Space Pirates

From BluWiki

[edit] Space Pirates

Space Pirates is a cartoon concept created by Dave Perry, Matt Gambill, and Noah Heckaman.

I apologize for the crudeness of the images, some I've had to do on paint. I didn't have a scanner for the initial creation of this page.

For more detailed artwork of each of the characters, follow this link to the artwork BluWiki page:

[[1]]

[edit] Characters

Characters include:

The Captain - The hero of the series, who's inumerable mental illnesses combined with extreme instability have triggered an 11th percent of his brain. This extra percent gives him the inadvertent ability to force his imagination into reality. Some of you might ask why they call him "Captain." The reason for this is that he's the only living Ahab left of his family line. He was abandoned as a child, and his only memories of his father are of him sailing out to find the infamous fusia whale. Ever since he was small, he's wanted to be a sailor, but as the space age began, he took a serious interest in it. After all, it's barely charted, so it offers the greatest adventures unknown to man. He's never had a real name, and so all documentation of his existence is signed "The Captain." This being so, some characters will simply call him "The" (pronounced thee [th as in thimble.]) The Captain leads the crew of his ship, the Dreadknot.

Hektor Wienstein - The co-star, and the Captain's best friend. Hektor is a psychiatrist with a history of failed patients. His judgement has been inaccurate numerous times, causing him to prescribe the wrong medicine to patients. Some have lead to overstimulation, causing patients to become violent. Others have lead to understimulation, causing patients to slip into depression, sometimes becoming suicidal. The Captain is forced upon him when Hektor's friend, Judge Friedman,(the judge which rules over the Captain's insanity hearing), expresses to Hektor that he can no longer risk his job saving him from being sued by patients' family members in court. Judge Friedman cannot legally rule the Captain as being insane, and so he offers Hektor one last case to be successful.

Judge Friedman - The judge that heads the precedings of the Captain's insanity hearings. Friedman and Hektor go back a long way, to their days in the synagogue. Friedman offers the Captain as Hektor's last chance to prove he can succeed as a psychiatrist.

Noah the Gunner - Noah is the only gunner on The Dreadknot. And that's all The Dreadknot needs. Not much is known about Noah, he tends to show up only when the ship or the crew is in danger. And when that time comes, there will be casualties. He's never seen without a cigarette or two, and if you enter his cabin, it'll be the last thing you ever see. He's notorious for his mecha suit, The Ark, which has battled many a foe, including Mecha Walken, as piloted by Christopher.

Cardnal the Navigator - Cardnal is the Captain's unrecognized shadow. He somehow developed the idea that the Captain is a bold, courageous hero, and frequently jumps at the chance to prove himself to the Captain. Cardnal is a bird/boy hybrid. His appearance is more that of a boy, only his body is covered in red feathers. For the most part, he acts like a human boy, however under certain circumstances,(fish-bearing bodies of water), the bird in him shows itself. Cardnal is also the Dreadknot's engineer. He fixes anything that may be wrong with the ship, and even does janitorial work. He's small, but he has a heart of gold, and a more spirit than anyone will ever notice him for.

Doctor Vladik Pyotr Karamovsky - The doctor on board The Dreadknot. Known for his old slavic "remedies." Doctor Karamovsky never really does much to help a medical situation, but every once and a while, one of those ridiculous prescriptions works. All that's known of his history is that he grew up in Stalingrad as the warchild of a soldier and a German prostitute. He was raised in a Siberian orphanage.

Samantha Jackson - Sam is the Dreadknot's mechanic and space craft connoisseur. Her father was at the forefront of the space revolution. He was the paradigm for space craft technology, and is credited with the development of almost every space automobile in production in the Milky Way galaxy. Sam's wealth of knowledge concerning the mechanics and physics of space travel are a direct result of a life spent in a space station with her father. She has an uncanny habit of dating men that aren't just "not working out," but are generally not entirely right in the head. Sam is a rough and tough grease monkey, with the utmost loyalty, and greater courage than most women. Generally found in the hanger of the ship.

Rocko Wallace - Rocko is the Dreadknot's mechanical engineer, which finds most of his time in the lowest level of the ship, working hard to keep the jets and engine core running smoothly. During his younger days, Rocko was a hot-headed cole miner. One day, he was caught forcing himself upon a local's daughter, and was shot by her father with a Baretta 391. This shot left him luckily only losing his left arm. That night has lived strong in Rocko's mind, and was the turning point of his life. Now, Rocko is a gentle giant, and likely the kindest, most polite member of the Dreadknot crew.

Cybrus - The Dreadknot's computer technician, and data analyst. Cybrus is an insibian, a sort of blend between an arachnid and an amphibian. In the earlier and middle stages of insibian growth, it is much more like an amphibian, as Cybrus is. As they get into their older ages, their two tongues develop into an arachnid-like mandable, and they take on a much more spideresque appearance. Cybrus sits in the Dreadknot's computer core mainframe (known as the Nucleox) at the front, low end of the ship, and monitors every line of code from his station, using his many arms, and his seperate set of focuscenetic eyes. He also monitors the upkeep of the core processor, and handles all data stored on the Dreadknot's computer core memory. This is important to note, as Cybrus's uncle, Matterix, tracks down the Dreadknot in order to retreave military information entrusted to Cybrus by his father, Matterix's brother. Cybrus has stored this information under the file system code name "Romulus." This name is derived from the Roman mythology behind the character, as it ties in to Cybrus's father, Nexis. Nexis and Matterix were two opposing militant politicians. Nexis was in the process of converting Insibian weapons technology from technorganics to computer technology, as it has no dependence on the ecosystem. Matterix, however, was at the conservative forefront, doing all he could to destroy the idea of computer technology. When Matterix killed Nexis, Nexis imprinted all of his personal, top secret military information within a datasphere, and chuck it, strategically into space. The map to this datasphere was then technorganically loaded directly into Cybrus's brain, and was set on a time-release. Cybrus was sealed tight in an escape pod, and shot off into space with limited rations and limited oxygen, where he eventually crashed through the Dreadknot's hanger dome.

Matterix - Cybrus's uncle, brother to his father, Nexis. Matterix tracks down the Dreadknot to find Cybrus, who has information on the whereabouts of Nexis's secret military archives involving the production of new, computer technological weapons. Matterix was a general on the insibians' home planet, Essex. He advocated, and led forces in a conservative push against new age computer technology replacing the insibians' traditional technorganic military weaponry. When he killed Nexis, Nexis's military information was imprinted within a datasphere, and shot into space. Matterix finds out that Nexis technorganically imprinted a map to the datasphere's whereabouts within Cybrus's brain, and travels into space to retrieve the lost information, and dispose of it before Essexus military expeditionists find it and begin production on the new arms.

Deborah Carmichael - Debbie is the Dreadknot's communications "expert." All in all, not much more than a prissy, pink haired, gum chewing receptionist. Not being the brightest crayon in the box, it's generally Debbie's inability to communicate well that causes a great deal of trouble regarding the relationship between the Dreadknot crew and foreign races.

Doc Wiley - Doc is the owner and bartender of "Doc's," a tavern down on the Dreadknot's third floor below deck. He's notorious for passing along privelaged information, as he hears quite a bit of truth from various crew members when they visit him. Of course, this information doesn't come cheap, but if you really need to know, you'll up the dough.

Bomba - The manager of the concierge at the Dreadknot's hotel, La Vue de Pont. Bomba is very anal retentive, very obsessive compulsive, and a play-by-the-rules type of guy. He likes to keep the hotel tidy, and the hotel restaurant, La Corbeille �� Pain, beyond code.

S�bastien le Magnifique - La Corbeille � Pain's head chef. S�bastien is a very strict, but nurturing chef. He is the embodiment of the mastery of culinary arts, and a fantastic teacher to his understudies. As most would assume by his general attitude and mannerisms, S�bastien is a flamboyant homosexual, and is notorious for putting moves on the heterosexual crew mates. More often than not, it's for his own personal amusement, which gives him a somewhat jolly demeanor.

Eli Steinwitz - Eli is La Corbeille � Pain's assistant head chef, directly beneath S�bastien. One immediately would notice that Hektor has little in common with every other crew member, but he and Eli are both practicing Jews, which make Eli's relationship with Hektor a very warming, father/son type arrangement. Eli is an amazing chef, which is downplayed by his overwhelming nervousness when in the presence of S�bastien. However, S�bastien is more than aware of Eli's staggering potential as a brilliant chef, which gives them a caring, teacher/pupil relationship.

Eddie Rizzuto - Eddie is La Corbeille � Pain's short order cook. He is the polar opposite of Eli. He is overconfident in his abilities and his success as a chef. He believes S�bastien is a pompous, over-rated hack, and that the people need to see what he can do with pasta before they crown S�bastien. He is three basic emotions are bitter, apathetic, and angry. He resents Eli, though he harbors no intentions of harming neither him nor S�bastien.

Mr. Glidden - Old. Disgruntled. Violent. Kindergarten teacher. Not seen often in the series, but easily one of the most loved characters. Mr. Glidden was the Captain's old teacher, who mistreated him often, and told him he'd never amount to anything. Every once and a while, the Captain will have a run-in with Mr. Glidden, which is usually short-lived, and followed by violence to a small child. Glidden is most well known for his quick temper and violent outbreaks upon the children in his classroom, and his affinity for pigs. Based on a real teacher the creators had in high school. His name and likeness are precise and accurate.

Perry and Gambill - Two rogue space police after Noah the Gunner. After leaving the USP (Universal Space Police Force), they created their own uniforms, and now lead the VSP (Vigilante Space Police). Their entire purpose throughout the series is to catch Noah the Gunner, who is at the top of the VSP's Most Wanted.

Seryozha Maksim - A Russian militant politician. The villian among villians. The Captain was never an interest to him, until he found out about the Captain's ability to create anything from his mind. Though he was, himself, created by the Captain, he is aware of his free will from him, and will not stop until he's found a way to harness the Captain's ability for himself. His work and motivation prior to meeting the Captain were of a political nature in the country of Nadezhda (named after his great great grandmother), on the planet Mulciber, of the Milky Way Galaxy. He was gaining the trust of the people of his country as a czar, and would continue on to carefully overthrow the government and bring a new kind of communism to the people. However, following his encounter with the Captain, he left his country in the hands of his nephew, Alyosha, to seek out the Captain and find a way to develop in himself the same power to create.

[edit] Characters Not Mentioned Above

Other characters include: Rocket Whale, Steve from payroll, Christopher Walken, the race of blobs, the race of Squeezies, the Conquistanauts, and possibly the Logic Blackhole.

Rocket Whale

[edit] The Concept/Plot

The Captain comes from a long family line of mental illnesses. Over the generations, they've piled on continuously until it finally reaches the Captain himself. These illnesses have become so high in number that the instability of the Captain's mind finally gives way, and a single 11th percent of unused human brain triggers, allowing the irratic images and hallucinations of the Captain's imagination to materialize into being. These creations, once expelled, take on their own free will. The irony that strikes is that he's too unstable to control what's spewing from his imagination into life. So he, dragging along his disgruntled, cynic psychiatrist Hektor and an escaped convict named Noah, travels into space in a pirate themed cruiseliner, and meet many interesting people and creatures that become the crew of the Dreadknot. The countless events that follow are adventures stemming from an infinite world of space civilizations, through the most derailed mind off the face of Earth.

[edit] The Dream

In late December, two of the creators of Space Pirates, (Dave and Matt), hand-delivered the Space Pirates concept to Adult Swim for review. It was given to the cartoonists to look over.

This move was an extreme step in the process of getting Space Pirates on the air, and the goal following has been to create a fan base too large for Adult Swim to ignore, and to get the idea out to as many people as possible. This is one step in that direction.

NEW: Due to the actions taken by Dave and Matt to get the show to Adult Swim, and with the help of several Williams Street staff members, Space Pirates is now under review by the submissions group that rules over what gets put on the air and what doesn't. As of now, Space Pirates awaits no more than a yes or no.

Pray for the best, and thanks to all that support Space Pirates.

[edit] Updates

NEW: The Space Pirates Pilot Script is available to read below.

NEW: Space Pirates is in the hands of the producers of Adult Swim!

[edit] Episode Scripts

[edit] Space Pirates: Episode One, Pilot

Written by David Perry and Noah Heckaman

We open with the Opening Theme, but before going to commercial, we see the Captain awaken.

Captain: "...Who the hell were all those people..."

-commercial-

We return with a view of the office building the Captain works in, RockeTech. He, quite unsuccessfully, designs the exterior of space shuttles.

Scene cut into the building, looking at the Captain in his cubical, staring blankly ahead, with a sheet of paper depicting scribbles, and a pencil in his ear. He looks down at the paper. Cut to the picture on the paper. It's a design for a space ship, (what will eventually become the Dreadknot), and the title "PickleWilly" at the top. Cut, the Captain looks back up. His eyes widen, and his pupils dialate.

Scene cut to a high level business man, the manager, in his office, sitting at his desk. There's a window repair man finishing wiping the window. The Captain jumps through the floor to ceiling office window, blasting the repair man across the room, and out the thirty story exterior window.

Captain: "I'VE GOT IT. Now I know you've been scrapping all my projects, but this time I've GOT it. THIS is the GOOOOLD.......

(Shoving the piece of paper in the manager's face) THIS!"

Manager: "Uh....This is a drawing of a stapler with googly eyes...." (cut to the picture, cut back)

Captain, pausing: ".......HOLD ON."

The Captain jumps back through an unbroken window pane. A second or two later, we hear footsteps approaching quickly. The Captain jumps through ANOTHER unbroken window pane, back into the office.

Captain: "THIS."

Manager: "...What is....'This,' exactly."

Captain: "Im thinking a space...PIRATE SHIP."

Manager: "The, (pronounced "thee" ['th' like thermos]), you know the only reason I hired you is because you were ruled too incompetent to find your own job. You're a tax write-off. This insanity has to stop- we've had numerous employees threaten to charge you with harrassment-"

Scene flash to an employee tied to the watercooler. Above him, the cooler is dripping water slowly into a paper cup on his head. To the right, the bathroom door is slightly ajar, just enough to see the toilet. The employee looks over at the toilet, looks back, and whimpers just a little bit. Scene flash back to the office.

Manager: "-Steve has never been the same. He carries a bedpan around the office. Anyway, this employment isnt working out. Im firing you, The.

Scene cut to the Captain, in the middle of the road, on a little girl's bicycle with training wheels, with his office stuff in a box in the basket, saddened, yet blank expression on his face. Obviously, with cars honking at him. We hear drivers in the background screaming profanities. "What the hell is wrong with you!" "Get the f*** out of the way!" And faintly, after the rest, we hear one man say, "I have caaaandyyyy."

Scene cut to the Captain approaching a pet store. Cut to inside the pet store. The Captain crashes the bicycle through the glass window, and wheels off screen. Scene cut outside the pet store, the Captain riding the bike, with a chicken inside the box of office stuff.

Scene cut to a bridge, the Captain standing on the edge, in nothing but underwear and his shoulder dressing, with a chicken "pointed" at his head.

Captain: "...Et tu, chicken?

Wait, what am I doing? I have so much to live-"

At that moment, a police car crashes into him, sending him careening over the bridge. The last sound before the scene change is a police siren.

Scene change to the court room.

Judge Friedman: "Mr. Ahab, this is the last straw. You've been in this courtroom, what, seven times? In the past month! You're lucky I can't legally put you in an asylum, or you'd have been in a straight jacket at your first hearing. Im sending you back to Mr. Wienstein- and this time you'd better make some progress, or so help me, I'll find a loophole in the system and put you away for good. This session is over." Gavel.

The sound of the gavel fades into a gunshot, and the scene changes to Perry and Gambill, in police uniforms, firing out the side windows of their police vehicle. The scene takes place in an arched, glass-covered highway bridge. Several more shots are fired, and then a few shots are fired back. Cut to Noah, in the back seat of a Mustang convertible, with a gun pointed at the driver, and another gun firing back at Perry and Gambill.

Noah: "If I- *bang* -If I feel the pressure of those brakes again, the last thing you see will be the ass end of a bullet rushing out your forehead."

Cut to Perry climbing back into the police car.

Perry: "Damnit, where the hell is backup."

Gambill: "They phoned while you were firing, they've set up a blockade at the end of the bridge. He's got nowhere to go. With traffic the way it is, I doubt he'll have enough maneuverability to act quickly."

Perry: "Well then, to play it safe, no more gunfire. There're too many civilians around here to have a repeat of Seacrest Park."

Cut to Noah, noticing their approach to the blockade.

Noah: "Damn." he looks around a moment. "Thanks for the ride."

Noah jumps out of the car, and onto the right side highway railing. He catches his balance. Cut to Perry and Gambill, viewing Noah.

Gambill: "What the hell's he doing?"

Perry: "He's actually going to jump!"

Perry and Gambill watch as Noah leaps over the edge, and turns to catch his side on the glass. He slides down and out of sight under the highway. Cut to just beneath the highway, where Noah is sliding down the glass to the bottom of the tunnel. He slams his side up against a steel support beam, opens a latch to the ladder that leads down to the base of the support, and makes his way down.

A police helicopter appears near the base.

Chopper megaphone: "We have you surrounded, throw your weapons into the river and put your hands above your head."

Noah: "Think..think..." He looks towards the city and notices the dam a few hundred yards left of the highway bridge outlet. "Bingo."

Noah throws his two weapons into the river.

Chopper megaphone: "Now put your hands above your head, and await police brutality."

View from the chopper as Noah crouches, then jumps into the river.

Chopper megaphone: "....Damn."

-commercial-

Scene of Dr. Hektor Wienstein's office. Hektor is peering out the window at the bridge.

Hektor: "Some maniac just jumped into the Silus River."

Hektor turns around to see his patient jittering and dumbfounded.

Hektor: "Oh, right. Uh, anyway...Your prescription-"

Patient: "N-n-needs f-f-f-filled."

Hektor: "What?!? I filled it two days ago! I think you might have a problem, buddy, maybe I made a mistake. Hand me that bottle, I think you've had enough-"

Patient: "I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH! AAAAAHHHRGGH!"

The patient stands up and jumps out the window. A few seconds later we hear footsteps ascending stairs. The door to Hektor's office opens, and the patient, tattered, walks in and sits down.

Patient: "Hey, Doc, I think I need my prescription f-f-f-filled."

At that moment, the Captain punches through the glass window of Hektor's office door, reaches in, and opens the door from the inside. He walks in.

Hektor: "Not him again- Alright, what'd you do this time, The."

Captain: "The police are trying to kill me!"

Patient: "Cheese it, it's the fuzz!" He leaps out the window. We hear squealing tires, and a crash.

Hektor: "The, somehow I doubt the police are trying to-"

Captain: "LOOKOUT!" He draws a gun and shoots blindly in Hektor's direction. "That monster almost got you, Doc!"

Hektor: "That's a poster of the Vetruvian Man. MY poster of the Vetruvian Man, which I bought at the Louvre for a far too hefty sixty dollars, which you just put six"-bang!-"SEVEN bullet holes into."

Captain: "Vetruvian man? WE FOUND LIFE ON VENUS!"

Hektor: "VETRUVIAN man, The, not VENECIAN man."

Captain: "Right, well then why am I here, if not to save you from plasticized assassins?"

Hektor: "Well I imagine it has something to do with your insanity case, so why dont we start there. Tell me, The, has anything happened since your last visit, which strays from what we've seen frequently."

Captain: "Well, you remember telling me that alot of the things I see are hallucinations? And you said in order to tell them apart from reality, I should look for 'acknowledgement of their existence through other people.' Im not sure how well it's working...The other day I saw someone react to what you said was a hallucination."

Cut to a man walking his dog down the street. The dog stops by a fire hydrant, and lifts his leg. But before he gets a chance to go, the fire hydrant "grows" eyes and a mouth, turns toward the dog, and sends a massive jet stream of water from it's front valve all over the dog.

Fire hydrant: "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!"

The dog owner sees it, screams, and runs away.

Cut back to the Captain in Hektor's office.

Captain: "Well..."

Hektor: "The man must have been a hallucination as well. It must be getting worse. Well, goodbye."

Captain: "Where are you going? I cant go out there, the police are everywhere!"

Hektor: "Can't help you, The, it's my lunch break."

Captain: "I cant believe you'd ask me to go out there with the city littered with police, but I guess I'll have to take my chances. But it's only because you asked."

Hektor: "But I didn't-"

Captain: "It'll be a good chance to show you what Im talking about."

Scene cut to a french pastry shop. Hektor is eating a croussant, while the Captain continuously smacks a pidgeon with a baguette.

Hektor:"....Wasn't there something you wanted to show me..?"

Captain: smack *SQUAWK* "...Oh, right. Well," smack *SQUAWK* "I'll try to do what I did with the fire hydrant."

....smack *SQUAWK*

The Captain looks around for a moment, and notices a man putting mail into a street-corner mail box.

Captain: "Hmmm...."

Close up on the Captain's face. An earnest strain clearly being put forth into his purpose. Cut to Hektor.

Hektor: "What, what is it?"

Captain: "Maaiil box...."

Hektor: "What am I looking for here?"

Cut to close up of Captain, straining further. Cut to the man and the mailbox. The mailbox rumbles a tiny bit, and after a second an eye appears on it. Another moment, and the eye disappears.

Hektor: "Im not seeing anything. Like I said, The, it's just a hallucination. You can't just create things from nothing- it's just not poss-"

At that moment, the baguette jumps up, with eyes, a mouth, and a little french mustache. He looks angry.

Baguette: "Ah will show you to yoos me ass eh wep-ON!" he jumps into the air and smacks the Captain several times in various place on the head.

Hektor: "WHAT THE HELL!?! "

Captain: thud "AH!" thud "OW!" thud "OOF"

The baguette stops, grabs Hektor's lighter, jumps off the table, and walks over to the curtains draped down over the Patisserie's awning. He lights it on fire, and the building catches. The owner runs out, surprised.

Owner: "Aw noo, mah patisserie! She is on fi-air... Coat deh walls wit kerrroseeeen, dey said, makes it shine, dey said! Last time ah leezin to Bob Vilaaah!"

Captain: "HA! See, I told you I wasnt crazy, you saw it! Proceed to grovelling."

Hektor: "Wha..but...IMPOSSIBLE! This is ridiculous, this is what I get for sampling my patients' prescriptions! Im hallucinating, that's all this is."

We hear police sirens. cut to down the street. Police cars come rushing around the corner. Cut to view from a police car; the policeman sees Hektor and the Captain (who is standing with the baguette in one hand, and the lighter in the other. Cut to the baguette in the Captain's hand, who looks up and smiles vengefully at the Captain, then returns to inanimacy.

Hektor: "This is bad..."

Captain: "I TOLD YOU THEY WERE AFTER ME! We have to get out of here!" he grabs Hektor by the arm, tears an unburned curtain from the building, throws Hektor inside, and runs off with him.

-commercial-

We return to Noah exiting the dam, past the guardpost traffic arm.

Scene cut to the Captain, running down an alley, with Hektor mumbling inside the curtain. Cut to the Captain turning the corner. He looks around a moment, and sees the dock across the street.

Scene cut to Noah, walking down the street, near the dock. He hears sirens.

Noah: "Damn. Gotta get out of here."

We hear a man with a megaphone. Cut to the man, who is standing in front of a large cruise ship modelled after an old pirate ship.

Megaphone: "Come ride on the new Pirate Cruise. Fun for all ages. Sign up today, leave tomorrow. .....'Yarrr'..er...whatever."

Captain/ Noah: "Hmm..."

Cut to Noah.

Noah: "Peeerfect. Havent hijacked anything in a while. Sounds nice."

Cut to the Captain, joyfully dumbfounded at the sight of the pirate ship. He looks over his shoulder at Hektor's movements inside the curtain.

Captain: *gasp* "Gotta get rid of the body!"

He runs over to the boardwalk, and looks around. (There are people everywhere.)

Captain: "Looks like the coast is clear." He tosses Hektor over the walk, and into the ocean. We hear Hektor's muffled scream. The Captain runs towards the Pirate Cruise.

As the Captain approaches the dock entrance to the cruise, we cut to Hektor climbing out of the ocean and onto a small dock, next to the Captain.

Hektor: "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! I COULD HAVE-"

Captain: "Come on!" He grabs Hektor by the arm and drags him onto the ship.

Scene cut to inside the ship, in the bridge.

Hektor: "Well this is fantastic. First a baguette sets the restaurant on fire, then we're running from the cops, and now we're HIJACKING a CRUISELINER. What makes you think we're going to dodge ANYONE in a PIRATE SHIP!?!"

Captain: "Ah, the old Dreadknot. I once sailed this ship across the Atlantic from Pittsburgh to Peoria."

Hektor: "For one, Im quite certain you couldn't sail a paper boat, and for another, THE ATLANTIC IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE UNITED STATES. Not to mention the fact that- Hey...what are you doing?"

Cut to the Captain at the helm.

Captain: "Im gonna sail us out of here."

Hektor: "You dont even know how to PILOT this thing!"

Captain: "You forget. Im a captain. It comes naturally to us."

He pushes a button. Cut to the front of the ship. He turned on the windshield wipers.

Captain: "Alright, she's activated."

Hektor: "All you activated was the windshield wipers. This is ridiculous, there's no way you're going to pilot this thing anywhe-"

The cabin door busts open, and we see Noah standing with a handgun.

Scene cut to Hektor and the Captain in a closet, with their hands bound. Noah is standing at the door.

Noah slams the door, and locks it.

Hektor: "Oh, and now we're being kidnapped."

Cut to the bridge. Noah is standing at the helm, looking around with confused irritation.

Noah: "Damnit. How the hell do you pilot this thing."

Cut back to the closet. Noah opens the door.

Hektor: "Having trouble?"

Noah: "Captain. Now."

Cut to the bridge.

Hektor: "This may be a stupid question, but if you're going to hijack something, wouldn't it be prudent to know how to drive that which you've hijacked."

Noah: "Shut it, Frasier." He looks at the Captain. "You're the captain of this thing. So pilot it."

Hektor: "You got here late, alright, he doesnt know how to pilot it."

The Captain approaches the wheel.

Noah: "He's the captain, and he doesn't know how to pilot his ship? Correct me if I've misjudged, but that sounds f***ing retar-"

We here rocket jets activate.'

Hektor: "This thing has rockets?"

Cut to an outside view of the cruiseliner. The nose tips up, toward the sky.

Cut back to the bridge.

Noah: "Well it damn well better have life boats." He runs out of the cabin door.

Cut to the deck. Noah notices the trejectory of the ship.

Noah: "Oh damn."

The ship blasts off into the sky. Noah is thrown down the deck, and into a janitor's storage room. Cut back to the bridge.

Hektor: "WHAT THE HELL!?! Did we just leave the ocean?!?!"

Noah walks in.

Noah: "Actually, we left the face of the F***ING PLANET. The crazy son of a bitch just blasted off into the atmosphere!"

Hektor: "Oh no no no, that's not possible. This is an ocean cruiseliner. It can't just up and rocket into space!" He looks out of the windshield. "No..this isn't possible. I refuse to believe it."

Noah: "Believe it, buddy, we just left the stratosphere...

Well...at least we dodged the police. Like-ta see 'em chase my ass now."

Cut back to the dock, where the man with the megaphone is standing; a very disgruntled countenance on his face.

Man: "Awww, the temp service is never going to believe this."

End.