
- Get in his face. Guys are visual creatures. If you want a guy to remember you, give him a visual for later reference.
<p>One option is to put yourself directly in his line of sight. If he's staring out the window, strut on over and strike a pose in front of that window. If he's watching TV, block the screen and make a move like you're going to change the channel. When he makes a fuss, smile cutely, wink, and say, "Just kidding!"
If he's not looking in your direction, find a creative way to draw attention to yourself. If he's talking to his friends, find an excuse to interrupt the conversation. A question like, "Hey, do you guys know where my friends and I can find a good beer and a burger?" is sure get him thinking about you.
If he's actually looking at you, do something memorable for him to recall later on. Bat your eyes, flutter your lashes, or even lick your lips. If the opportunity presents itself, make physical contact. Whether it's a light touch of the hand or a hearty thump on the back, he'll remember you later, especially if the two of you have physical chemistry brewing.
- Compliment him. Guys want to feel attractive, competent,intelligent, and useful. One of the best ways to weasel your way into his long term memory is to grace him with a compliment. An easy way to flatter a guy is to make a positive comment about his appearance. Perhaps you like his hair style, his taste in clothes, or his sexy cologne. Tell him so.
Guys also love to feel competent. Ask him about his career, and tell him how much you admire what he does for a living. If he's musical, tell him how much you'd love to hear his singing voice, since his speaking voice is so gorgeous. If he's a tech junkie, have him explain the difference between a wireless router and 3G Internet, then flash him a look of utter amazement and awe. If he likes to cook, tell him you bet he makes a mean lobster bisque - hint, hint.Give him random, startling compliments about his clean fingernails, his sexy jowls, his cute knee caps, or even his long, lustrous eye lashes. It really doesn't matter what you say to you flatter him, as long as you say it with sincerity. He'll be glowing on the inside, and perhaps on the outside, too. And he'll remember you.
How to Avoid Making a Negative Impression
You know you're awesome, but the dream guy you just met doesn't know that. If he's a pessimistic person, he may be supersensitive to a potential lover's potential flaws. For example, if he's just gotten out of a bad relationship with Psycho-Emo Lady from Hell, he may react negatively to any strong display of emotion on your part. There are several guy-specific things you can do to avoid making a negative first impression. Here they are:
- Don't be clingy. Most guys, unless they have emotional issues of their own, don't want a woman who is needy, clingy, or emotionally dependent. Instead of smothering him with too much attention, give him just a little bit of yourself, then step away. It's always better to leave him wanting more.
- Don't be arrogant. You want to appear cool and self-confident, but don't go overboard. For example, if you just scored a 45 on your MCAT, go ahead and tell him about it, but avoid making haughty comments like, "Yeah, with an IQ like mine, I can get just about anything I want in this life." Don't say that. You won't get him.
- Don't be easy. If you make it obvious that you're a sure thing, he won't be challenged, and he will probably be turned off. One-night stands are called "one-night" for a reason; they rarely evolve into anything more. Give him just a dash of flirting, then back down. You don't want to overwhelm him with something he's not even sure he wants.
- Don't flirt with every guy in sight. If you flirt with every guy in the room, he won't feel special. Furthermore, he'll doubt your feelings for him are genuine, and he may even form the impression that you're a slut or a cheater. Zero in on your special guy and flirt with him, and him alone.
- Don't be catty. If you're alone with your crush and all you can say are things like, "Angela's hair looked really stringy today!" and, "Did you notice the large amount cellulite above Nicole's knee caps?", he'll think you're stuck up. Instead of putting other people down, show him what a kind, respectful person you are by saying nice things about other people. Do this without going overboard, of course. You also don't want him to think you're a suck-up.
- Don't self-deprecate. Most women are insecure about their looks, but if you broadcast these feelings to a potential mate, he might think you're fishing for compliments. Worse yet, he might decide to believe your self-hating remarks and conclude that he doesn't like you. Save comments like, "I hate my fat thighs!" for your gal pals. They're the only ones who want to hear you moan and groan about that stuff, anyway.
How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out
Congratulations! You've made it through the first 3 steps. Your dream guy noticed you. He remembered you later. You made a good impression, and the two of you are friends. You're ready for him pop the big question. You're ready for him to ask you on a date.
Of course, you could always take the bull by the horns and ask him out yourself. You might save yourself a whole lot of sweat and anxiety that way. But if you prefer to go the traditional route and let him sit in the driver's seat, here are a few tips to try:
- Get him alone. He probably won't want to risk his reputation and pride by asking you out in front of other people. Find opportunities to be with him alone, or at least where no one else is around to overhear this most important conversation.
- Text or email him. By establishing an electronic rapport with your newfound friend, you give him ample opportunities to spring the dating question on you from the safety of his own computer or cell phone. Shy guys will be grateful for the opportunity to ask you out in this non-threatening manner.
- Drop hints about things you'd like to do. If you love hanging out at Starbucks, or you're dying to go to the cinema to see the latest Ryan Reynolds film, mention these things to your crush. Hopefully, he'll take the bait and ask you to accompany him to one of these lovely establishments.
- Continue complimenting him. If he's insecure, he may doubt your affections, even if you've been quite obvious about your feelings for him. Some guys need things spelled out for them. Continue with the compliments, the eye contact, and the flirting until you feel you've exhausted every possible avenue of flattery. If he still doesn't ask you out, perhaps it's time to rethink the relationship.
How to Get Him to Like You - And Keep On Liking You
Dating can be stressful. You're auditioning him, and he's auditioning you, for the all-important job of life partner. Help him see what a good catch you are by following these tips:
- Don't be a nag. Even dream guys do annoying things, like leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to call at a certain time. If he does something that bothers you, decide if it's worth the stress of bringing it up. If it's an urgent issue, like he owes you a lot of money or constantly forgets to call you back, voice your concerns in a way that isn't condescending or overly emotional. If it's a minor issue, like he frequently forgets to turn off the bathroom light or put the cap back on the toothpaste, consider whether it's even worth mentioning. Guys are human. They don't like to be constantly reminded of their faults. If he equates being with you with uncomfortable, nit picky criticism, chances are he'll embark on a new search for a woman who isn't so critical.
- Don't try to change him. Accept him for who he is, and don't make him feel like he's your "fixer-upper" project. You can't change him, anyway. If your guy has a negative trait or bad habit that needs attention, allow him to come to that conclusion himself. And be prepared for the fact that he may never change.
- Don't stalk him. You may be curious about what your crush is doing when he's not with you, but don't try to satisfy this curiosity by driving by his house or stalking him online. If he suspects you're too clingy, needy, or jealous, he'll be turned off by you and perhaps seek refuge in the arms of a more confident woman.
- Do be yourself. Now, more than ever, you've got to be honest with him about who you are. If he's a sports fanatic and you don't know the difference between a touchdown and a home run, he needs to know that. If you're allergic to dogs and he's got 8 beagles in his apartment, he needs to know that, too. Don't be phony, and don't try to become the person you think he wants. A strategy like this only leads to disillusionment and unhappiness. Just be yourself and let fate determine if a romantic relationship is in the cards for the two of you.
7 Signs that He's Just Not Interested in You
If, after following all the above advice, you're still not seeing the results you want with your guy, it's time to consider the fact that maybe he's not really interested in you. No one wants to feel the sting of rejection, of course. But why waste your time on a guy who's not interested in you when you could be out there meeting hundreds of others who are?
If you're doubting his affections and he's being less than forthright, here are a few signs that he may not be romantically interested in you:
- He doesn't ask you out, or even spend much time with you. If you're doing all the flirting and he just sits there like a lump, watch out. He's giving you a passive sign that he's not interested. You're wasting precious time.
- He treats you like one of the guys. If you're not getting any special looks, flirts, or touches from him, it's time to consider the possibility that he thinks of you as a platonic friend only.
- He talks about other girls. If he's going to you for romantic advice, or regaling you with the stories of all his latest conquests, he's not interested in you romantically. He sees you as a gal pal, nothing more.
- He won't commit to his feelings about you. If you go out on a limb and tell him you love him, but he won't respond in kind, he probably doesn't love you back. He may string you along, giving you a tiny shred of hope here and there, but if he doesn't give you what you need, he's probably not genuinely interested in a relationship with you.
- He doesn't return your calls/emails/texts. A guy who is truly interested in you would want to keep the lines of communication open. If he's avoiding you, perhaps it's time for you to start avoiding him, too.
- You haven't been introduced to his friends or family. If he's not making the move to draw you closer into his life, it could be because he doesn't want to give you the wrong impression about his feelings for you, or because he doesn't see the need for you to meet them when you're really not that important to him.
- You think he's not interested. If you have a hunch that he's not interested in you, chances are you're right. A woman's intuition is a powerful thing. You may be picking up on subtle signs of disinterest that are difficult to explain in words. If you're not sure, ask a friend what he or she thinks about the situation. Or, if you're brave enough, ask the guy himself. He knows the answer to your questions about his feelings better than anyone else.
How to Deal if He's Not Into You
"Sorry, but I just don't feel that way about you." "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." "It's not you. It's me." No one wants hear these words of rejection, but they're a natural part of the dating process. Dating is a lot like going to the mall and trying on clothes. Some people aren't a good fit. Some people fit somewhat, but there's something about the match that isn't quite right. Only occasionally will you find a person who fits you perfectly, like a cozy bathrobe or a pair of favorite jeans.
If you've experienced romantic rejection, take time to nurture yourself and your broken heart. It may take months, or even years, for you to feel completely over him. Allow yourself to grieve, but be proactive in your struggle to heal. Until you reach a point where you are open to meeting other people, you may miss out some exciting opportunities.
To help mend your broken heart, try the following ideas:
- Express your feelings. Whether you confide in a friend, a family member, or a professional counselor, it helps to get your story - and your feelings - out in the open. If you don't feel comfortable talking to another person about it, try keeping a journal or finding an online support group where you can express your feelings in writing.
- Picture the worst. Imagine how your life would have turned out if you'd married this man who wasn't in love with you. Imagine an bland wedding day, a tense wedding night, and year after year of marital unhappiness. Imagine yourself filing for divorce, and the consequential heartache that would ensue for you, your family, and any potential children you might have.
- Find closure. You may not be able to move on until you let him know exactly how he hurt you and exactly what you think of him. Find a way to express these thoughts and emotions. Direct your tirade at him, either through a letter, an email, or in person. You don't have to actually present him with this treatise on your feelings, of course, but you can if you want to.
- Don't try to win him back. Many "dumped" women resolve to get a man back by improving themselves superficially, by losing weight, buying a whole new wardrobe, or some other drastic way. While it's great to focus on yourself and your goals, don't embark on a lofty personal renovation with the expectation that you can get him to change his mind about you. Ask yourself if you'd really want to spend life with a man who only loves you when you're a certain weight, or look a certain way. If you're in a healthy place, your answer to these questions will be a resounding "no".
- Get back in the saddle. When you're ready, try dating again. Remember the purpose of dating, and remind yourself of the fact that most dating relationships ultimately fail. The only romantic relationship you will ultimately keep is the relationship you develop with your life partner. Until you find him, it's all about discovering yourself and having fun.