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How to Make Out

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Revision as of 20:29, 11 September 2011 by Stevesmith (Talk | contribs)

Do You Know How to Make Out?

In almost every long term romantic relationship there is going to be a period in which you get to know your partner intimately before you move onto sex. This timeframe, where you are just kissing, touching, hugging, and getting to know what pleases your significant other is generally referred to as making out.

If this will eventually lead to sex with your partner, it might be referred to as foreplay, but generally the first few times you and your partner are enjoying each other, it will solely be as an expression of affection, and a 'feeling out' period.

These first times are going to be the prime opportunity for you and your partner to see whether there is physical chemistry beyond whatever it was that brought you to this point in the first place. Even if these initial times together are awkward, don't fret, as the person sitting across from you is probably just as nervous as you are.

Nobody wants to be viewed as a bad kisser or awkward hugger, but since both of you are feeling that way, it is more likely that you will be overly judgmental about your own performance. Just take a long deep breath, relax and enjoy yourself. That is truly what this should be about.

Exceptions for All The Rules

As mentioned above, making out is much more of an art than it is a science. You and your partner have chemistry, which is what got you to this point in the first place.

Any and/or all of these instructions might be rendered moot just because that is the way the night goes. Everything written here is a good generalization about how many situations will occur, but not everything is applicable to every night's events.

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Just remember that you are coming into this with the hopeful knowledge that this person likes you enough to want to kiss you. With that in mind, again, relaxing and seeing where this all goes is paramount. Also, just to be clear, whatever you do, do not refer back to this article during the actual making out.

The Mood

Depending on the situation, you might have the opportunity to set the mood. You know your partner, so you hopefully will have some inkling as to whether they would prefer a romantic feeling or something a little more casual.

If you think that a little adjustment to the lighting, or music would be appropriate, don't hesitate in setting it up. The key to this is making sure that your lover isn't going to view this as campy or trying to hard. When in doubt, go simple.

Going simple means making sure that you aren't going to be making out on a pile of dirty laundry. Straighten up your living room or bedroom. Make things appear clean and comfortable so you don't have to worry about rolling onto a week old bag of pretzels as things grow in intensity.

Many times, making out is going to happen right after a date, and you won't have time to stop the action to clean up. That's ok. Again, relax and don't worry too much about it right now. If they are kissing you back, they probably don't care that you're room is a bit of a mess.

Making the First Move

No matter the situation, there will come a time where you think to yourself (or your partner does) that the opportunity is perfect to steal a kiss and see what happens. Any comical move you might have seen in a movie could be the make or break it moment, so it is probably in your best interest to avoid doing the classic 'yawn to put your arm around her' move.

More than likely the first move is going to involve something more subtle like touching their hand or leg. This simple little gesture is enough to let them know that you are going to break the invisible wall that you had erected until then.

With the touch barrier broken, you should be able to see signs as to whether your partner is receptive to going further. Flexing their fingers around yours, or the muscles in their leg tightening and then relaxing are both excellent signs that you are doing what they wanted to in the first place. Pay attention to them for any cues that let you know what to do next.

Escalation and Communication

Once you two have gotten yourself comfortable, and this isn't one of those impassioned situations where there is no talking, just snogging - it might be a good time to start talking.

Conversation should remain light and comfortable. This isn't the time for you to start conversing about your taxes, or your sick relatives. Talk about each other, whether it is about how much you enjoy their company, or something complimentary about their person, clothes, style, etc.

Anything further either of you do to put yourselves at ease is going to make the rest of this feel much more special and intimate. Knowing that you find them attractive or that you have enjoyed their company might relieve some of the tension they're feeling. Hopefully the response will be reciprocal and the comfort level can rise, making the next steps go all the easier.

Eye Contact

There is more than just fantasy in the unending amounts of descriptions that exist in dime store romance novels about two lovers holding each other's gaze for hours. Seeing that your partner is staring at you in the same way you are staring at them is a tell tale sign that they are into you.

If they seem more interested in reading the books off of your shelves, examining your ceiling for cracks, or never letting go of their cell phone, this might not be the proper time to move in. If, though, they are staring intently at you in the same way you are at them, then it is almost time to move in for the kiss.

First, don't let this step go off lightly. Eyes, as the old proverb states, are the window to the soul. For an evening of close romance, staring longingly into each other's eyes is what romance is made of. Enjoy it. Savor it.

Optional Touching

So now you are talking to them, hopefully having a sweet conversation about how fantastic both of you are, and your eyes are locked in. What are you doing with your hands? Some possible ideas:

  • Holding their hand - Holding hands is a great way to know that the conversation is keeping them engaged. If you say something sweet and they smile and squeeze your hand. That is as good sign that they are enjoying themselves.
  • Stroking their hair - Be careful with this option. There is a fine line between light feathery touches of you caressing their tresses, and making like George from Of Mice And Men. Also, hairstyle is going to make or break this idea. If she has a head of tight curly hair, it might be best to avoid this. If he has a close cropped buzzcut, you are more likely to keep playing with his hair just because its fun.
  • Little gestures - Moving a stray lock from their eyes, giving their arm a playful squeeze, and never resting one thing tends to be the best option. Play it by ear and see where things go.

Finally, the Kiss

There will come a moment when the stars are in alignment, and everything is perfect for one of you to lean in for the kiss. If it's them, don't fret. Close your eyes and go with it.

If you are the initiator, then take your time and move in slowly. Whether this is the first kiss between you and your partner or the hundredth, you want it to be special and romantic. Be aware of where their face is to make sure you don't bump noses, butt foreheads, are clack teeth together. These things are inevitably going to happen, but it is in your best interest to try and avoid them.

The minute your lips meet, congratulations, you are kissing. At first, assume it is going to start slow. You both are discovering an entire new aspect of each other. You are taking in hundreds of new sensations. Their lip texture, the way they smell close up, the way their hair smells, and the heat that is coming from their body. Every single facet of their existence is now pouring over you, and the same is going on with them.

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Remember: Relax. They like you enough to be kissing you, and probably want it to continue. Don't freak out now, there will be time for that after they've left.

There is no one key to a perfect kiss. So much right now is dependent on the emotion of the moment, that trying to pinpoint it here would be near impossible. Be aware of how long the kiss is going, and don't hesitate in pulling back just a little bit and then starting over.

A small peck can be viewed as sweet, a longer more impassioned kiss that involves one or both of you tilting your necks to keep it going shows passion and a want for it to go on and move to the next level. Parting lips, and moving onto a French kiss, is a clear indicator that both of you are deeply invested in the moment.

The kiss will evolve, but the key is to never rush in faster than your partner. Charging in mouth wide is going to make you look more like a shark attacking its prey more than a caring lover looking to raise the emotional stake. Just move slowly, time is probably going faster than you expect, so enjoy every second that you can.

French Kissing

There is a moment when one of your pairs of lips will adjust. Then the other person's will do the same. Eventually, your lips will dance in such a way that you both realize that this kiss is about to escalate into something bigger than it was before. Take it slow, and let your tongue touch their lips. Lightly. Teasingly.

Do not, above all things, stab your tongue through your mouth, attacking their lips with full force. This will end a kiss quicker than almost anything else. Let your tongues meet in the middle as your mouths part. This is where poetry and cheesy harlequin romance novels get the idea of dancing in a kiss. That is precisely what this is, and no matter who takes the lead and who follows, it can be some of the most sexually charged and intimate moments of making out.

Reaction and variation are going to be the things you want to do. Using the simile of kissing like a dance again, remember that there are many types of dances. Some will involve nibbling the lips, where others will be wetter and more intense. Change tempo occasionally and see what you both enjoy.

What to Do When Kissing

Similarly to what you should do while staring into each other's eyes, your arms are just kind of resting there without anything to do. Now that you are kissing, you might feel that your hands should be active too. The easiest way to rectify this is hugging.

Wrapping your arms around your partner is going to bring you more physically closer, and make this intimate moment even more intimate. Their hands on you are going to also be indicators as to where this is going.

If they are gripping you tightly, and making pleasurable noises as the kissing continues, then you are clearly doing everything right. If they are softly stroking your arms or face, then make sure the kiss reflects that slow sweetness. Every aspect of both of your body language comes into play here to let this situation be a testament to how much you enjoy the other person's company.

Making out is as much about the kiss as it is these other subtle gestures. Fingers through the hair, touching their face and shoulders, even a hand moving to their chest, and bringing the eroticism a little higher are part of making out. Take it slow, to make sure both you and your partner are comfortable where things are going. If they push you off of doing something, but the kissing and touching continues, don't get panicky. Go back to what you were doing prior to it, and see where they lead.

Kissing From the Lips

Eventually the kissing might stop, but that doesn't mean that the entire night is now over. Move from their lips to their cheek. Leave a trail of smaller kisses to their ear, taking their ear lobe between your lips and teeth. Light and quiet ministrations are going to go a long way, and how they react is going to tell you if you have found one of their hot buttons.

The minute your lips touch their ear did they tighten up and let out a moan? Then keep going. Are their fingers running through your hair, but softly gesturing you away from nibbling on their lobe? Stop doing that and go back to kissing or try moving to their neck.

The ears and neck have a lot of often untouched nerve endings, and for many people can be amazingly active erogenous zones. Kiss down their neck, while your other hand strokes up their arm, maybe even an idle finger tracing down their cheek before resting your attentions to their neck. Be careful, as there is quite the possibility that you might leave a hickey by suckling too hard here. Don't be a vacuum, just play it soft and sweet at first.

Taking a Break

A make out session begins the minute you two start engaging in any physical activity that is clearly sexual in nature. Where that sounds very technical, it means that once you start kissing, you have begun. Stopping at any point and enjoying your partner's company doesn't mean that you have officially ended the possibility of making out with them further. It is a good idea to occasionally pull back and see what they do.

Sometimes, they are going to want to go right back into a kiss, and there is nothing wrong with that. Other times, having a little respite from the action doesn't hurt either. Hollywood would have you believe that this is the prime opportunity to make some sarcastic quip, and where that can work, it isn't always the best way. Even just an understated smile, and cuddling in for a moment is just as special and important as the fireworks and explosions of kissing.

These times tend to be where any sort of discussion as to what you and your partner do and don't want to do might appear. Where this might feel that it takes you out of the moment, if it is important for them to tell you, then assume it is important enough to bring a little reality to your impassioned moment. Right now is the perfect time to again be holding hands, making eye contact and smiling, and all of the romantic things we've already discussed.

The Next Steps

When you are with a new partner, there might be limits to as far as you are going to go. One person might be perfectly fine with kissing and touching lightly, and nothing else. Others might be fine with the internationally known Roman hands and Russian fingers. A guide could go into extensive detail into all of the traditionally known 'bases' - but there is no definite as to where a make out session ends.

Some people are going to find communication about this very topic a turn off, where others will praise you for respecting them enough to ask. The further you move from making out and into sex, the murkier the waters become. Because of this, the best you can do is simply to do what you feel is the proper next step, and if they aren't into it, stop.

The enjoyment is clearly as much in the journey as it is the destination with making out. The chances are that if you both enjoyed this journey, there will be another (and another, and another) in your future.

If you feel you want to push it further, then try it, but be ready to pull back if necessary. Just because she is wearing a revealing top, doesn't mean she wants you to unendingly cop a feel. Just because he is obviously aroused, doesn't mean he is expecting your hand down his pants.

The clear difference between what we present and what we want is always going to be the grey area between making out and any form of sex. Simply be careful, be conscious of their reactions to everything you do, and if either of you say no to something, respect it and have it be respected.

The Post-Game

All good things must come to an end. How do you both look? A lot of the humorous clichés about make out sessions are fairly accurate. Readjusting clothing, fixing hair, and wiping the corners of your mouth are all part of that end time where you don't want everyone to know EXACTLY what you were doing.

Do you talk about it? You can. If it would make you feel better to, then there is no reason not to at least try to. Even if you need to make an exasperated 'Wow! You are a good kisser!' it lets your significant other know that you enjoyed what has just transpired, and generally that means you are open to it happening again.

If you both enjoyed yourself, then the there is a chance that you are going to make out again. If the electricity was palpable, and you can barely look at each other without feeling that same urge to kiss, there is the chance the whole process is going to start over again right now.

Good luck, and hopefully you have found your perfect partner. There is a lot of ambiguity involved in making out, and that is because every person out there enjoys different things. Some are going to want everything fast and frenetic where others are going to want every moment to feel romantic and deeply connected.

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It is that unspoken conversation between you and your partner that dictates the pace of everything that goes on. Just remember the only important word in this entire article, and you should be well on your way. Relax.

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