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How to Talk to a Girl

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Talk to a Girl the Way She Wants You To

Talking to a girl isn't easy, especially if it's a girl that you really like. You can get tongue tied and mess up, and then become shy about ever talking to her again.

There are lots of things that you need to know about women before you talk to a girl for the first time, and hopefully this will be able to help you understand how the female mind works a little more. This can make it easier for you to talk to the girl that you are wanting to take interest in you.

When to Talk to Her

Picking the right time to talk to a woman is one of the most important things that you can do. Most girls have a lot going on in their lives no matter how old they are.

There are always things going on like school, work, spending time with friends, and other things that a girl constantly has on her mind. Even when a girl is taking time to relax, she is thinking about these things because they are important to her.

If you've decided that you really want to talk to her, it's best to pick a time when she is less likely to be busy. Finding this time can be a difficult task because of all the things that she has going on. It's best to pick a time in the early to mid evening on a weeknight to have a conversation with her.

This usually works well because she has had time to decompress from work or school and usually won't have plans to go out with her friends.

Be Considerate Upfront

Start your conversation by simply asking her if it is an alright time for you to talk to her. Women really respect this, because it shows that you are concerned with the things that are going on in her life. Without you even knowing it, you are letting her know that you know she has things going on that makes her life busy.

She will love the fact that you are showing up front that you know she is important. Even though it may not be something big to you, it will mean everything to her.

Get a Time Commitment

If she doesn't have time when you do approach or call her, ask her when a good time would be. This can be followed by a couple different things. She may just give you a simple time and place to talk to her. More than likely the response you are going to get is "what about?". Girls like being prepared for the conversation that you want to have with them just as much as you want to be prepared to talk to her.

This is not the time to have the conversation with her, so you don't want to use this short moment to tell her that you like her. Simply give her an answer like "I think you are an interesting person and want to get to know you more". This answer will leave things open in her mind and she won't dwell upon the subject. Never say "nothing really" because this will not only make her think that it isn't important, but when you eventually have the conversation she will think that it wasn't important to you.

Timing is very important because if you choose the wrong time, your words are not going to stick with her. She may just brush you off like any regular guy that tries to get a date with her on a daily basis. You want to make sure that you stick out in her mind from the very beginning. If you've already made yourself special to her before you even talk to her, you are going to have a better chance of having her truly listen to what you have to say and take it in the best possible way.

Express Yourself the Right Way

Once you have pinned down a time and place to talk to her, you can prepare for the rest of the conversation and making sure that you express yourself exactly the way that you want to, without coming off like a jerk or someone who is just after sex. Also, remember that she is a busy person, so if you call on her again at the time she specified and she doesn't have the time to talk, remember that something may have come up that is very important to her. Don't try to pin her down to another time at this point because it will make you look desperate in her eyes.

Simply give her your number and ask her to call you whenever she has a chance. It may be less traditional than the usual "boy calls girl" that we've been taught our entire lives; however, women are a lot more independent now, and they enjoy you showing that you know this. She may not call right away, but she will remember that you've once again shown her that you know she is important.

Breaking the Ice

So, you've got her on the phone or you've met for coffee and now you have to talk to her. There are lots of things to remember about women to make sure that this first conversation goes well for both of you. You want to compliment her, learn about her, and listen to her.

You want her to listen to you, get to know you, and you want to make her smile. Then eventually, you want to get around to asking her on a date of some kind. Doing all of this the right way is very important, and there are quite a few mistakes that you can make that will make her uninterested in things going any further.

Starting the Conversation

There are lots of great ways that you can start a conversation with a girl. Remember to sound happy to be talking to her, but don't be overjoyed. This will make you look desperate and weird in her eyes. Small talk can be useful here, but not too much of it. Too much small talk will make a woman lose interest quickly. The beginning of the conversation should go much like this:

"Hey, it's great to have a chance to talk to you. I'm glad you have time to talk because I know your life is busy and you always have a lot going on."

By saying something like this you are showing her that she is important and so is her life. She will know from the beginning that you aren't going to try to monopolize her time. This is important because the last thing she wants is a guy that is going to be constantly smothering her and taking time away from her friends, family, or other important things in her life.

Even if you become her boyfriend, her friends and family members are always going to be more important than you, until you come to the point where you are in a serious long term relationship. Showing her from the beginning that you know this is only going to make her respect you more.

Learning About One Another

Her life is important to her and yours is not at this point. It's a hard thing to come to terms with, but it is the honest truth. The average girl loves the chance to be able to talk to someone about all the things going on in her life. It not only lets you learn about her, but it also gives her a chance to get some things off her chest that she may be wanting to say.

You may not be interested in hair and nails, just like she may not be interested in cars and video games, but you have to remember that the time will come for you to talk about your life. Give her a chance to talk about whatever she likes. Believe it or not, but you can use this information to your advantage just by listening attentively to what she has to say.

Girls give away lots of hints about their interests when they talk. In five minutes you can learn her favorite color, food, drinks, music, and movies just by letting her talk. She may not come out and say "My favorite color is purple", but she will talk about things she likes and what colors they are. You may not care about her nail polish, but it's important to her. Remember that even the color of her nail polish is part of who she is and without it she would be someone different.

Start it Off

To get her to start talking about herself simply say, "So, tell me about what you've been up to lately." Usually she will just open up and start telling you about her last girls night out or the movie she saw last night. She will talk about television shows, school, work, and anything else that happens to be on the front of her mind. When she starts talking, make sure that you look and sound like you are paying attention to her.

If you are talking in person, be sure to not break eye contact for a long period of time. It will make you look disinterested and make her feel like what she's saying is not important to you. Also, make sure that you pay close enough attention to use her pauses in conversation to make an appropriate response. This will let her know that you are an attentive listener, and really do care about what she has to say.

Take Note of Her Likes

If she talks about her favorite television show, and you watch the show, then you can use this to talk with her about the plot lines and the characters. If you know nothing about the show, you can simply say "I've heard that show was pretty interesting." If it's a show you really don't find interesting you can follow that up with "but it's really not my thing." Just don't end your talking right here because you are again showing her that it's not important.


Follow that with something along the lines of "My sister watches it too". Without even trying, you have linked your families interests with her own. That way if you ever invite her over, she already has a conversation topic that she is comfortable with. This technique works with most subjects she might bring up in conversation. No matter what she chooses to tell you about herself, remember that it is important to her.

You can use this time to learn a lot about her, and give a few interesting facts about yourself as well. Remember, it's not as important at this point to try to tell her things about you. She will ask what she wants to know.

Telling Her About Yourself

Women will go on for long periods of time about their hair, nails, friends, and everything else going on in their life, but you don't need to be the same way. Talking at length about cars, video games, and other things you like will probably bore her very quickly.

When she asks about you, tell her a brief synopsis about yourself, but don't ramble. If she finds something that you are into interesting, she will let you know and open up a place in the conversation for you to talk about something that you both like. Finding this common ground is great because it gives you a place to work from when deciding on asking her out on a date.

Complimenting Her

If you like her, you have probably already thought about how much her eyes shine and how nice her hair smells. You probably have noticed all her nice attributes and sometimes want to shower her in romantic compliments from the beginning. Do not let yourself get overly romantic with these compliments in the beginning. It will make you look desperate, and in some cases maybe even make you come off a little creepy.

Tell her that she looks nice and compliment the scent of her perfume, but don't say long drawn out lines about how "her eyes pale in comparison to the stars". Compliments like this are better for the 3rd date and beyond because by then you've actually spent more time together. "Your hair looks nice", "You look beautiful today", or "I love what you are wearing" is great for a first compliment.

Talk to a Girl

Remember that overdoing things does not help you. It makes you look desperate and needy, and that is the last thing she wants. Keep things simple. She will respect this and know from the beginning that you aren't jealous and possessive. These are two things she is not looking for.

Making Her the Center of Your Attention

Every girl wants to feel like she is the most important thing in the world. Even if you are talking to her for the first time on the phone, make sure she knows that she is the only thing you are paying attention to. Turn off the television or music, and have the conversation somewhere that it is quiet. This lets her know that you want to talk to her, and that nothing is more important to her at the moment than what she has to say.

If you are talking to her in person, put your cell phone on silent. Doing this in front of her will not only let her know that she is important, but will also let her know that all your attention is on her. Use body language to show your attention as well by staying facing her with your whole body and keeping your eyes on her. You may need to look down to sip your drink or something minor and this is fine, but don't let something take more than 30 seconds of your time.

While you are talking, if you happen to be approached by a friend of yours don't let yourself get distracted with whatever is going on with your buddies. Turn to your friend and let them know that you are having an important conversation and you will talk to them later. If they are good friends, this is all you will need to do to have them go away. This will also show her that all your attention is on her.

The Humor Do's and Don't's

Girls love a guy with a great sense of humor, but do not take this to mean that they want a comedian that constantly makes everything funny. A wise little crack here and there can make her laugh and smile, but telling jokes over and over again will soon only annoy her. But what do you do if your comedic attributes are what you usually use to get a girl interested?

Keep it simple. Don't constantly make joke after joke, and make sure that the ones that you do make will honestly be funny to her. This is not the time for naughty jokes or any other jokes that usually will leave a bad taste in someone's mouth.

So-called 'raunchy' humor should be saved for joking with your male friends. Use humor that is lighthearted and would make anyone smile, and make sure that your jokes make sense. A bad joke can cause a major lull in the conversation and even have someone think negatively of you.

Being Yourself

The last thing that you want to do is have a girl thinking you are someone you are not. She wants a guy that is going to be comfortable around her and be able to relax and be himself. This doesn't mean for you to break out all the things that you do with your guys friends while you are chilling out. It does mean to not put on some big elaborate show if that's not you.

Simple guys are just as much fun as complex guys. When you are talking to her, talk to her like you would someone you are friends with. Relax and let the conversation flow naturally. Don't take ten minutes to think about what you are going to say. Usually, if you just be yourself she will either like you or she won't. Don't try to force her into liking you by being something you are not. This can only end badly for both of you.

Talking to Her in a Club or Other Social Function

So, you've spotted her from across the room and you can't help but want to go up to her and talk to her and maybe even ask for a dance. This is the hardest conversation to have because there is so much going on around you. The way you approach her can mean everything.

If you look too sly then she is going to think you are desperate or just trying to get laid. If you are too cautious then you will come off as not interested. So, where is that happy medium to get her attention and keep it?

The answer is actually simple. It's all in your eyes. Once you've noticed her, you need to get her to notice you. Don't do anything crazy because it can only end badly. Keep an eye on her, figure out what she's drinking and who she is there with. If she is there with friends, then you have a big green light to make your advance.

If she is there with another guy, you need to watch the relationship between them. They may just be friends. Their body interaction can let you know quickly whether it is more than that.

Moving in Smoothly

After you have determined from a distance whether she is single or not, it's time to let your eyes do the talking. A simple flirtatious look can get you the results that you want. Give a shy natural smile and let your eyes flirt with her for a brief moment. You will normally get one of two reactions from this. She will either give you a weird look and turn away or she will smile in return and maybe even brush her hair behind her ear.

A reaction like the second one means that she has noticed you, but don't go running up to her yet. Wait a few minutes and let her catch your eyes again and give her that same flirtatious look once more. If you get the same reaction, then it's time to approach.

When you approach her you need to give her one simple sentence that is going to catch her attention. This simple sentence can make or break the conversation so make sure you are ready with it when you get to her.

DO NOT use cheesy pick up lines that you and your buddies have talked about. Your sentence needs to do three things; compliment her, offer her something, and introduce yourself. Saying something like, "Hi, I'm (your name). I noticed your nice smile from across the room and was wondering if I could buy you a drink", is a perfect way to start the conversation.

Using Our Conversation Tips

Once you've got her talking you can go to the tips mentioned earlier about how to let the conversation roll and what to say and not to say. Just remember that when you are in a social setting, sometimes the conversation may be interrupted because her friends are leaving or it's getting late.

Don't take offense if she has to leave. Ask for her number, or if you've been talking for long enough, you can offer to take her home. Don't be offended if she refuses either. Sometimes girls have reservations about these things when they have first met someone. Instead, offer her your own number or e-mail address and tell her that you hope to hear from her.

Asking for the First Date

You've talked for a little while and gotten to know each other. She's smiling and she hasn't insulted you yet. It's probably time to ask her on a date. Depending on your preferences, you can make this short and sweet, or you can plan everything out right there. If you have been listening to her well then you should have a pretty good idea about where to ask her on a date to. Bringing the conversation around to this point may be a little more difficult than you think, but the question itself is easy.

As you are nearing the end of the conversation, let her know that it's been a pleasure talking to her and getting to know her more. Give her a compliment on something she's talked about or just herself in general. Then simply ask her if you can take her out on a date sometime. You can say something like; "It's been awesome talking to you and getting to know you. You really are just as sweet as I thought you were from a distance. I'd love to be able to take you to a movie or dinner sometime."

Don't continue talking after you have asked her. Give her a chance to answer you. If the conversation has gone well then she is most likely going to accept. If she honestly thinks you aren't compatible then she will decline. You need to remember that even if she declines right now, it doesn't necessarily mean that she will never let you take her out. She may just have a lot going on. If she declines, give her your number and tell her to call you if she changes her mind.

Don't let this be the end of the conversation. Tell her that you look forward to hearing from her and that you hope you will see her around again.

Get the Number!

If she accepts the invitation for the date, get her number so you can call her to make arrangements. You can continue talking after this, or let this be the end of your conversation. You've got her reeled in for the date and that is the important part!

Making the First Date Phone Call

Believe it or not, there is a lot of etiquette that needs to be used when you are calling a girl to ask her on a date. Girls have their own rules about when to accept and not accept a date. Hopefully, you have talked to her enough to have gotten some clues about what they are, but if you haven't there are a few things that you can do to make sure that you get a yes.

First, DO NOT call her the day after the two of you talked. This will make you seem desperate. Give at least 24 to 48 hours before you call her. It will give her time to think about you and your conversation. Secondly, DO NOT call her on the weekend. You should automatically assume that she is busy on the weekend with her friends or family.

Make sure you call her no later than Wednesday for a date on the following Friday or Saturday night. This will give her plenty of time to prepare for the date and talk to her friends about the date she has this weekend. if you feel the need to follow up with her, send her an e-mail or give her a quick call early in the day on the date of the event.

Plan Ahead for the Call

When you call her, make sure that you already have an idea of what you would like for the two of you to do. Have the evening partially planned out in your mind. It's much better to ask "Would you like to go out on Friday? I was thinking about dinner at (restaurant) and then the 8:00 showing of (movie name)" than to ask her "Would you like to go out on Friday?".

Knowing what you want to do ahead of time, and making sure that it's something that she likes, will show her that you have put thought into what you would like to do with her. If you show that she is important you will have a better chance at getting a positive response from her.

The Major Do's and Don't of Conversation

  • Don't talk too much, let her do most of the talking
  • Listen to what she has to say. Don't use any cheesy pick up lines
  • Be attentive to everything she says and does
  • Don't appear desperate in any way
  • Compliment her
  • Make her feel important
  • Don't take phone calls while talking to her
  • Don't whine at her
  • Don't beg her for a date

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This page was last modified on 16 August 2013, at 23:05.
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