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VGOC 12 Step Method

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The VGOC 12-Step Method brands itself as a self-help manual for people with low self-esteem.


1. Sit Back, Relax, and have a Drink

  • There are so many ways to build up your self esteem, but they all start with this simple step. No human being has ever felt better about themselves through sheer force of will, that is impossible. Instead, it is important to take a few steps back from your life, from everything that makes you feel inadequate or ugly or just less-than-important to your friends, and just loosen up a bit. Once you've done this, it becomes much easier to pick out those things in your life that are causing your discomfort and the changes can begin. So, have a seat, I'll grab you a beer, then we'll talk some more.

2. Admission is the First Step to Recovery

  • Ok, so low self-esteem is often caused by a simple discomfort in your life that gets magnified by your own insecurity and, in a larger part than you may think, by society. The key here is to realize that this discomfort, be it your looks, your intelligence, or your inability to attract the opposite sex, is a very small part of who you are and that it does not need to make you feel bad. For example, you, little lady, are no Taylor Swift. Hell, you're no Jan Arden. But that doesn't mean, what? Oh, you've never heard of Jan Arden, that's ok, I guess she was a little before you're time...my bad.

3. Developing a Positive Self-Image

  • Ok, so you feel ugly, maybe because you know you'll never be on the cover of Cosmo, or maybe because some senior made a joke about you at the Welcome Week Dance. But that doesn't matter, how you look is only a small part of who you are. What you need to do now is begin to think of all the things that are truly great -- Oh, done already, let me get you another one -- about you and focus on why this makes you a worthwhile person. You seem like a bright kid, I bet you do pretty well in your classes, huh? That good? Wow, y'see, with grades like that you could really go places, have you ever thought about what you want do when you finish school? ...oh. Well, I admit, I'm usually very supportive of ambition, but in this case I think I can save you some heartbreak later and tell you that maybe Astronaut is a bit more than you can handle.

4. Marketing Your New-Found Confidence

  • Don't cry now, hun. Here, blow you're nose with this, there's no need to dribble on my nice shirt. Listen, we all have our limits, and knowing them is part of knowing yourself. The next step is to make others see you as you see yourself, and then --oh, there there, now--...you know what? I think you're doing pretty good, so maybe we'll skip over these next few steps to something more important.

... ok, uh, yeah, step 10, here we go.

10. Ignoring the Gag Reflex

  • Let's be honest, while self esteem is an inherently personal value, it is deeply rooted in how you feel you are perceived by others. Ignoring the Gag Reflex is all about doing something nice for someone else, even if it is potentially unpleasant for you. We're gonna do a little exercise to help you get used to the idea. I know, sometimes, its very hard to convince yourself that this will be beneficial, but trust me, you WANT people to like you, and this is the fastest, surest and best way to achieve that. So be a good girl, get down on your knees and...no, no, it's ok, you can trust me... ah, that's better.

11. Swallowing your Pr-- Shit! Alice, what're you doing back so soon? Th-this isn't what it looks like, I swear-to-god I was only trying to help and I and I and I got carried away. Hey! Come back here --get the hell off me-- Alice! Goddamnit! Listen to me, just put down the phone, let's talk about this, I mean it was a mistake, ok? There, I admit it, I'm sorry, I screwed up, now put it down, please pleasepleaseplease don't do this to me, I'm on my knees, put it down ... aww Fuck.

12. People are Fucked Up.

  • Period. Honestly, it's not worth your time to worry about what they think. Do what makes you happy, nothing else works.

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This page was last modified on 27 July 2009, at 03:11.
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