To Myself
From BluWiki
The Truth shall set you free.
Most people have a very hard time answering the simple question,"Do I keep my word to myself?" Or, I should say, they have a hard time answering it honestly.
ON the surface, fool our mins into ignoring or not admitting what we are dloing, but deep down, in the place where all truty resides for wach of us, in the place where we know and see ourselves as we really are - in that place, we are causing pain and damage every time we are not tatally honest with ourselves.
Do it often enough, and your self-trust - your confidence - will fade away. Into that emptineww will seep uncertanty, anxiety, and anger.
Keeping those promises unleashes enormous energy and potentail. That potentail emptiness created by self-deception will become filled with strength, certainty - and , yes, confidence - if you honor self-promises.
Deep down inside, we want pressure; in face, you need pressure to feel excited and passionate about life.
We are all capable of so much more than we might velieve we are, it is through pressure or "stress" that we evolve- that we grow.
See the pressure out, find thqt positive pressure brings out our best, I will be raising it to a new , higher leel.
1/26/07
I felt relax a little bit. because I asked him to shut up
Family now is a big problem for me. Our kids are great. but he talked way too much.
The day before yesterday, after settled down the kids, I cooked for next day lunch, I cleaned the dishes, I wipped off the counter top, everything looks good to me.
He got downstairs after reading the web, sitted on the other said of table and looked at me saying nothing while I was drinking. I knew he wanted to say something, I knew he wanted me to confess something, I knew he wanted what he wants.
I hate that part. His family history is marathon, never end a topic until crystal clear.
I HAD BETTER NOT ISSUR A TOPIC FROM NOW ON.
Never complain after a hard working.
I asked him to shut up and leave on alone in the reply email he sent to me.
Recently I coughed so much for so long, this never happened to me before, and I felt my chest painful when I burst temper with him. having an augue with him.
I had better to see the doctor.
I need time to clam down and think through. Not looking back but look at the future.
No fight happend last night. I felt calm because I told him shut up, so I can relax and knew he would not follow me and push me.
1/29/07(MOnday)
I felt so bad that I forgot his birthday last Saturday(27th).
I remembered the days before, but I totally forgot that day. I even asked him what date it is and I said, I forgot to return the books.
He came to me that Friday night and we talked, and felt a little bit better.
On Saturday night, we went to the party (Wu Jing and Chen Zhen), it was a nice party, but I felt so bad because I did not decorate our home as cozy as theirs. They did spend lots of money on health, like $2000 message chair, but I was not willing to spend. Thinking not necessary.
Life is hard, so better enjoy.
I DAZuo with him yesterday and felt calmed too. just thinking of the party and felt our life seems short of something, then what is it? LOVE AND ENERGY.
I did not throw my temper yesterday, but on the party, Ryan knocked over a cup of Sprint, I suddenly pull him up and almost scared everybody, I think. I cannot help myself at that moment. I do not know what is wrong at that moment.
Last night, I talked with him regarding the company thing, and it is very likely he will go to Beijing this May. Kids also go or not? big questions.
1/30/07 (Tuesday)
Good yesterday, everthing is fine. worked out last night for 2.5 hours. did not throw temper.
I felt a little bit disappointed after yesterday company meeting, why was I left withough joinning the training, but give second thought, maybe no need, maybe people limit, should not care as long as working here and getting income, fine with me. and working best as I can.
1/31/07(MOnday)
Yesterday feeling good. No arguing, excersizing, eating healthy and Carl has seminar, so I dropped off the kids, and today's too.
I felt much better and calm, but I forgot to take the pill again this morning.
I hope I can climb the stair today to top level. working out 20 minutes.
2/1/07 (Friday)
Snowed, in the morning, it is pretty, and I asked him to take some pictures for the kids. I do not know whether he did or not.
Felt good, excersizing last night. We argued a little bit, regarding what? I forgot.something he cannot shut up, I said," stop it", then he was mad "we can have better ending", I did not say anything, he finally shut up. Messy.
I copied some pages from Fitness book last late afternoon around 5:10PM, but unfortunately "H" saw it, felt bad, and seems we cannot make things through smoothly, "enemy" each other. Because I heared from him that our company lost that togetherness due to hiring, but at that time, I was only hired for a month. Who likes that?
Last night, kids bed time, I always lost my temper again, but after getting out, much better, to the gym.
